The sweet sound of silence.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
The sweet sound of silence.
After all of the chaos, nonsense, fear, exhaustion, bruising, and back pain....I have moved and separated from my ABF. He is now the XABF. The first time I called him my EX to someone, it felt like a guilty pleasure. Is that bad? I was surprised that I didn't feel remorse or regret over it. Maybe it was more of a declaration of independence that I was emoting to.
Anyway, with the exception of 5 overly heavy items, which I wrangled some farm hands into helping with, I loaded a 14' truck by myself. Took 13 hours! Ugh. I drove the truck with my car on a trailer off the back end packed to the gills with three cats in crates and two dogs on the seat beside me 7 1/2 hours through two major rain storms and way too much traffic.
My horses survived their trip down and are at a lovely little farm getting plumper by the minute.
With some assistance from my friend I was able to get the truck unloaded. Thank goodness it's easier getting it out that in. I lost some things to water damage, but thankfully nothing irreplaceable.
After switching out modems and with a little tweaking, I've been able to get a signal out of my little hole in the ground, and I am up and working today. Hooray!
All the pets have done their exploring of our little grotto and have finally passed out. If there is one thing mommy has learned about moving with fur babies it's to be sure to put out their favorite chair, blanket, stuffed animal, or nesting spot ASAP. They all sought out their beloved napping quarters and hit the snooze button.
After what I've had to do to get to this point I am truly stunned we came out intact. I had my doubts we'd even get on the road at one point.
I have spoken to XABF, and he is back at his old job and working long hours. He talked a lot about his "problem" and even of getting real help for it and getting his life back together. He kept nudging me to say I'd get back together with him if he did. I told him that I would remain supportive of his efforts to get sober. Beyond that, I cannot say. So much would have to change for both of us and by then, we could be completely incompatible. I'm not surprised by any of it since I have read of it happening to others here.
Now that the move is over for both of us our contact is minimal to none. I think that's best.
It's just so quiet!!! I don't hear grumbling. I don't hear stomping footsteps. No phone ringing. No sounds of crunching eggshells. This is going to take some getting used to.
Thanks for the support!!
Alice
Anyway, with the exception of 5 overly heavy items, which I wrangled some farm hands into helping with, I loaded a 14' truck by myself. Took 13 hours! Ugh. I drove the truck with my car on a trailer off the back end packed to the gills with three cats in crates and two dogs on the seat beside me 7 1/2 hours through two major rain storms and way too much traffic.
My horses survived their trip down and are at a lovely little farm getting plumper by the minute.
With some assistance from my friend I was able to get the truck unloaded. Thank goodness it's easier getting it out that in. I lost some things to water damage, but thankfully nothing irreplaceable.
After switching out modems and with a little tweaking, I've been able to get a signal out of my little hole in the ground, and I am up and working today. Hooray!
All the pets have done their exploring of our little grotto and have finally passed out. If there is one thing mommy has learned about moving with fur babies it's to be sure to put out their favorite chair, blanket, stuffed animal, or nesting spot ASAP. They all sought out their beloved napping quarters and hit the snooze button.
After what I've had to do to get to this point I am truly stunned we came out intact. I had my doubts we'd even get on the road at one point.
I have spoken to XABF, and he is back at his old job and working long hours. He talked a lot about his "problem" and even of getting real help for it and getting his life back together. He kept nudging me to say I'd get back together with him if he did. I told him that I would remain supportive of his efforts to get sober. Beyond that, I cannot say. So much would have to change for both of us and by then, we could be completely incompatible. I'm not surprised by any of it since I have read of it happening to others here.
Now that the move is over for both of us our contact is minimal to none. I think that's best.
It's just so quiet!!! I don't hear grumbling. I don't hear stomping footsteps. No phone ringing. No sounds of crunching eggshells. This is going to take some getting used to.
Thanks for the support!!
Alice
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Someplace USA
Posts: 415
Good for you!!! When I left my first husband I remember being so happy; like a huge weight had been lifted off me. He was into drugs (big time)... So I would take your guilty pleasure and smile...smile...smile...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 80
Congratulations, especially for doing all that moving stuff by yourself...it gives me hope for my own single life! Enjoy the peace and calm. And I could identify with the 'guilty pleasure' thing...it takes a while to sink in: 'the ex'. Good luck in your new place and with your new life.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Now you can exhale. Feels good, huh. Nothing better than waking up every day, having had a restful night and knowing that life may bring you some drama but his can't touch you.
Good luck with your new life and your new place. :ghug2
Good luck with your new life and your new place. :ghug2
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Alice,
Thanks for checking in. I'm so glad you and the critters made the move and are doing well. After all the stress and drama of the past few weeks, I'm sure you all (critters included) sighed a collective sigh of relief.
