My fiance just called me from detox/rehab!
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
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My fiance just called me from detox/rehab!
My fiance just called me from detox/rehab!!! I was just getting done posting on my other post that I hadn't talked to him in a couple days...
When he checked in he put down that he didn't want me to be able to call him or visit.... He was pretty drunk at the time and at first I was kind of hurt. But as I drove home (2 hours) I thought it was good so he could just concentrate on himself.
He said he was about to go into another meeting but said that it was going really good and he really wants to stay sober. He is still on some adivan (for the withdrawals I guess) but he said he should be off that tomorrow.
Just to tell him I love him and know that he's alive and doing ok---And is embracing the process. I might sleep tonight.
Kim
When he checked in he put down that he didn't want me to be able to call him or visit.... He was pretty drunk at the time and at first I was kind of hurt. But as I drove home (2 hours) I thought it was good so he could just concentrate on himself.
He said he was about to go into another meeting but said that it was going really good and he really wants to stay sober. He is still on some adivan (for the withdrawals I guess) but he said he should be off that tomorrow.
Just to tell him I love him and know that he's alive and doing ok---And is embracing the process. I might sleep tonight.
Kim
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Turn him over to your Higher Power and focus on your own recovery (from codependency) and your interests that you haven't had time for.
Can you work on a hobby or two while he's away? Or it might be a good time to get back in touch with some friends or family you haven't seen in a while. Might be a great opportunity to take a class on something you always wanted to learn more about. I'm thinking about learning rural Italian cookery at the community college, myself.
Love,
KJ
Can you work on a hobby or two while he's away? Or it might be a good time to get back in touch with some friends or family you haven't seen in a while. Might be a great opportunity to take a class on something you always wanted to learn more about. I'm thinking about learning rural Italian cookery at the community college, myself.
Love,
KJ
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
zeppelin-
when i feel overwhelmed by all of the changes, i just remind myself to take it one day at a time.
he's now working his program. best if you work yours. it's tough for us, as we are not alcoholics and we can't really understand what they go through in their first steps on the road to recovery. in many ways, it's something that we cannot share with them.
so, you've got the house to yourself. anything you've been wanting to do but have put on a back burner? strip the wallpaper off in the hallway? paint the bathroom? clean out the bedroom closets?
i see in your other post that you're beginning alanon and also going to see a therapist. that's great.
enjoy your time alone and make the most of it. if you're like me, you'll notice, now that he's gone, how much his moods/depression/manic highs affected you. be kind and gentle with yourself. after a while, i found myself smiling more, laughing more, not worrying about silly things...in other words, i had some time to return to myself instead of walking on eggshells.
good luck to you both,
naive
when i feel overwhelmed by all of the changes, i just remind myself to take it one day at a time.
he's now working his program. best if you work yours. it's tough for us, as we are not alcoholics and we can't really understand what they go through in their first steps on the road to recovery. in many ways, it's something that we cannot share with them.
so, you've got the house to yourself. anything you've been wanting to do but have put on a back burner? strip the wallpaper off in the hallway? paint the bathroom? clean out the bedroom closets?
i see in your other post that you're beginning alanon and also going to see a therapist. that's great.
enjoy your time alone and make the most of it. if you're like me, you'll notice, now that he's gone, how much his moods/depression/manic highs affected you. be kind and gentle with yourself. after a while, i found myself smiling more, laughing more, not worrying about silly things...in other words, i had some time to return to myself instead of walking on eggshells.
good luck to you both,
naive
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 26
so glad you got a call. My RAH HATED me in the beginning and going into rehab was a bit (big) of a battle. It took him 7-10 days to say, Ok, I get it and I'm going to do it. he went thru the motions a bit in the beginning, but embraced it on his own. i believe that is why he is still sober, 3 1/2 years now.
he told me something the other night. "if i'm going to drink, i'm going to drink and no one can stop me". it actually gave me some relief. he stays sober because he WANTS to. i think they've really got to WANT to in order for it to work. it's sounds like he's taking the steps to WANT to. good luck to you both.
he told me something the other night. "if i'm going to drink, i'm going to drink and no one can stop me". it actually gave me some relief. he stays sober because he WANTS to. i think they've really got to WANT to in order for it to work. it's sounds like he's taking the steps to WANT to. good luck to you both.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
You're exactly right about that FindingBalance: We don't get clean until we really want to. And there is a lot more freedom for everyone who accepts that.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it!
Love,
KJ
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it!
Love,
KJ
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 5
Thanks all! I realized this morning after going back and reading my post and all of the responses that I really do need to just concentrate on myself.... It kind of reaked of co-dependance huh? I appreciate how gently you all addressed me about it.
I am new at this but I am beginning to see what everyone is saying-- if he and i both concentrate on ourselves then we'll both get better and be better together. He can't do it for me and I can't do it for him. I can't hang my emotions on what he does or doesn't do. I love him so I do care what he does and that he is ok-- but that doesn't mean that he and his actions are the basis for everything I feel or do. WHen did that happen? I swear I never thought it was like that until he went in......
There is something kind of liberating about that realization.
I am new at this but I am beginning to see what everyone is saying-- if he and i both concentrate on ourselves then we'll both get better and be better together. He can't do it for me and I can't do it for him. I can't hang my emotions on what he does or doesn't do. I love him so I do care what he does and that he is ok-- but that doesn't mean that he and his actions are the basis for everything I feel or do. WHen did that happen? I swear I never thought it was like that until he went in......
There is something kind of liberating about that realization.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
That's it zeppelin!
There are three basic steps to recovery:
Awareness ( you recently became aware of some codie behavior)
Acknowledgement (acknowledge that you have some work to do to overcome this)
Action (steps to begin recovery from....)
There are three basic steps to recovery:
Awareness ( you recently became aware of some codie behavior)
Acknowledgement (acknowledge that you have some work to do to overcome this)
Action (steps to begin recovery from....)
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