HOPEKNOWS

It's been 4 months since I asked my a bf to move out. (Originally I thought this would be a temporary move, now I see it's better as a permanent move.) I am not looking for a new relationship. In fact, I have noticed I am consistently attracted to the unhealthy guys more than the normal/ healthy ones. Good reason to work on myself, right? But at the 4th of July celebration in town, I met a very nice man who is the friend of a friend. They've known each other 10+ years and this man is very nice. But his last girlfriend was an alcoholic. Another x gf committed suicide (in 2000) but not during their time together. So in my mind, I'm thinking "he's a codependent like me". Now we are spending time together and having lunch etc. He's very respectful and nice and funny. Just a big contrast from my a xbf. He seems to really want to be my bf though. And I'm a little nervous. I kissed him briefly a couple of times. I rarely date and I just don't know what to think!

Astro

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and a codependent. Just my experience, most alcoholics are also codependent, but codependents aren't always alcoholics or addicts. Confused yet? Lol.

My fiancee is a codependent, she's been in recovery for much longer than I have. Our relationship was very rocky at first, it took a couple years for us to cement our lives together comfortably. Even now, I believe that without our programs of recovery it probably wouldn't be as healthy as it is.

We attend a CoDA meeting together every week, we both have service commitments, I attend as many AA meetings as possible. I think it takes a lot of dedication to have a successful relationship in recovery, but the payoff is having a healthy understanding of each other, and a desire to work together on our issues.

sandrawg

Question - does he see himself as codependent? Or maybe it's too early for you guys to have discussed this.

I say, it's early days. If it were me, I'd just get to know him more. see how things go. Take it slowly. Enjoy it for now and see where things go.

TakingCharge999

Hi hope,think about what you want first and foremost, you do not have to go out with anyone just because "he wants to be your bf"... its more like: do YOU want to be his gf?

Learning to listen to yourself takes time and practice... it does not matter what kind of ex's you two have had if NOW you have learned from all that...

beginner

Just be careful - it's only been 4 months! That's not a lot of time to recover from your last relationship, and ideally you should be dealing with the issues that caused you to go into a relationship like that one.

I wonder what kind of work he has done - does he attend Al-Anon meetings or has he had therapy? You need to get to know him really well before you enter into another relationship, and that takes a lot of time. If he still has issues that are unresolved, and you are bringing to the relationship unresolved issues, it is a recipe for disaster. Like going from the fire to the frying pan... Not a lot of difference.

I don't think you would post unless you had a desire to have a dating relationship with this man. But I also think you've posted because you are worried - you need to listen to that part of you that is giving your warning signals and worrying you. Remember that often those that are in a relationship with an alcoholic are addicted to relationships. I don't think it would be a wise choice to get into a relationship this early, no matter how much work you have done in that time.

P.S. Want to read about my story? Go to my profile and find the link for my blog.