juju

It's like my DOC, I swear! Am I the only one?

Been having a very overwhelming week, and taking a drive this evening, really trying to figure it out, I think it all boils down to drama. I just can’t seem to stay away from it. I look for it. I dwell on it. I’m over-thinking everything and taking everything personally. I’m letting things really get to me, things that I have no control over. I have not been able to let anything go. Is this a codie relapse for me? I feel like I’m on the verge of one. Somebody get me off! I don’t wanna be here! The kids were fighting today, and I about had a nervous breakdown. What is with me?

Faerie

It sounds like you are in a dark place and I am sorry to hear that.

Without having details I can offer no advice just love and support.

Be kind to yourself and put you and your kids first.

Much love,

kv816

It's not just you. I understand where you're coming from because I think I'm on the same boat. I realize a lot of things lately, I'm really taking the time to sit back and think on the 45 minute drive to daycare to pick up my kids every day. It is relaxing, but also stressful in a way. It used to be the "to do" list that stressed me out most. OMG HOW am I going to get ALL that done or all that paid??? Now it's stressful mostly because I have the time to stop and think about ME. What I've done wrong, what I need to do to repair those things so I can move forward. It's hard to explain, but it makes sense in my mind when I think about it.

Anyway. I wish I had advice for you. I do know how difficult it is though. It's so hard for me to not be needed. My job has me moving non stop day in and day out taking care of everyone's problems the best I can and when the day ends the only problems left to fix are my own. And those, for me, are always the hardest.

Hang in there. I know it's easier said than done some days. But I'm always here, unload if you need to.

gns

I find doing things that get me out of my "head" and settled into myslef help - yoga, a hard workout, something where I CAN't think except for what I am doing in that moment.

That helps the go back out centered.

Hope you feel better.

MissFixit

Hi,

I don't think it is just codies that like drama. I see many people use chaos as a way to not deal with certain aspects that are hard.

I like being organized and I hate drama, but find that it sneaks into my life when I stop being aware of everything that is going on around me. It is exhausting to keep a constant vigil, so I tend to remove the crap from my life as soon as I see it. This now includes people too. Serenity is awesome, but maintaining it takes work. There is no plateau that you reach and can let it all go. I used to think that there was.

Anyway, centering for me is exercise, cooking, reading, going to a movie or napping.