Welcome to the rest of your life. I hope it is filled with love, peace and happiness!
Thanks for checking in. I'm so glad you and the critters made the move and are doing well. After all the stress and drama of the past few weeks, I'm sure you all (critters included) sighed a collective sigh of relief.
Welcome to the rest of your life. I hope it is filled with love, peace and happiness!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Thanks for the well wishes!!
I was cruising along okay and then exhaustion hit me like a train. I've been sleeping well enough just not getting enough of it with everything to do and no time to do it. Well, today I have a whole lot of time but not a lot of get up and go.
I set an alarm and laid out with my two dogs. All three of us were sawing logs in a second. Slept right through to the alarm. No one woke me. No one bothered me. What bliss. Now I've rested. Gotten a snack.
This just feels weird. Almost awkward in a way. Like there's something I'm forgetting to do. I have a list of things to get done. Address changes, some groceries to get, etc, but nothing urgent. What am I forgetting?? Was all that drama really that time consuming that now I've got more time on my hands than I know what to do with?
I can't wait for the soreness to pass and my energy to come back. Moving wipes me out!
I was cruising along okay and then exhaustion hit me like a train. I've been sleeping well enough just not getting enough of it with everything to do and no time to do it. Well, today I have a whole lot of time but not a lot of get up and go.
I set an alarm and laid out with my two dogs. All three of us were sawing logs in a second. Slept right through to the alarm. No one woke me. No one bothered me. What bliss. Now I've rested. Gotten a snack.
This just feels weird. Almost awkward in a way. Like there's something I'm forgetting to do. I have a list of things to get done. Address changes, some groceries to get, etc, but nothing urgent. What am I forgetting?? Was all that drama really that time consuming that now I've got more time on my hands than I know what to do with?
I can't wait for the soreness to pass and my energy to come back. Moving wipes me out!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Was all that drama really that time consuming that now I've got more time on my hands than I know what to do with?
And I'm sure part of your exhaustion is the psychic stress of having to do this new way of living. Like the rest of us, you became an expert in managing high drama. You rocked at it. Now you have to learn an entirely different day-to-day skillset of You Management, and it will take a bit out of you. It doesn't come as naturally as your old job.
Take those naps. Get lots of physical contact with your critters. Relish the quiet. And when it starts to feel like it's not enough, you will know it, and will be moved to substitute new healthy pursuits for your drama-manager job!!!
Hugs to you alice -- so glad you made it out! It's been a long time coming.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
alice-
i'm delighted that you got out! and my hats off to you for your fantastic effort to get packed up and arrive there. wow.
i'm with givelove, make sure you take naps and rest. you've been through a lot.
congratulations on your victory,
naive
i'm delighted that you got out! and my hats off to you for your fantastic effort to get packed up and arrive there. wow.
i'm with givelove, make sure you take naps and rest. you've been through a lot.
congratulations on your victory,
naive
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Alice, congrats to you! While I'm on the other side, the recovering alcoholic here, my life has been much better sober AND WITH OUT HIM!!!! Enjoy the peace and serenity. I sure am.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Alice- you are your own woman... packing all those belongings, your dogs, and horses!
(I have horses too!) Making that haul by yourself... I take my hat off to you!
Enjoy your peace, and less stressful life! I'm enjoying the same (no egg shells here either) — it's quite wonderful!
(I have horses too!) Making that haul by yourself... I take my hat off to you!
Enjoy your peace, and less stressful life! I'm enjoying the same (no egg shells here either) — it's quite wonderful!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Thanks all!! The encouragement is so appreciated.
I went shopping for the first time in a decade as a single girl. Just picking out what I like to eat and not even looking at the beer and junk food aisles felt odd. So much cheaper, too. Well, not as much as it could be, I'm trying to keep up my healthier diet, too, and the healthier stuff always seems to be more expensive.
I went shopping for the first time in a decade as a single girl. Just picking out what I like to eat and not even looking at the beer and junk food aisles felt odd. So much cheaper, too. Well, not as much as it could be, I'm trying to keep up my healthier diet, too, and the healthier stuff always seems to be more expensive.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yes I know, the organic stuff is the most expensive, what's wrong people???????? LOL
Alice today I am reflecting on the silence around me... its SO worth it. My kitten Dolce and me send you big hugs!! I take my hats off too for such a great escape!!!!!
Alice today I am reflecting on the silence around me... its SO worth it. My kitten Dolce and me send you big hugs!! I take my hats off too for such a great escape!!!!!
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