How will my AH get to work
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Originally Posted by whyamistaying 
Anyways, I woke up this morning and AH is gone. We talked and he said a coworker picked him up. I guess this guy is willing to pick him up in the mornings. He will have to pay him $20 a ride (his lunch money). But I wanted to share.
What is scary is that even when I stop doing things to enable him AH finds someone else who will. He borrowed money from the guy because he didn't have money. It makes me sad for the guy, but it isn't my problem.
What is scary is that even when I stop doing things to enable him AH finds someone else who will. He borrowed money from the guy because he didn't have money. It makes me sad for the guy, but it isn't my problem.
Originally Posted by whyamistaying
Honestly, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with driving right now. I told him there is no insurance on him (since no DL) and he still doesn't get it.
L
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
If there's one thing that flares up tension on this forum, it's people being abused.
Even moreso when children are abused.
But when it's animals that are being abused, heaven help us, we could very easily set the place on fire.
I feel as strongly about this as anyone (GL grinds teeth as she types), but let's try to keep this on-topic if we can. Superhuman effort, I know, but let's try.
Even moreso when children are abused.
But when it's animals that are being abused, heaven help us, we could very easily set the place on fire.
I feel as strongly about this as anyone (GL grinds teeth as she types), but let's try to keep this on-topic if we can. Superhuman effort, I know, but let's try.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi I just felt the need to clarify something...
By "heroine" I did not mean to say "good codie wife, keep sacrificing yourself"
By "heroine" I mean the woman going through tough stuff, reflecting on her choices, working A LOT daily taking care of the kids and placing new boundaries and learning about herself and the realities of alcoholism... this is a process... RIGHT NOW I see a lot of effort and courage in whyamistaying's posts. Progress, not perfection, right.
I also meant it in a practical way as in getting things done! In general.
Anyway, good for him to have another ride, I mean hours of sleep are sacred to me... sleeping an hour or two more can make all the difference in the quality of your day...
Yup, there are always enablers... it does not come as a surprise he found someone so quickly.. perhaps knowing he has other people to "help" releases you from any guilt?
By the way can you give yourself a gift today, even if its little, like buying a flower or eating your favorite dessert?
I used to think those were superficial, dumb things to do but now I know it works in many levels, as in "you are Someone and you deserve joy"
By "heroine" I did not mean to say "good codie wife, keep sacrificing yourself"
By "heroine" I mean the woman going through tough stuff, reflecting on her choices, working A LOT daily taking care of the kids and placing new boundaries and learning about herself and the realities of alcoholism... this is a process... RIGHT NOW I see a lot of effort and courage in whyamistaying's posts. Progress, not perfection, right.
I also meant it in a practical way as in getting things done! In general.
Anyway, good for him to have another ride, I mean hours of sleep are sacred to me... sleeping an hour or two more can make all the difference in the quality of your day...
Yup, there are always enablers... it does not come as a surprise he found someone so quickly.. perhaps knowing he has other people to "help" releases you from any guilt?
By the way can you give yourself a gift today, even if its little, like buying a flower or eating your favorite dessert?
I used to think those were superficial, dumb things to do but now I know it works in many levels, as in "you are Someone and you deserve joy"
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 63
Why - I just want to commend you on sharing your story here and having both the courage and the willingness to find the right path for you in what is a very tricky situation we all find ourselves in. There have been a couple of cans of worms opened up as a result of all of this, but I just hope that you might realise that for my posts at least, I hadn't meant them in a way that might judge you - but to help you. I feel that sometimes as partners of alcoholics we don't always realise what our motives are, or the gain that we actually get from the relationship with the alcoholic. Without realising that, we may continue to repeat negative cycles and not be honest about why they are happening.
We do have choices, and it seems to me that you were genuinely wanting to make the right choice here. I think the results are good: you have stopped driving him to work, and he has found another solution. No doubt his new driver will get sick of non-payment or lending money, but as you said - that is their problem. At least now you have set your boundary, you are able to stop the long commute and don't have to work till late at night.
We are all on a similar path to you. I am still working on boundaries and not being over-responsible and not rescuing as well. So again, please don't feel judged by any of my posts.
We do have choices, and it seems to me that you were genuinely wanting to make the right choice here. I think the results are good: you have stopped driving him to work, and he has found another solution. No doubt his new driver will get sick of non-payment or lending money, but as you said - that is their problem. At least now you have set your boundary, you are able to stop the long commute and don't have to work till late at night.
We are all on a similar path to you. I am still working on boundaries and not being over-responsible and not rescuing as well. So again, please don't feel judged by any of my posts.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 63
Prodigal, with regards to your original post: I agreed with everything you said. However, I do think that sometimes we can take boundaries too far - and when our boundaries mean that innocent people (or animals) are hurt, I think we need to draw the line there.
For instance, if my husband was drunk and wanting to drive my son (yet to be born!) somewhere, I would not stand by and allow the "consequences" of him doing that to "teach him a lesson." All it will do is hurt my son.
It doesn't sound to me like you are intentionally trying to hurt the dog at all! From what you've said you are normally kind to animals. And I agree with you how important it is to set boundaries and allow the alcoholic in our lives to experience the consequences of their decisions. Again, however, I do think boundaries can "go to far" and in this case, I have to agree with others - I don't feel this dog deserves to wear your alcoholic's consequences. Perhaps you could feed him - and look for a good home for him? I'm sure you'll be able to find one eventually. Personally, I would take over his care and treat him as my own since your alcoholic seems incapable of looking after him. But giving him to a good home is just as good.
Again - no judgment or offense intended.
For instance, if my husband was drunk and wanting to drive my son (yet to be born!) somewhere, I would not stand by and allow the "consequences" of him doing that to "teach him a lesson." All it will do is hurt my son.
It doesn't sound to me like you are intentionally trying to hurt the dog at all! From what you've said you are normally kind to animals. And I agree with you how important it is to set boundaries and allow the alcoholic in our lives to experience the consequences of their decisions. Again, however, I do think boundaries can "go to far" and in this case, I have to agree with others - I don't feel this dog deserves to wear your alcoholic's consequences. Perhaps you could feed him - and look for a good home for him? I'm sure you'll be able to find one eventually. Personally, I would take over his care and treat him as my own since your alcoholic seems incapable of looking after him. But giving him to a good home is just as good.
Again - no judgment or offense intended.
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