how can i stay busy enough to move on!?!
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Join Date: May 2008
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You summed it up in a nutshell, sister.
Originally Posted by goodbyelove 
I can't put into words how much it has helped me already to gain perspective and re-focus on the truth: he is an alcoholic, until he is ready to and seeks help, it will never work. No matter how badly I want to or how hard I try or how much I love him; I cannot fix him.
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
Oh yeah, I had to filter out other people's comments. One of his friends told me, "his drinking hasn't hurt anything but his relationship with you, and that's just cuz you can't accept his 'recreational drinking'."
I won't even get into how mad they made me, on so many levels.
I have a friend who's brother is an alcoholic, and she and I are going to start going to meetings together, and I'm excited about that. I'm glad you're considering it.
I won't even get into how mad they made me, on so many levels.
I have a friend who's brother is an alcoholic, and she and I are going to start going to meetings together, and I'm excited about that. I'm glad you're considering it.
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One great thing that advanced age has done for me 
is to remove any filters from my mouth that keep me from saying - to anyone -
"Interesting point of view. But you weren't there when he was shaking so bad after one day of not drinking he couldn't drive and was vomiting from the withdrawal symptoms, or when he was smoking pot in the mornings, or when I had to go to the hospital and he was too busy getting hammered to be there for me. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?"
And yeah, I did have that exact conversation with a parent, and I'm not sorry I let that emotion out. You deserve better, no matter what ignorant well-wishers say.
is to remove any filters from my mouth that keep me from saying - to anyone - "Interesting point of view. But you weren't there when he was shaking so bad after one day of not drinking he couldn't drive and was vomiting from the withdrawal symptoms, or when he was smoking pot in the mornings, or when I had to go to the hospital and he was too busy getting hammered to be there for me. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?"
And yeah, I did have that exact conversation with a parent, and I'm not sorry I let that emotion out. You deserve better, no matter what ignorant well-wishers say.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Ok you are all my new best girl friends, LOL
Goodbyelove, you are "getting it" in 13 posts only, I have posted more than a thousand times and still get caught up in the madness! hope you feel better, you are not a slow learner... unlike "others" (ME)
Can I suggest not going to Facebook at this vulnerable time? not only its the ex, but the common people that can say so many hurtful things.......love status changes, other people sending congratulations, or saying "WHAT A KICK A$$ WEEKEND!!' while you alone made the Kleenex company double their earnings, the torture is endless.. not worth it...
I too was in talking terms after the breakup, until someone told me he had a gf for 2 months then, we had agreed on "taking it slow" and "trying once again" after some time, so all the while I had this idea he had been going at it with someone else. IT would have taken 2 min. to say "look let's not get any more hopes up". But no, some "friend" had to tell me all about the Facebook messages.... I felt so humiliated and betrayed, sheeshhhhh! then watching the happy drunken picture is insult to injury... oh no... not good.
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
UGH!!!
Regarding the new partners the ex may have....... I can think "yeah I also appeared happy in the pics" and no one saw when he was trembling from withdrawal too one morning, and when he was verbally abusing and so many instances I'd better remember to move forward...
Our perspective is unique and we should use what we have seen and heard and lived to support our own decisions. When I go down that road again and feel hurt I remember all the bad times caused by HIS drinking out of control (it helps!) so I can see my solitude and quiet apartment in a new light.
Try not to discuss his problem or your relationship with people that have not known alcoholism. Otherwise they will get you mad and frustrated.. talk to us instead
LOL GL, I wish I had the guts to answer that way! once I said out loud "i am now free of an active alcoholic in denial with agressive tendencies" it felt closer to the truth...
As someone else said hopefully someday they will recover and look back in their old age and realize how they have hurt others.. as another poster said, we will be busy in a beach making love to a real man and all this madness will be part of a past long forgotten.
Goodbyelove, you are "getting it" in 13 posts only, I have posted more than a thousand times and still get caught up in the madness! hope you feel better, you are not a slow learner... unlike "others" (ME)
Can I suggest not going to Facebook at this vulnerable time? not only its the ex, but the common people that can say so many hurtful things.......love status changes, other people sending congratulations, or saying "WHAT A KICK A$$ WEEKEND!!' while you alone made the Kleenex company double their earnings, the torture is endless.. not worth it...
