He Really Is Having Sex with the Widow
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
If it's a true torrent of descriptive words you are looking for, I am happy to oblige...
abhorrent, abominable, base, contaminated, despicable, detestable, disgraceful, dishonorable, egregious, fetid, filthy, hateful, heinous, horrid, icky, impure, iniquitous, loathsome, malodorous, mucky, nasty, nauseating, nefarious, offensive, polluted, putrid, rank, raunchy, repellent, repulsive, revolting, rotten, squalid, stinking, sullied, tainted, unclean, vicious, vile, and wicked.
I agree, though, that I don't understand your need to follow along his fetid trail. Being unable to put words to his behavior is one thing, but that should not stop you from turning away.
You don't need to understand the word "hot" to understand the pain of getting burned.
Keep rolling with the pigs and you will continue to smell like one yourself.
Next thread, I want to list all of your ...
admirable, caring, cherished, darling, dear, doting, endeared, esteemed, fair-haired, favorite, hallowed, highly regarded, highly valued, idolized, loved, near to one's heart, , pleasing, popular, precious, prized, respected, revered, sweet, treasured, venerated, well-liked, worshiped....
attributes!
Much love,
Alice
abhorrent, abominable, base, contaminated, despicable, detestable, disgraceful, dishonorable, egregious, fetid, filthy, hateful, heinous, horrid, icky, impure, iniquitous, loathsome, malodorous, mucky, nasty, nauseating, nefarious, offensive, polluted, putrid, rank, raunchy, repellent, repulsive, revolting, rotten, squalid, stinking, sullied, tainted, unclean, vicious, vile, and wicked.
I agree, though, that I don't understand your need to follow along his fetid trail. Being unable to put words to his behavior is one thing, but that should not stop you from turning away.
You don't need to understand the word "hot" to understand the pain of getting burned.
Keep rolling with the pigs and you will continue to smell like one yourself.
Next thread, I want to list all of your ...
admirable, caring, cherished, darling, dear, doting, endeared, esteemed, fair-haired, favorite, hallowed, highly regarded, highly valued, idolized, loved, near to one's heart, , pleasing, popular, precious, prized, respected, revered, sweet, treasured, venerated, well-liked, worshiped....
attributes!
Much love,
Alice
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thank you Everybody for all these wonderful words and thoughts! You have all been so kind to help me.
I just want to say in response to everyone regarding me moving on:
I am moving on. I turned away six months ago. This past weekend, It (that disgusting person) crept up on me. I have been no contact for some time now. I slipped. I let my guard down. But I'm cool now.
Although I am nauseous and disgusted by everything I heard from It, I am still thankful for the reminder of what being around It involves. (Although I could have used a little less detail, but that's what I get for talking to It and for continuing to be understanding and feeling sorry for It).
I apologize to anyone I am insulting by calling that disgusting person "It" but I have to do this to distance myself from It and It's disgusting widow "girlfriend."
I know it sounds like I am being judgmental here but to tell you the truth, I really don't care. I am the LEAST judgmental person on Earth. I have always been kind, nice, sweet, caring, etc, toward EVERYONE. I have always made excuses for, and have always been sickeningly empathetic and understanding of other people, even those who have physically abused me, as both a child and as an adult.
NO MORE!!
I sincerely do not care what "damage" I may be doing to myself by feeling and thinking this way, because any damage I may do to myself by thinking this way can't be worse than the damage these people (all of them, over my entire lifetime) have done to me.
They have abused me physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally. They have taken 7- and 10-year old children, my blood, who I have loved since they were born away from me. They have threatened to kill me. They have stolen from me, repeatedly barged into my life, yelled at me and insulted me. They have purposely induced me to hysteria to keep me involved and enabling them. They have taken advantage of my obvious emotional and mental disabilities. They have cheated on me, insulted me, and dumped me. They have depleted my bank accounts, dumped all the responsibilities on me, and taken advantage of all of my kindness and generosity. They have lied to me, neglected me, manipulated me, tortured me with emotional blackmail, pretended to care and to be my friend, and then turned around, stabbed me in the back, and denied having ever had a friendship. They have been cruel to me in ways I still shake my head in disbelief at. I have been HURT so often and for so long I will not take it anymore!
