He has now been charged with SERIOUS CRIMMES!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
He has now been charged with SERIOUS CRIMMES!!!
Well in the last couple of days I have spoken with CW regulary and she is telling me all kind of stuff. For some reason she told me he didn't want to sign the divorce papers, told he it didn't matter what he wants at this point. ANy way she's just an idiot for telling me all she's told me. She's only 20 and dosen't have the life experience or the experience of being marrried to H that I have. On Friday he beat her up and went to jail for crminal domestic violence, she went to his bond hearing the next morning. I asked her what the hell she did that for and that she needs to forget she ever met him but she like I did 20 yrs. ago thought I could make him different and saw the potential there. If you don't do anything with the potential it's useless.
So last night he was officially charged with burgulary 1st degree, strong arm robbery, and forgery under $5000. WOW!!!!! He has never been charged with such serious crimes. I don't even know what to think about all this :wtf2 I am just so very sad and dissapointed that he done this. My next thought is god I hope this dosen't make the local news!! How terrible is that?? I am really upset with his choices because now that has affected his entire life and a small part of our son's life. Son WILL NOT be visiting in jail so who knows when he will see him again. It might be many years.
She is going to the bond court this morning about these charges and asked me to come. NOPE not wasting my gas, time, or energy on going to such crap. I've been to eenough of his bond hearings over the last 20 yrs, and I don't do that anymore. Little does she know but she will probably be arrested soon. She said she really didn't think H will tell on her!!!! I think she's on crack and out of her mind if she thinks that. I told her he was just using her and she was a means to an end. She's still trying to figure him out and I told her it's not either of our jobs to do that. I sit back and look at her and see so much of myself in her the ways she acts about him. She's not special just like I wasn't!!! It took me a long time to get out of denial and start seeing the situtation for what it really is and believe me it sucks but that's the reality of it. I feel like a counselor to her and have told her she really needs to go to some counseling and very very soon I mean!!!!
I feel like beating the crap out of him for doing something soooo...... stupid but then I realize he's just doing what they do and I have no control over that. I told the CW if love would have saved him he would have been saved years ago with me. Also told her love dosen't pay the elec. bill and to have a man around that dosen't want to work only wants to hustle or sell dope is INSANITY at it's finest
I'm going to have to call his mom soon and let her know what's going on with him and she really dosen't like to talk about him but this is something I think she needs to know as his mom. Son and I are the only family he has in this state so he's pretty much alone except for the ever so loyal CW. Oh yea and she's gonna take him money to put on canteen as soon as she gets it.
Anyway on a lighter note I am excited the semester starts soon, son is entering high school, and job is going well. SO right now things are good for son and I and that's really all that matters. I still have more I want to get out but this enough for now. Any comments,suggestions, or anything is welcome.
So last night he was officially charged with burgulary 1st degree, strong arm robbery, and forgery under $5000. WOW!!!!! He has never been charged with such serious crimes. I don't even know what to think about all this :wtf2 I am just so very sad and dissapointed that he done this. My next thought is god I hope this dosen't make the local news!! How terrible is that?? I am really upset with his choices because now that has affected his entire life and a small part of our son's life. Son WILL NOT be visiting in jail so who knows when he will see him again. It might be many years.
She is going to the bond court this morning about these charges and asked me to come. NOPE not wasting my gas, time, or energy on going to such crap. I've been to eenough of his bond hearings over the last 20 yrs, and I don't do that anymore. Little does she know but she will probably be arrested soon. She said she really didn't think H will tell on her!!!! I think she's on crack and out of her mind if she thinks that. I told her he was just using her and she was a means to an end. She's still trying to figure him out and I told her it's not either of our jobs to do that. I sit back and look at her and see so much of myself in her the ways she acts about him. She's not special just like I wasn't!!! It took me a long time to get out of denial and start seeing the situtation for what it really is and believe me it sucks but that's the reality of it. I feel like a counselor to her and have told her she really needs to go to some counseling and very very soon I mean!!!!
I feel like beating the crap out of him for doing something soooo...... stupid but then I realize he's just doing what they do and I have no control over that. I told the CW if love would have saved him he would have been saved years ago with me. Also told her love dosen't pay the elec. bill and to have a man around that dosen't want to work only wants to hustle or sell dope is INSANITY at it's finest
I'm going to have to call his mom soon and let her know what's going on with him and she really dosen't like to talk about him but this is something I think she needs to know as his mom. Son and I are the only family he has in this state so he's pretty much alone except for the ever so loyal CW. Oh yea and she's gonna take him money to put on canteen as soon as she gets it.