I too was in talking terms after the breakup, until someone told me he had a gf for 2 months then, we had agreed on "taking it slow" and "trying once again" after some time, so all the while I had this idea he had been going at it with someone else. IT would have taken 2 min. to say "look let's not get any more hopes up". But no, some "friend" had to tell me all about the Facebook messages.... I felt so humiliated and betrayed, sheeshhhhh! then watching the happy drunken picture is insult to injury... oh no... not good.
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
UGH!!!
Regarding the new partners the ex may have....... I can think "yeah I also appeared happy in the pics" and no one saw when he was trembling from withdrawal too one morning, and when he was verbally abusing and so many instances I'd better remember to move forward...
Our perspective is unique and we should use what we have seen and heard and lived to support our own decisions. When I go down that road again and feel hurt I remember all the bad times caused by HIS drinking out of control (it helps!) so I can see my solitude and quiet apartment in a new light.
Try not to discuss his problem or your relationship with people that have not known alcoholism. Otherwise they will get you mad and frustrated.. talk to us instead
LOL GL, I wish I had the guts to answer that way! once I said out loud "i am now free of an active alcoholic in denial with agressive tendencies" it felt closer to the truth...
As someone else said hopefully someday they will recover and look back in their old age and realize how they have hurt others.. as another poster said, we will be busy in a beach making love to a real man and all this madness will be part of a past long forgotten.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Yup, yup, heard a lot of the same cr*p.
"He's 25-he'll get it out of his system." ETC.
I did tell his mom about one new year's when he had a drunken temper tantrum and knocked over chairs in an outside restaurant. This was with several cops nearby. I had to talk two of them out of arresting him - TWICE.
Oh, and then theere was the time he smashed my phone in a drunken rage.
Uh huh. Yeah It's just a "phase."
These people are in denial, as well. It's too painful to face or, in the case of my xabf's friends, I think they didn't want to lose their drinking buddy. He's just so happy and fun when he's drunk! Sure, well for some reason they weren't there when the above incidences happened. They're all alcoholics and potheads too anyway. Like tends to congregate with like.
"He's 25-he'll get it out of his system." ETC.
I did tell his mom about one new year's when he had a drunken temper tantrum and knocked over chairs in an outside restaurant. This was with several cops nearby. I had to talk two of them out of arresting him - TWICE.
Oh, and then theere was the time he smashed my phone in a drunken rage.
Uh huh. Yeah It's just a "phase."
These people are in denial, as well. It's too painful to face or, in the case of my xabf's friends, I think they didn't want to lose their drinking buddy. He's just so happy and fun when he's drunk! Sure, well for some reason they weren't there when the above incidences happened. They're all alcoholics and potheads too anyway. Like tends to congregate with like.
Originally Posted by goodbyelove
Oh that is so infuriating... My xabf had said to me a number of times that his drinking was just for fun and why couldn't I just accept it. Ahh so frustrating!!! Or when my mom, after we broke up, said, "you know he may just outgrow it! He's young, young men like to party at that age". Yeah, they weren't there when he was shaking so bad after one day of not drinking he couldn't drive and was vomiting from withdrawl.They just don't get it.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Yup me too.
The idiot who said "his drinking isn't hurting anything but your relationship"...I told him, you know what? I feel a lot like the guy standing on the sidewalk who saw the first few embers before Rome burned, and who was ignored by all the idiots fiddling there."
All I know is, I had to get out of the way before I went up in flames myself!
Not like it matters-even if they did see it, they couldn't do anything anyway. It would help though if some of these jerks would stop enabling him.
The idiot who said "his drinking isn't hurting anything but your relationship"...I told him, you know what? I feel a lot like the guy standing on the sidewalk who saw the first few embers before Rome burned, and who was ignored by all the idiots fiddling there."
All I know is, I had to get out of the way before I went up in flames myself!
Not like it matters-even if they did see it, they couldn't do anything anyway. It would help though if some of these jerks would stop enabling him.