I am telling you with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes
NO MORE!!
I hereby declare MY RIGHT to judge them and I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to remove myself completely from these disgusting, filthy, rotten, nauseating, base, dirty, sick, revolting, loathsome, repulsive, degraded, sleazy, evil, foul, oozing, vomitous, self-centered, stomach-turning, rank, putrid, disturbed, repugnant, vile, immoral, contemptible, garbage-like, excrement-ous, selfish, ghastly, abominable, stinking, thoughtless, heartless, uncaring, lying, cheating, sociopathic, schizophrenic, manipulative, disrespectful, grotesque, dishonorable, ghastly, sordid, horrible, repellent, gross, egocentric, detestable, monstrous, awful, horrendous, dreadful, sickening, despicable, depraved, wicked, foul, horrid, hateful, malevolent, malicious, criminal, atrocious, hideous, appalling, frightening, gruesome, damaging, mutilating, shameful, deceitful, unclean, polluted, soiled, fetid, contaminated, defiling, indecent, infected, corrupt UNGODLY people.
Thank you for listening.
I just want to say in response to everyone regarding me moving on:
I am moving on. I turned away six months ago. This past weekend, It (that disgusting person) crept up on me. I have been no contact for some time now. I slipped. I let my guard down. But I'm cool now.
Although I am nauseous and disgusted by everything I heard from It, I am still thankful for the reminder of what being around It involves. (Although I could have used a little less detail, but that's what I get for talking to It and for continuing to be understanding and feeling sorry for It).
I apologize to anyone I am insulting by calling that disgusting person "It" but I have to do this to distance myself from It and It's disgusting widow "girlfriend."
I know it sounds like I am being judgmental here but to tell you the truth, I really don't care. I am the LEAST judgmental person on Earth. I have always been kind, nice, sweet, caring, etc, toward EVERYONE. I have always made excuses for, and have always been sickeningly empathetic and understanding of other people, even those who have physically abused me, as both a child and as an adult.
NO MORE!!
I sincerely do not care what "damage" I may be doing to myself by feeling and thinking this way, because any damage I may do to myself by thinking this way can't be worse than the damage these people (all of them, over my entire lifetime) have done to me.
They have abused me physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally. They have taken 7- and 10-year old children, my blood, who I have loved since they were born away from me. They have threatened to kill me. They have stolen from me, repeatedly barged into my life, yelled at me and insulted me. They have purposely induced me to hysteria to keep me involved and enabling them. They have taken advantage of my obvious emotional and mental disabilities. They have cheated on me, insulted me, and dumped me. They have depleted my bank accounts, dumped all the responsibilities on me, and taken advantage of all of my kindness and generosity. They have lied to me, neglected me, manipulated me, tortured me with emotional blackmail, pretended to care and to be my friend, and then turned around, stabbed me in the back, and denied having ever had a friendship. They have been cruel to me in ways I still shake my head in disbelief at. I have been HURT so often and for so long I will not take it anymore!
I am telling you with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes
NO MORE!!
I hereby declare MY RIGHT to judge them and I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to remove myself completely from these disgusting, filthy, rotten, nauseating, base, dirty, sick, revolting, loathsome, repulsive, degraded, sleazy, evil, foul, oozing, vomitous, self-centered, stomach-turning, rank, putrid, disturbed, repugnant, vile, immoral, contemptible, garbage-like, excrement-ous, selfish, ghastly, abominable, stinking, thoughtless, heartless, uncaring, lying, cheating, sociopathic, schizophrenic, manipulative, disrespectful, grotesque, dishonorable, ghastly, sordid, horrible, repellent, gross, egocentric, detestable, monstrous, awful, horrendous, dreadful, sickening, despicable, depraved, wicked, foul, horrid, hateful, malevolent, malicious, criminal, atrocious, hideous, appalling, frightening, gruesome, damaging, mutilating, shameful, deceitful, unclean, polluted, soiled, fetid, contaminated, defiling, indecent, infected, corrupt UNGODLY people.
Thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
Healthier already. One of the hardest things I had to do was feel my feelings. Accepting that we have the right to be angry and express that anger is so hard but it's a big step. I don't think you can let go of fury until you've truly accepted it. You have every right to be infuriated, I'm pissed off FOR you. The grandiosity and arrogance of the addict astounds!
He thinks he has you. He thinks he's smarter than you. When he finally discovers that you're onto him, oh man... LOOK OUT.
The intense anger for my ex almost consumed me but I faced it and it has now graduated to pity, and I sleep better because of it.
He thinks he has you. He thinks he's smarter than you. When he finally discovers that you're onto him, oh man... LOOK OUT.
The intense anger for my ex almost consumed me but I faced it and it has now graduated to pity, and I sleep better because of it.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Not only addict behavior, but sounds like a serious personality disorder to be so manipulative, dishonest, con-man, theif, completely lacking in empathy, and self absorbed as to do such harm to a widow and young kids.
The two of them were out at bars and partying at her house and having sex the frickin' night after the guy died.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Crazy4Him:
Thank you!!!!!!! I really appreciate that. I feel a true sense of comraderie.
Look out? What do you think will happen? I need to strengthen myself to prepare for whatever is going to happen.
I'm pissed off FOR you. The grandiosity and arrogance of the addict astounds!
He thinks he has you. He thinks he's smarter than you. When he finally discovers that you're onto him, oh man... LOOK OUT.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
For months I'd been begging my ex to just LET ME GO because I didn't have the strength to leave him on my own. He finally did, but he made sure to dig his claws in hard and deep before he did.
At the tail end he told me that he loved me for the first time. That he loved my SOUL. Two days later, when he realized I was aware that our relationship was abusive and I was no longer willing to be with him or take on the mountains of blame he tried to place on my shoulders, the tables turned quickly. He said awful things to me that night over the phone and over text, some of the worst things any human being has ever said to me. The same man who had told me he loved my soul and everything about me just two nights before. I guess he only loved me when he was getting his way.
He was playing me. I was merely a pawn in his addiction and when he sensed that he was loosing his grip on me he launched an impressive hearts and flowers campaign. When I didn't bite he came down on me like a nuclear bomb! Even after I stopped speaking to him he continued to harass me at work and tear me down to my friends and co-workers. I'm positive he did all of these things in an attempt to make me feel worthless so that I would come running back to him. That's what abuser do. They rip you apart so that you don't believe in yourself and feel like you can't do any better. Once he flirted with one of my best friends and told me about it in a roundabout way the next day. Looking back on it now I realize what he was doing. Making moves on one of the people who is closest to me, then subtly sharing the details with me the next day. He always dropped little bombs like that, just to keep me on my toes. that's what I feel like your ex is doing to you. Dropping tiny little bombs that will slowly drive you crazy.
I found out just a few weeks ago that my ex had lied about the entire encounter with my friend. He had no problem hurting me because that was the only way he knew how to keep me, his enabler.
Or at least that's what my ex did to me. It worked like a charm for a long time.
Not anymore, I'm onto him now.
I wont lie and say that I don't care about him, anymore. I do. I'm sure your ex will come to you with all the sweet words you want to hear to butter you up. The second you tell him to **** off, the monster will strike hard and fast! Every weakness, every insecurity, every achillies heel you've ever allocated him in your time together will be pulled out and used against you. My ex saved all of mine up until the very last phone call. Man it was a duesy. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I almost called him to keep playing the game, because I was sick, but I didn't because I realized that was exactly what he wanted from me.
A part of me wanted to stay on the roller coaster because that was what felt comfortable. A weird part of me was comforted when he sent me awful texts and said awful things, because that was a part of the insane cycle that I'd grown dependent on. We'd built a real special slice of hell for ourselves all because of this disease.
So that's what I mean when I say LOOK OUT. Maybe your alkie is different from mine and it wont happen. But it might. I wish someone had warned me, that's for sure.