Anyway on a lighter note I am excited the semester starts soon, son is entering high school, and job is going well. SO right now things are good for son and I and that's really all that matters. I still have more I want to get out but this enough for now. Any comments,suggestions, or anything is welcome.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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You'd be surprised how many of us have made the news. My house and the situation inside it was on at 5, 6 and 10 for awhile here. In fact, during sweeps week, there was my house behind the reporter claiming to be "first on the scene". The police were great, and I was only known as "un-named girlfriend" because it wasn't about me, it just happened at my house.
I am glad that my sons knew a lot about the dynamics of my relationship with my ex bf, because my younger son was at work when the news broke into a soap opera to say there was a S.W.A.T. standoff at a local house, and he looked up to say "Holy crap, that's MY house!"
At the time it was devastating, but in a few days something else more interesting happened and then it was over. I was surprised to learn how many people already knew about some of the crazy stuff that was happening in my world. It wasn't a real big secret after all.
For my ex bf, alcohol + drugs + PTSD + extreme anxiety + suicide threat + loaded gun = a high likelihood he'll be in the news sooner or later. I told him I would call the police if he threatened suicide, and he did so I did.
I'm sorry this is happening in your life and in your son's life. Take good care of yourself and just do the next right thing.
I am glad that my sons knew a lot about the dynamics of my relationship with my ex bf, because my younger son was at work when the news broke into a soap opera to say there was a S.W.A.T. standoff at a local house, and he looked up to say "Holy crap, that's MY house!"
At the time it was devastating, but in a few days something else more interesting happened and then it was over. I was surprised to learn how many people already knew about some of the crazy stuff that was happening in my world. It wasn't a real big secret after all.
For my ex bf, alcohol + drugs + PTSD + extreme anxiety + suicide threat + loaded gun = a high likelihood he'll be in the news sooner or later. I told him I would call the police if he threatened suicide, and he did so I did.
I'm sorry this is happening in your life and in your son's life. Take good care of yourself and just do the next right thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
What a strange similarity.
One of the things that made me draw a no-drinking "I will not speak to you if you drink" line in the sand was an accident he was in. Others were involved and it too made the news but he refused to allow his name broadcast on the local channels. However, the nature of the accident was such that military folks were involved and he could not control what they chose to publish. A couple of articles and a rescue scene were put online. I was on the phone with him reading and watching it while he was telling me in detail how NONE of it happened. I sat there furiously saying that I was watching and reading about it. His brief response was "I didn't give permission for them to release my name..." This happened around the time he insulted/blamed me to our friends and started cheating. What was I thinking by believing that he would change???
One of the things that made me draw a no-drinking "I will not speak to you if you drink" line in the sand was an accident he was in. Others were involved and it too made the news but he refused to allow his name broadcast on the local channels. However, the nature of the accident was such that military folks were involved and he could not control what they chose to publish. A couple of articles and a rescue scene were put online. I was on the phone with him reading and watching it while he was telling me in detail how NONE of it happened. I sat there furiously saying that I was watching and reading about it. His brief response was "I didn't give permission for them to release my name..." This happened around the time he insulted/blamed me to our friends and started cheating. What was I thinking by believing that he would change???
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Onlyliveonce)))
My niece is 16 and lives with us because her mom died in a car wrecek at the age of 18 (niece was 1) and her biological dad is an addict.
She has had nothing to do with her dad in quite a while because of his behaviors. He will write letters when he is in jail, and call her occasionally but she doesn't respond. He was just recently arrested, AGAIN, and he made national news as being one of the "dumbest criminals".
He had been a trustee at a local police station and fire station, which are in the same building. He used the key to get in, went straight to the evidence room and stole drugs, money and guns. The guns, he sold for more dope..only 2 have been recovered. He left evidence that it was him who did the crime all over the place, and he was so high when he turned himself in, he admitted to another crime they didn't yet know about.
My niece was embarrrassed when all this came out, but now she's okay. I've been working with her, for a very long time, on codie issues. The one I have the biggest problem getting her to understand is that forgiving him will make her feel better, but I'm hoping her therapist can help me convince her.
I'm sure you don't want your son burdened with all of this, but unfortunately, it happens more than we'd like. Kids have their own way of dealing with stuff, but Brit told me that the reason she CAN deal with her "dad" is because she knows she is loved and that she doesn't have to see her "dad". She went from being embarrassed to printing out the article about her "dad" and showing it to her friends, saying "see what a dumba$$ he is?"
Now that he's locked up and is apparently going to be there for a while, I would ease off on the talks to the CW and concentrate on you. You can't keep her from going down the same path you did..she's got to learn the hard way, just like you did.