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
O
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
DO NOT BUY IT DO NOT BUY IT DO NOT BUY IT
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
DO NOT BUY IT DO NOT BUY IT DO NOT BUY IT
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 22
Aw thank you, it makes me feel better to read that, you sound so strong and sure of yourself! I wish I had my thoughts in order to say that at the time, I guess each passing day helps me to figure out what's going on more and more..It's so weird, but after we broke up there were a few days I actually thought, hey, we can work on the alcohol thing, it will be okay! He just needs someone to support him! OH I was in such denial. It makes it easier these days that I usually just don't even bother talking about it to most people, even if they bring it up, except everyone on here!! :-)
Originally Posted by GiveLove
One great thing that advanced age has done for me is to remove any filters from my mouth that keep me from saying - to anyone -
"Interesting point of view. But you weren't there when he was shaking so bad after one day of not drinking he couldn't drive and was vomiting from the withdrawal symptoms, or when he was smoking pot in the mornings, or when I had to go to the hospital and he was too busy getting hammered to be there for me. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?"
And yeah, I did have that exact conversation with a parent, and I'm not sorry I let that emotion out. You deserve better, no matter what ignorant well-wishers say.
is to remove any filters from my mouth that keep me from saying - to anyone - "Interesting point of view. But you weren't there when he was shaking so bad after one day of not drinking he couldn't drive and was vomiting from the withdrawal symptoms, or when he was smoking pot in the mornings, or when I had to go to the hospital and he was too busy getting hammered to be there for me. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?"
And yeah, I did have that exact conversation with a parent, and I'm not sorry I let that emotion out. You deserve better, no matter what ignorant well-wishers say.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Ok you are all my new best girl friends, LOL
Goodbyelove, you are "getting it" in 13 posts only, I have posted more than a thousand times and still get caught up in the madness! hope you feel better, you are not a slow learner... unlike "others" (ME)
Can I suggest not going to Facebook at this vulnerable time? not only its the ex, but the common people that can say so many hurtful things.......love status changes, other people sending congratulations, or saying "WHAT A KICK A$$ WEEKEND!!' while you alone made the Kleenex company double their earnings, the torture is endless.. not worth it...
I too was in talking terms after the breakup, until someone told me he had a gf for 2 months then, we had agreed on "taking it slow" and "trying once again" after some time, so all the while I had this idea he had been going at it with someone else. IT would have taken 2 min. to say "look let's not get any more hopes up". But no, some "friend" had to tell me all about the Facebook messages.... I felt so humiliated and betrayed, sheeshhhhh! then watching the happy drunken picture is insult to injury... oh no... not good.
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
UGH!!!
Regarding the new partners the ex may have....... I can think "yeah I also appeared happy in the pics" and no one saw when he was trembling from withdrawal too one morning, and when he was verbally abusing and so many instances I'd better remember to move forward...
Our perspective is unique and we should use what we have seen and heard and lived to support our own decisions. When I go down that road again and feel hurt I remember all the bad times caused by HIS drinking out of control (it helps!) so I can see my solitude and quiet apartment in a new light.
Try not to discuss his problem or your relationship with people that have not known alcoholism. Otherwise they will get you mad and frustrated.. talk to us instead
LOL GL, I wish I had the guts to answer that way! once I said out loud "i am now free of an active alcoholic in denial with agressive tendencies" it felt closer to the truth...
As someone else said hopefully someday they will recover and look back in their old age and realize how they have hurt others.. as another poster said, we will be busy in a beach making love to a real man and all this madness will be part of a past long forgotten.
Goodbyelove, you are "getting it" in 13 posts only, I have posted more than a thousand times and still get caught up in the madness! hope you feel better, you are not a slow learner... unlike "others" (ME)
Can I suggest not going to Facebook at this vulnerable time? not only its the ex, but the common people that can say so many hurtful things.......love status changes, other people sending congratulations, or saying "WHAT A KICK A$$ WEEKEND!!' while you alone made the Kleenex company double their earnings, the torture is endless.. not worth it...
I too was in talking terms after the breakup, until someone told me he had a gf for 2 months then, we had agreed on "taking it slow" and "trying once again" after some time, so all the while I had this idea he had been going at it with someone else. IT would have taken 2 min. to say "look let's not get any more hopes up". But no, some "friend" had to tell me all about the Facebook messages.... I felt so humiliated and betrayed, sheeshhhhh! then watching the happy drunken picture is insult to injury... oh no... not good.
Oh about those comments, yup they also told me he was "just young" blah blah I was and still am SO MADDDDD to be in such a lonely place.. its like you are the only one carrying a secret that you cannot discuss out in the open and no one gets...
UGH!!!
Regarding the new partners the ex may have....... I can think "yeah I also appeared happy in the pics" and no one saw when he was trembling from withdrawal too one morning, and when he was verbally abusing and so many instances I'd better remember to move forward...