Wow this is long, sorry. lol
At the tail end he told me that he loved me for the first time. That he loved my SOUL. Two days later, when he realized I was aware that our relationship was abusive and I was no longer willing to be with him or take on the mountains of blame he tried to place on my shoulders, the tables turned quickly. He said awful things to me that night over the phone and over text, some of the worst things any human being has ever said to me. The same man who had told me he loved my soul and everything about me just two nights before. I guess he only loved me when he was getting his way.
He was playing me. I was merely a pawn in his addiction and when he sensed that he was loosing his grip on me he launched an impressive hearts and flowers campaign. When I didn't bite he came down on me like a nuclear bomb! Even after I stopped speaking to him he continued to harass me at work and tear me down to my friends and co-workers. I'm positive he did all of these things in an attempt to make me feel worthless so that I would come running back to him. That's what abuser do. They rip you apart so that you don't believe in yourself and feel like you can't do any better. Once he flirted with one of my best friends and told me about it in a roundabout way the next day. Looking back on it now I realize what he was doing. Making moves on one of the people who is closest to me, then subtly sharing the details with me the next day. He always dropped little bombs like that, just to keep me on my toes. that's what I feel like your ex is doing to you. Dropping tiny little bombs that will slowly drive you crazy.
I found out just a few weeks ago that my ex had lied about the entire encounter with my friend. He had no problem hurting me because that was the only way he knew how to keep me, his enabler.
Or at least that's what my ex did to me. It worked like a charm for a long time.
Not anymore, I'm onto him now.
I wont lie and say that I don't care about him, anymore. I do. I'm sure your ex will come to you with all the sweet words you want to hear to butter you up. The second you tell him to **** off, the monster will strike hard and fast! Every weakness, every insecurity, every achillies heel you've ever allocated him in your time together will be pulled out and used against you. My ex saved all of mine up until the very last phone call. Man it was a duesy. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I almost called him to keep playing the game, because I was sick, but I didn't because I realized that was exactly what he wanted from me.
A part of me wanted to stay on the roller coaster because that was what felt comfortable. A weird part of me was comforted when he sent me awful texts and said awful things, because that was a part of the insane cycle that I'd grown dependent on. We'd built a real special slice of hell for ourselves all because of this disease.
So that's what I mean when I say LOOK OUT. Maybe your alkie is different from mine and it wont happen. But it might. I wish someone had warned me, that's for sure.
Wow this is long, sorry. lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Learn2Live, don't apologize! You have EARNED your feelings toward this malevolent asshat, and feeling them is the only way to get them up and OUT of you. And we are here to bear witness and offer support--YES, your feelings are valid. It would all be very well and good if we didn't have the need for human feelings, and just shrug off all of the pain as it is happening, but life ain't like that, and people aren't robots. I know that I spent MANY nights rightly pi$$ed at my STBXAH, before I realized that I deserve so much better than what this using loser would ever have to offer me.
Righteous anger is a very powerful tool for healing. It shows us when something VERY VERY wrong is going on, and serves as a wake-up call to make some changes. So feel what you need to feel, for as long as you need to feel it. As time heals, and your path becomes brighter with each day his poison is not in your life, the anger will fade, and be replaced with a sense of peace and gratitude for a second chance for YOUR happiness. THAT is when you get your "zen".
So, YAYYYYYYYYY, righteous anger!
Righteous anger is a very powerful tool for healing. It shows us when something VERY VERY wrong is going on, and serves as a wake-up call to make some changes. So feel what you need to feel, for as long as you need to feel it. As time heals, and your path becomes brighter with each day his poison is not in your life, the anger will fade, and be replaced with a sense of peace and gratitude for a second chance for YOUR happiness. THAT is when you get your "zen".
So, YAYYYYYYYYY, righteous anger!
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Orlando Florida
Posts: 220
Machaevellian Machiavellianism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Well he is a Con Artist.
He is a USER, Cons always are.
Cons and USERs are abusive. Their goal is to get what they want by means of manipulation. They abuse everyone in line or in the way of their 'dreams'.
Cons are arrogant. They believe they are smarter then others and though their special abilities can bend people to there will, and then view them as stupid. * And body can be conned if they are lied to, at least for a time. Cons are liers.
Liers cheat to get what they want. Cheats don't care what the cost is to others.