Focus on you, what you want from life, what you want to do. Yes, there is a lot of chaos surrounding them, but it honestly has nothing to do with you, and I would keep it that way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My niece is 16 and lives with us because her mom died in a car wrecek at the age of 18 (niece was 1) and her biological dad is an addict.
She has had nothing to do with her dad in quite a while because of his behaviors. He will write letters when he is in jail, and call her occasionally but she doesn't respond. He was just recently arrested, AGAIN, and he made national news as being one of the "dumbest criminals".
He had been a trustee at a local police station and fire station, which are in the same building. He used the key to get in, went straight to the evidence room and stole drugs, money and guns. The guns, he sold for more dope..only 2 have been recovered. He left evidence that it was him who did the crime all over the place, and he was so high when he turned himself in, he admitted to another crime they didn't yet know about.
My niece was embarrrassed when all this came out, but now she's okay. I've been working with her, for a very long time, on codie issues. The one I have the biggest problem getting her to understand is that forgiving him will make her feel better, but I'm hoping her therapist can help me convince her.
I'm sure you don't want your son burdened with all of this, but unfortunately, it happens more than we'd like. Kids have their own way of dealing with stuff, but Brit told me that the reason she CAN deal with her "dad" is because she knows she is loved and that she doesn't have to see her "dad". She went from being embarrassed to printing out the article about her "dad" and showing it to her friends, saying "see what a dumba$$ he is?"
Now that he's locked up and is apparently going to be there for a while, I would ease off on the talks to the CW and concentrate on you. You can't keep her from going down the same path you did..she's got to learn the hard way, just like you did.
Focus on you, what you want from life, what you want to do. Yes, there is a lot of chaos surrounding them, but it honestly has nothing to do with you, and I would keep it that way.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Only Live Once,
The nuttiness of these situations really builds up doesn't it? It is so sad that they make such destructive choices. How lucky your son is to have a mother who is looking out for his best interest and taking care of herself too.
Hugs
The nuttiness of these situations really builds up doesn't it? It is so sad that they make such destructive choices. How lucky your son is to have a mother who is looking out for his best interest and taking care of herself too.
Hugs
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Miss from what I read from your posts, that guy was trouble, imagine you could have been in the accident too, you are honestly worth so much more!!
Just as everybody here
WHY CANT YOU ALL SEE IT??????????? LOL
onlyliveonce, I see a lot of "he" and "his" in your post. Can you try posting something only with "I' "me"?
Just as everybody here
WHY CANT YOU ALL SEE IT??????????? LOL
onlyliveonce, I see a lot of "he" and "his" in your post. Can you try posting something only with "I' "me"?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Still Waters 
Why are you talking with the CW?
That was my question too. It appears you still are enmeshed in the chaos by continuing to be in contact with the CW. You also said you were going to call his mother and fill her in. I'd suggest you examine your motive for that? Is it to try and convince her just how 'bad' he really is? Is it your job to keep her informed now that you have left him?
You're either done with it, or you're not. I haven't heard anything about what you are doing for your own recovery, and moving forward with your life.
You'll change what you're doing when you get sick and tired of it, hon.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
onlyliveonce,
Being familiar with such situations with my sister I am guessing the CW called you because the AH/CH wanted you in bond court too help him as it looks better, often believed to the judge, if you are ? From my experience the other reason is so that they can give you the manipulating sad story in person and try to get whatever help they can get out of you.
Did you just use that opportunity to share with her what you have learned on your journey? At the least, she can now never say that someone didn't tell her the truth. I commend you for the perspective that comes through in your story. God knows if you behavior was co-da or if you were serving someone. So is this what happened and are you planning on doing this with her again or you said what you were lead to say?
As to calling the mom I was going to ask about that, if you would share your perspective on why you would call his mom? I know that if i made such a phone call it would relate to me children going over to their grandparents house.
In perspective to the situation do you view your choices as healthy boundaries and behaviors or no?
love tammy
Being familiar with such situations with my sister I am guessing the CW called you because the AH/CH wanted you in bond court too help him as it looks better, often believed to the judge, if you are ? From my experience the other reason is so that they can give you the manipulating sad story in person and try to get whatever help they can get out of you.
Did you just use that opportunity to share with her what you have learned on your journey? At the least, she can now never say that someone didn't tell her the truth. I commend you for the perspective that comes through in your story. God knows if you behavior was co-da or if you were serving someone. So is this what happened and are you planning on doing this with her again or you said what you were lead to say?
As to calling the mom I was going to ask about that, if you would share your perspective on why you would call his mom? I know that if i made such a phone call it would relate to me children going over to their grandparents house.
In perspective to the situation do you view your choices as healthy boundaries and behaviors or no?
love tammy
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