rae33

So my AH is in TX and went crazy with drinking, etc, etc (see previous post) Tonight I get a call from a friend who was with him WHILE HE WAS GETTING ARRESTED. And now I find out he had an outstanding warrant from over 10 years ago so is probably in trouble big time.

In some ways I am relieved... here is the answer to my prayers... I can go on with my life while he is 'away' and get my act together. I don't know what the whole situation is yet but I do know for sure that he's in jail because you can look that stuff up on the internet these days! I guess I wont know for a few days what the extent of the situation is. Monetarily I will be OK because the bulk of our income comes from an inheritance he received from his father which is handled by a trustee who happens to be his sister. She has already assured me that I don't have to worry, that everything will stay the same money-wise for as long as is necessary. In a way, his being a drunken idiot in front of all of them has only served to make them realize the truth, so I dont have to worry about them not believing me anymore.

I feel kind of bad for him but not really. Karma's a *&%#! Today he was supposed to call me and never did and I only have a cell phone which I dont think can even accept collect calls from jail so I wont be talking to him for a long time... if only he had called me this morning like he promised. If only he had gone over to his sisters house like he was supposed to tonight for dinner instead of going out with his old drinking buddies. If only he had paid one minute of thought towards his son and had wanted to be with him more than he wanted to get drunk.... he wouldn't be in this situation! So... really, choices have consequences and now he's there and I'm here at least for a little while and hopefully enough time for me to get stronger, get a job, save money and get my own life!!!

I do think as the reality sinks in I'm going to freak out somewhat but at the same time,,, there's nothing I can do about it, there never really was. At least he wont be drinking and smoking himself to death in there!

naive

hi rae-

oh well, i guess that's the end of his drunken holiday! how very convenient for you!

i hope you don't bail him out, but someone else might. why don't you consider blanking his calls? he might be walking soon on bail.

i've bailed mine out twice. i would never do that again. what a waste of money. mine didn't even say thank you, he just walked straight into a pub.

ItsmeAlice

Wow! What a way to teach his son how not to act like an adult. Thank goodness he is in safe hands out there.

I think you have the right idea in taking this moment to focus on what you need to do to get you and your son away from his drama.

I agree with stopping any and all contact. No bailing him out of anything...jail, legal fees, or anything like that. If his sister wants to cut him off from his funds, that's her decision and you can (thankfully) leave that to her. He's made his own bed, let him lie in it.

You'll feel the impact of this at some point. Don't think on that just yet. It'll come when it's time to grieve.

When the going gets tough, baby, the tough get going!

Alice

Daisy30

Sometimes HP steps and does for us what we are unable to do on our own.

Are you going to al-anon? Maybe this would be a good time to try it out?

queenteree

[QUOTE=Daisy30;2321890]Sometimes HP steps and does for us what we are unable to do on our own.

[QUOTE]
I've been waiting for many years for HP to step in and do something for me that I can't for myself, and NADA!
My AH has never suffered a consequence due to his alcoholism, he drinks and drives every single day, almost died twice, but is still alive, kicking, drinking and driving. He was diabetic, and his blood sugar dropped to 36 (dangerously low), I didn't force medical attention, nothing, he still woke up the next day. Needless to say, his drinking cured his diabetes!!!! The only consequences he has ever had have been at my hand and of course, the blame shifts to me (me calling the police, etc.) I even twice called the police when he was drinking and driving, they pulled up behind him (after seeing him drive) and waited till he was safely in the house! I always hope one day he will suffer a consequence of it that he can't blame on anyone but himself. But, unfortunately, that will never happen. Sorry to be a killjoy, but it's a sad fact. And I think it happens more than we'd like to believe.

TakingCharge999

When its our own time and meet HP we will certainly have a few questions....
ex got pulled over for 2 infractions while drunk, well they confused him with someone else and the corrupt police let him go. he will NEVEr get a DUI.
ME in my humanness do not know why there is that kind of extremely lucky ppl, they just surf, and will outlive us all. :wtf2


my more recovered self would say "good for them, whatever, now how will i spend MY day?"

rae33

Hey
I have had an interesting day. Emotional roller coaster. was going to do dinner with a girlfriend but we changed it to breakfast and drank coffee for 4 hours, after I got everything out about the current situation we talked about lots of other things and that really helped! She was very supportive and I know is someone I trust, which I really need right now. Talked to my son, he is doing OK, will be home 1 week from today. I MISS HIM! I know this has been devastating for him, only hope I can find the right way to help heal the wounds...

As for HP, I honestly, IMMEDIATELY felt that this was the work of HP. All the crazy driving around drunk over the weekend (with expired tags) didn't stop him, but he still got stopped. And apparently, he didn't even get arrested for drinking! He was with a group of friends (but was supposed to be at moms house!) out in a park doing the drum circle thing (kum ba yah). Anyway it was after curfew so police asked everyone for their ID's and he gets taken for this outstanding warrant. It's a felony warrant from 10 years ago, where he skipped bail and never showed for court. Lovely... So... I don't think he'll be getting out any time soon. Family will get him a lawyer and we'll see! But I do believe this is the work of HP, stepping in to STOP the destructive behavior (drinking but also smoking to the point he can barely breathe or walk up a hill- he's 44!) and also to give me a break, some peace, some time to just let everything work out the way it's meant to.

I am REALLY REALLY SAD, though. Just so sad at what a mess everything has become, sad because alcohol causes so many problems for so many people and yet it's pushed on us and advertised by this society for what reason I don't know! Money, I guess. Sad because I miss my son and I feel like he grew up a lot over the past few days and some(all?) of his last remaining innocence is gone. I am truly desperately so heartbroken over it all.

I have been to 1 al-anon meeting so far but found a different group that meets every day in a nice big old house, I want to try that out. I think I could use the comfort of every day at least for a little while. My friend is coming into town tomorrow to spend the weekend but right now I feel SO ALONE... and SAD... Sorry, I just need to let it out. It hurts.

naive

hi rae-

thanks for updating us. i am glad to hear that you are getting some support and the alanon meeting in the house sounds promising.

take your sadness and new awareness and channel it into protecting yourself and your son. i feel like we have all the information here at SR and it is sobering, for sure. it disspells the magical thinking that our alcoholics are going to see the light and become who we know they can...

the evidence and information shared here is enough to shatter that false illusion for all of us.

good luck and enjoy your weekend with your friend,
naive