contacting my husband.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3
contacting my husband.....
ok Im totally new to this site not new to the concept see my father is an alcholic, so Ive been threw this before but my husband was sent to rehab by the court system for alcoholism before he had left he had been 4 months sober (on his own ) thinking it would be really good to go to rehab anyway he left so I droped him off on friday and they had a blackout period that weekend its been almost a week and i hadnt heard anything from him (keep in mind we didnt get any information on this treatment center....nothing at all) found out today for the past 3 days hes been able to call us and even had a blocked time for the phone use. I was so worried that i called tonight......after finding out the information and he picked up the phone and acted like we inturupted something important I told him we had not gotten his phone call and it started to worry us and he said he had been too busy everynight swimming or playing volleyball, im attending meeting and really working on myself and children but it hurt me so much... that while he said hes having a great time he never once thought to contact us, and when we did talk alls he wanted for me to do was bring him chewing tabbaco I asked if their was visting times and he told me that I could just drop it off
I know he is working on himself..but not even an I miss you or how are the kids......
:praying for a better day
I know he is working on himself..but not even an I miss you or how are the kids......:praying for a better day
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family.
We're glad you found us. I'm sorry that your call with your husband did not go as you had hoped. I'm sure that you wanted to know more about how he was doing and his feelings about the treatment. It must have hurt that he didn't think to ask about you and the rest of the family.
Since this is your first post here, we don't know a lot about your situation and home life. Was your husband more considerate with you during his 4 months of sobriety prior to treatment?
You mentioned that you are attending meetings. Are you attending Al Anon or a support group for families through the treatment center?
You will find a lot of support and wisdom here at SR. Please make yourself at home and read and post as much as you need.
We're glad you found us. I'm sorry that your call with your husband did not go as you had hoped. I'm sure that you wanted to know more about how he was doing and his feelings about the treatment. It must have hurt that he didn't think to ask about you and the rest of the family.
Since this is your first post here, we don't know a lot about your situation and home life. Was your husband more considerate with you during his 4 months of sobriety prior to treatment?
You mentioned that you are attending meetings. Are you attending Al Anon or a support group for families through the treatment center?
You will find a lot of support and wisdom here at SR. Please make yourself at home and read and post as much as you need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3
the back story
My husbands drinkng had been for about a year (weve been married for 9) just hanging out with this friend on fridays turned into drunk friday night to sunday, before that we had very open communication and after he had his dui he stoped haning out with this friend and quite drinking, the last 4 months has been like before the drinking, church on sunday famliy time personal time it was awesome we even had our 4th child arrive everything was great even when I dropped him off at the treatment center he was still the guy I had fallen in love with the first day we met, thats why the phone call really upset me or lack of one weve always had great communication, I dont know if I should call again or not even try, wait for him to communicate to me? i dont want bagger him with our phone calls if he doesnt want them
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I think that rehab can be a very intense time for many people. And they are told to concentrate on themselves, that their lives depend on it.
Just a suggestion, but you might call and ask to speak with his counselor. If your husband has stated that you can be given information, the counselor can let you know how he's doing. It might ease your mind.
Just a suggestion, but you might call and ask to speak with his counselor. If your husband has stated that you can be given information, the counselor can let you know how he's doing. It might ease your mind.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
"This too shall pass"
Just as I can't see your facial expressions on the computer, you were not able to see your husbands body language and expressions during your brief phone call. I wouldn't make any assumptions based on that one conversation. There may have been other people standing near by when you spoke on the phone.
It sounds like you have a good relationship. You will have time to communicate when he is released.
Take this time to keep him in postive thoughts/prayers. Continue to get the support you need. Coming here, attending meetings and speaking face to face with people who have been through rehab as a couple will help you.
Can you do something for yourself today? Manicure, pedicure or massage? I find that physical exercise helps clear my head of stinking thinking.
Just as I can't see your facial expressions on the computer, you were not able to see your husbands body language and expressions during your brief phone call. I wouldn't make any assumptions based on that one conversation. There may have been other people standing near by when you spoke on the phone.
It sounds like you have a good relationship. You will have time to communicate when he is released.
Take this time to keep him in postive thoughts/prayers. Continue to get the support you need. Coming here, attending meetings and speaking face to face with people who have been through rehab as a couple will help you.
Can you do something for yourself today? Manicure, pedicure or massage? I find that physical exercise helps clear my head of stinking thinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi washingtonbee-
i'm sorry that he is so selfish and inconsiderate to you. too busy to call because he is playing volleyball while you are at home taking care of 4 children by yourself? it's unacceptable in my opinion.
mine was the same. it's like they live in some sort of bubble or something, where only they exist. i remember phone calls when we were apart, where he only talked about himself and what he was doing. when i hung up the phone, i would realize that he had never asked me how i was, how my trip was, how my mother was...it was 100% about him.
best to get on with your own recovery so that you can get strong and establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
i'm sorry that he is so selfish and inconsiderate to you. too busy to call because he is playing volleyball while you are at home taking care of 4 children by yourself? it's unacceptable in my opinion.
mine was the same. it's like they live in some sort of bubble or something, where only they exist. i remember phone calls when we were apart, where he only talked about himself and what he was doing. when i hung up the phone, i would realize that he had never asked me how i was, how my trip was, how my mother was...it was 100% about him.
best to get on with your own recovery so that you can get strong and establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
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