Our perspective is unique and we should use what we have seen and heard and lived to support our own decisions. When I go down that road again and feel hurt I remember all the bad times caused by HIS drinking out of control (it helps!) so I can see my solitude and quiet apartment in a new light.
Try not to discuss his problem or your relationship with people that have not known alcoholism. Otherwise they will get you mad and frustrated.. talk to us instead
LOL GL, I wish I had the guts to answer that way! once I said out loud "i am now free of an active alcoholic in denial with agressive tendencies" it felt closer to the truth...
As someone else said hopefully someday they will recover and look back in their old age and realize how they have hurt others.. as another poster said, we will be busy in a beach making love to a real man and all this madness will be part of a past long forgotten.
I love that line about the apartment, I really connected with it. And that last line sounds really great too :-)
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Wow sounds wayy too familiar... The day that I asked him to choose, he just happened to bump into his friend/pot dealer, mid-conversation. And needless to say, his friend isn't any happier than he is, but he managed to encourage him to not put up with me trying to control his decisions, aka: asking him to stop drinking and be sober :-( What's really sad, is that those 'friends' don't realllly care about him, the way he thinks they do, they have in the past not been there for him soooo many times if my exabf didn't have or want to do what they wanted... It's so sad, but he can't see it... I really do care for him, but he is with people that will just feed him full of bull so they can keep their drinking buddy, even if it kills him.
Originally Posted by sandrawg
Yup, yup, heard a lot of the same cr*p.
"He's 25-he'll get it out of his system." ETC.
I did tell his mom about one new year's when he had a drunken temper tantrum and knocked over chairs in an outside restaurant. This was with several cops nearby. I had to talk two of them out of arresting him - TWICE.
Oh, and then theere was the time he smashed my phone in a drunken rage.
Uh huh. Yeah It's just a "phase."
These people are in denial, as well. It's too painful to face or, in the case of my xabf's friends, I think they didn't want to lose their drinking buddy. He's just so happy and fun when he's drunk! Sure, well for some reason they weren't there when the above incidences happened. They're all alcoholics and potheads too anyway. Like tends to congregate with like.
"He's 25-he'll get it out of his system." ETC.
I did tell his mom about one new year's when he had a drunken temper tantrum and knocked over chairs in an outside restaurant. This was with several cops nearby. I had to talk two of them out of arresting him - TWICE.
Oh, and then theere was the time he smashed my phone in a drunken rage.
Uh huh. Yeah It's just a "phase."
These people are in denial, as well. It's too painful to face or, in the case of my xabf's friends, I think they didn't want to lose their drinking buddy. He's just so happy and fun when he's drunk! Sure, well for some reason they weren't there when the above incidences happened. They're all alcoholics and potheads too anyway. Like tends to congregate with like.
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
Yup me too.
The idiot who said "his drinking isn't hurting anything but your relationship"...I told him, you know what? I feel a lot like the guy standing on the sidewalk who saw the first few embers before Rome burned, and who was ignored by all the idiots fiddling there."
All I know is, I had to get out of the way before I went up in flames myself!
Not like it matters-even if they did see it, they couldn't do anything anyway. It would help though if some of these jerks would stop enabling him.
The idiot who said "his drinking isn't hurting anything but your relationship"...I told him, you know what? I feel a lot like the guy standing on the sidewalk who saw the first few embers before Rome burned, and who was ignored by all the idiots fiddling there."
All I know is, I had to get out of the way before I went up in flames myself!
Not like it matters-even if they did see it, they couldn't do anything anyway. It would help though if some of these jerks would stop enabling him.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
DAAANG
It's like I hold a mirror up to you, then you end up holding a mirror up to me...
Wait! Are you sure we're not the same person? Or maybe we dated the SAME guy??? LOL!!!
Seriously, though. Check out what my exabf's said to him. He said I was trying to control him-he also told my ex when I asked my ex to stay sober for a month that i was "taking his pants away and not giving them back."
Can you believe that idiotic BS?
So, who's REALLY trying to control him. Or should I say...what's controlling him?
I don't mince words. I am an outspoken woman and I told my x's friend, if x can't stay sober for one month...something that non-alcoholics can do and are willing to do quite easily...don't you think this means THE DRINKING is controlling him?
hmmm
They are wrapped up in their own addictions to care. "Misery loves company" was probably written with alcoholics/addicts in mind.
