CatsPajamas

I found this in my archives and thought I'd share it here. It's timely for me, as I find myself in between once again. It's not my first time, and I'm fairly certain it won't be the last....

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

Once of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want; and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortable feelings. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of our life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between; spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from here to there. It's not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

myraelen

I very fondly refer to this state of existence as being 'on the bridge' and find the experience always a bit eerie and uncomfortable.
Reading your words I found relief, I have never happened upon such a strongly accurate description.
Thank you.

MeHandle

Hey CatsPajamas,

I blogged this when I was looking for a place I belonged,( on myspace, lol...did not get the kind of people responding I was looking for) so not long before I found SR,F and F!!! Wow.. It was interesting to go back and see 3 of the things I needed and God supplied for my in between stage!

lol... I had titled it " in between in"

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in between in
Current mood: impatient
I am in between a lot right now. It is hard to rest , not be anxious, not be discontent and not be nervous when you are in between major positions in life.

I am in between being married and single. I am in between jobs.( At least I better be in between jobs.) I am in between remodeling work as it is already started but not finished. I am in between my STBXH and my kids as it is the nature of separation in the same house ( * when protecting them from an alcoholic father.) *** I had removed this part. }

"In between" is complicated by money, or lack of, being a neutral. See here is how: Can't pay for a divorce right now because no job means no money and not enough money to support this household when divorced. My income is needed now even before a divorce, so really with both of us we are behind right now. I can't work on the house while at home not working because we can't buy the supplies.

Well, the other reason this is so hard is because I am not use to not being able to help pay the bills. I have never had to "wait" so long when actively applying for jobs.

When you are "in between" there is only so much room to move and sometimes you have to wait to be able to get out or free.This reminds me of entering into a human traffic jam after a graduation with 3000 people and only 6 doors to exit at one exit area. Be patient, I tell myself, be patient. You can't go around, you can't go under, you can't push your way through. All you can do is slowly travel towards the doors while stuck in between.

What also feels the same is that I am people watching at this in between stage. If someone is close I will try and talk with them, but being they are stuck to they might no be interested in a conversation. I just watch the crowd but I can't really make a connection. I just watch people as I can barely move from in between them, remembering to be patient while I wait to get to the person who is outside waiting on the other side of the door, where I will be when I am freed from the human traffic jam where I am stuck in between the graduation gym and the doors to the outside.

These are just simple thoughts, I did not try to construct perfect analogies for my feelings. This was not meant to teach anything. It was just meant to look at my feelings.

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Well thank you SR as I found my community connection.:-) This was at the time I was trying to find a trusted al-anon meeting and was not finding a connection. I thank God for both as right before I found SR I got connected with the right community for face to face connections. SR serves a special purpose that I never thought it would and I know it has to do a lot with multiple perspectives and being able to read others from their written words and write out my thoughts.

And God provided a job too.:-)

And God is teaching me more about surrender and patients then I ever imaged possible. He also has granted me some patience!!!!!!!!

Oh Lord, thank you that you are ever present with us in every stage of our lives. I pray for all here in the in between stage to know you want to be present there with us, to know your protection and love. For Your word says you are with the broken hearted. Help us to continue to surrender all to You. May our patience be in trusting you, our provider. Amen.

Thanks Cat!!! This obviously stirred my heart and mind and gave me a chance to look back and see that my Provider is faithful!!!!!

love tammy

blessed4x

Thank you for this! I'm most definately "in between". Some days I feel scared that I'll never marry again and grow old alone. Other days I rejoice that I could grow old alone and be happy that way.

I love the part about letting go of the old in preparaton for the new. I have a sense of knowing that really great things are in store for me. I'm learning that those things may or may not include another relationship, and I'm learning to be okay with that.

TakingCharge999

Oh that's precisely how I feel inside, all the intense feelings being released, then... nothing.

Its hard to believe this is not IT, this is NOT how everything will be from now on. Faith involves not being afraid of silence and stillness.


Thanks for sharing this, it really helped me today!!