Cheats steel what rightfully belong to others, they are thiefs.
Thiefs care only in serving themselves. They are the center of their world, without concern for others.
He is self centered and only gives a false sense of care, the truth mixed with a lie is called a counterfit. He is a counterfit ( lover). He is a Con Artist.
Such kinds of Con Artist tend to think of themselves as 'god like.'
All this together makes him DEPRAVED.
The depraved man may not be willing to physically murder someone, but will bring death to your heart, your dreams, your spirit. At heart that would make him a murder if he in actuality is thus so depraved in his behaviors.
In the world of ministry I was a missionary in this is what we call a 'cult leader' when he starts a 'religious' following.
Learn2Live,
Stay the hell away from this man!!!! I couldn't and wouldn't give you any other advice. I am willing to be banned to give you this advice! Flee from this guy, run the other direction. Don't even gift him with your presence! ( Unless there is a cop at your side and your identifying him if is cons catch up to him.) If he is an alcoholic.... his cons will catch up with him sooner than later, he isn't the wisest of the snakes.
love tammy
Disclaimer: * These judgements come from the story as revealed. I give the benefit of the doubt that Learn2Live gave an object version of the story so that I may share how I view it. One man's story sounds true until you hear the other man's story. All my judgements are made from the perspective of one ( wo)man's story. :-) My judgements come from what is revealed of his patterned behaviors, I can not know his heart.
He is a USER, Cons always are.
Cons and USERs are abusive. Their goal is to get what they want by means of manipulation. They abuse everyone in line or in the way of their 'dreams'.
Cons are arrogant. They believe they are smarter then others and though their special abilities can bend people to there will, and then view them as stupid. * And body can be conned if they are lied to, at least for a time. Cons are liers.
Liers cheat to get what they want. Cheats don't care what the cost is to others.
Cheats steel what rightfully belong to others, they are thiefs.
Thiefs care only in serving themselves. They are the center of their world, without concern for others.
He is self centered and only gives a false sense of care, the truth mixed with a lie is called a counterfit. He is a counterfit ( lover). He is a Con Artist.
Such kinds of Con Artist tend to think of themselves as 'god like.'
All this together makes him DEPRAVED.
The depraved man may not be willing to physically murder someone, but will bring death to your heart, your dreams, your spirit. At heart that would make him a murder if he in actuality is thus so depraved in his behaviors.
In the world of ministry I was a missionary in this is what we call a 'cult leader' when he starts a 'religious' following.
Learn2Live,
Stay the hell away from this man!!!! I couldn't and wouldn't give you any other advice. I am willing to be banned to give you this advice! Flee from this guy, run the other direction. Don't even gift him with your presence! ( Unless there is a cop at your side and your identifying him if is cons catch up to him.) If he is an alcoholic.... his cons will catch up with him sooner than later, he isn't the wisest of the snakes.
love tammy
Disclaimer: * These judgements come from the story as revealed. I give the benefit of the doubt that Learn2Live gave an object version of the story so that I may share how I view it. One man's story sounds true until you hear the other man's story. All my judgements are made from the perspective of one ( wo)man's story. :-) My judgements come from what is revealed of his patterned behaviors, I can not know his heart.
Last edited by MeHandle; 08-10-2009 at 03:25 PM.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thanks everybody. What has been done is still haunting me, and my stomach is still turning. But what I sadly realized this morning is I have recognized that our ENTIRE "relationship" was a scam. That's hard. Really hard to deal with. And it hurts. I've been scammed for two years. And I feel like an IDIOT.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
It's okay. Two years, while it may seem long right now, isn't really that long, more like a blip in life. Much better than 20-30 like many experience with their A. And you will not always feel like an idiot. You will forgive yourself and realize you were just a loving person who thought wrongly she could be something special in an alcoholic's life. You, like us, just aren't stronger than the disease. But it doesn't mean that you aren't special to yourself, or that you won't find love again. Next time, though, you will know a red flag when you see one or "feel" one. Trust your gut from now on. Grieve through the end of this relationship, but do know that you will weather it, and survive it, and thrive from it. I promise you.
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