It's like I hold a mirror up to you, then you end up holding a mirror up to me...
Wait! Are you sure we're not the same person? Or maybe we dated the SAME guy??? LOL!!!
Seriously, though. Check out what my exabf's said to him. He said I was trying to control him-he also told my ex when I asked my ex to stay sober for a month that i was "taking his pants away and not giving them back."
Can you believe that idiotic BS?
So, who's REALLY trying to control him. Or should I say...what's controlling him?
I don't mince words. I am an outspoken woman and I told my x's friend, if x can't stay sober for one month...something that non-alcoholics can do and are willing to do quite easily...don't you think this means THE DRINKING is controlling him?
hmmm
They are wrapped up in their own addictions to care. "Misery loves company" was probably written with alcoholics/addicts in mind.
Originally Posted by goodbyelove
Wow sounds wayy too familiar... The day that I asked him to choose, he just happened to bump into his friend/pot dealer, mid-conversation. And needless to say, his friend isn't any happier than he is, but he managed to encourage him to not put up with me trying to control his decisions, aka: asking him to stop drinking and be sober :-( What's really sad, is that those 'friends' don't realllly care about him, the way he thinks they do, they have in the past not been there for him soooo many times if my exabf didn't have or want to do what they wanted... It's so sad, but he can't see it... I really do care for him, but he is with people that will just feed him full of bull so they can keep their drinking buddy, even if it kills him.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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That line about keeping company with ppl that do not have the best interests in mind hit home, I too wonder why I was with someone who obviously did not give a damn. We also need to keep the best company from now on.
Its great to feel we are not alone - I think its difficult to be among the first losses of an alcoholic. When someone is losing a job, or has DUIs, hides drinks etc its more obvious there is a problem, but when we are young in the "party scene" its really hard not to go insane thinking you are the one "blowing things out of proportion"... when it "only has been you" and then all the common friends are fed with more lies...
I honestly thought this guy was a social drinker like me. Once ex said I too drank, and I answered that yes I used to drink but even in my darkest drunken hours I would never ever insult him. I was met with a blank stare.
We are better off without them. Better work on ourselves not to end up with other addicted people. As it is I started going out with someone new, its been 3 months now. Nice not to walk on eggshells anymore... sometimes we focus on what we don't have in terms of the good things, but I am sure God/HP has saved us from further hurt, the good will never outweight the bad when it comes to an alcoholic in denial....
Its great to feel we are not alone - I think its difficult to be among the first losses of an alcoholic. When someone is losing a job, or has DUIs, hides drinks etc its more obvious there is a problem, but when we are young in the "party scene" its really hard not to go insane thinking you are the one "blowing things out of proportion"... when it "only has been you" and then all the common friends are fed with more lies...
I honestly thought this guy was a social drinker like me. Once ex said I too drank, and I answered that yes I used to drink but even in my darkest drunken hours I would never ever insult him. I was met with a blank stare.
We are better off without them. Better work on ourselves not to end up with other addicted people. As it is I started going out with someone new, its been 3 months now. Nice not to walk on eggshells anymore...
sometimes we focus on what we don't have in terms of the good things, but I am sure God/HP has saved us from further hurt, the good will never outweight the bad when it comes to an alcoholic in denial....
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 07-23-2009 at 10:59 AM.
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LOL, sad but true, seems a lot of alcoholics, from the world around, all have similar courses of action. It hurts to know how truly alone he is, and at the same time know that he is doing that to himself and may never stop it. So long as he prefers the company of a bottle to that of a person, he will always be alone. :-( It's hard but as I look back and actually think about the experiences we had together, I see that even when he was not drinking my mind was occupied by the knowledge/fear that he would soon drink again; kind of like the calm before the storm. I have seen this pattern before, I know it. But I really have to force myself to think about it otherwise somehow I forget!! It really will be a much better life once I heal, no more walking on eggshells as you say!
And I do remember at the beginning of our relationship, there were quite a few red flags that I ignored, and I knew at the time I should just leave. And I stayed, and I think it was because I didn't feel worth more. But I am! I at least deserve someone that will try as hard as I will, so that it's not always them sinking and me rescuing, so that if I sink they can help me too, instead of just drowning together! It will be nice, and peaceful, and when I meet someone not like that, wow. Good for you meeting someone good! That will be awesome too.
And I do remember at the beginning of our relationship, there were quite a few red flags that I ignored, and I knew at the time I should just leave. And I stayed, and I think it was because I didn't feel worth more. But I am! I at least deserve someone that will try as hard as I will, so that it's not always them sinking and me rescuing, so that if I sink they can help me too, instead of just drowning together! It will be nice, and peaceful, and when I meet someone not like that, wow. Good for you meeting someone good! That will be awesome too.
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Yep.. no contact is a good idea... He's dating.. less than a month after our relationship ended, which lasted almost two years....I feel so disposable. Addictions are terrible, alcoholism is horrible, but I'm the one who ignored all the red flags since day one. Had I just listened to that inner voice which told me that I am more important than whiskey or pot, I wouldn't be in this pain now. Why am I so stubborn :-( This could have been so much easier.
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goodbyelove, i'm so sorry you're going through this! i too am just recently out of a relationship with someone I suspect to be an alcoholic/weed addict. too bad I can't use the excuse "oh he's young, it's just a party phase"...he's 33!!!! and still acting like he's in college.
i'd like to say i've been sticking with the NC rule, but i realize i have addictive tendencies too. i'm addicted to him and our relationship, even though it's over. i find myself checking his facebook compulsively. it's a good thing he's out of the country for work, otherwise i might be obsessively calling/texting. but in the same vein it's almost worse because i don't feel like it's real. he called me up two days before he was going to be out of the country and broke up with me. so i guess the real battle begins when he comes back from being incommunicado. i don't know what's going to happen, if we're going to talk or if i'll even hear from him again. but i'm trying to prepare myself as best as i can. i don't want to get sucked back into his madness again, but i'm not sure i'm strong enough right now to resist.
don't be hard on yourself...i ignored the red flags too. i'm a social drinker and i guess you could say i'm a social smoker too so i guess i thought his behavior was fine, or that i'd adapt to it. but when we moved in together and i saw the extend of his damaging behavior, his addictions, i couldn't deal with it. but he ended up being the one to kick me out and turn everything around on me - i became the selfish, immature person, and everything was my fault. i moved thousands of miles to be with him, and we were planning our lives together. now i'm back at square one. i feel like i've honestly had to start over in my life. now i'm trying to figure out where to live, finding a job, etc. since i left everything behind to be with him.
it's hard trying to stay busy enough to move on. i feel like i'm getting better day by day, i've gone from crying every day to every other day to once a week (i was actually going on a pretty long stretch and listened to a voicemail i had saved from him yesterday and i fell apart...i don't recommend that!). i've signed up for netflix so i'm watching a lot more movies. and writing and reading. trying to work on myself and figure out the h**l did i get into this mess into the first place? that alone could keep me busy for years...
i'd like to say i've been sticking with the NC rule, but i realize i have addictive tendencies too. i'm addicted to him and our relationship, even though it's over. i find myself checking his facebook compulsively. it's a good thing he's out of the country for work, otherwise i might be obsessively calling/texting. but in the same vein it's almost worse because i don't feel like it's real. he called me up two days before he was going to be out of the country and broke up with me. so i guess the real battle begins when he comes back from being incommunicado. i don't know what's going to happen, if we're going to talk or if i'll even hear from him again. but i'm trying to prepare myself as best as i can. i don't want to get sucked back into his madness again, but i'm not sure i'm strong enough right now to resist.
don't be hard on yourself...i ignored the red flags too. i'm a social drinker and i guess you could say i'm a social smoker too so i guess i thought his behavior was fine, or that i'd adapt to it. but when we moved in together and i saw the extend of his damaging behavior, his addictions, i couldn't deal with it. but he ended up being the one to kick me out and turn everything around on me - i became the selfish, immature person, and everything was my fault. i moved thousands of miles to be with him, and we were planning our lives together. now i'm back at square one. i feel like i've honestly had to start over in my life. now i'm trying to figure out where to live, finding a job, etc. since i left everything behind to be with him.
it's hard trying to stay busy enough to move on. i feel like i'm getting better day by day, i've gone from crying every day to every other day to once a week (i was actually going on a pretty long stretch and listened to a voicemail i had saved from him yesterday and i fell apart...i don't recommend that!). i've signed up for netflix so i'm watching a lot more movies. and writing and reading. trying to work on myself and figure out the h**l did i get into this mess into the first place? that alone could keep me busy for years...
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