I dropped my fiance off at detox today
 

Finally..... After months of him talking about it, drunken ranting, and all the times he said he was ready.

I had to tell some one. No one that knows us is aware of his alcohol problem (the entire extent of it) or that he's been planning to go to rehab. No one knows that I dropped him off today. I have no one to talk to and I feel very alone....

Our insurance only covers detox and intensive out patient therapy-- I hope and pray that it is enough.

All he has been doing is talking about getting sober, going to detox etc... But after downing 15 beers on the way he started to FREAK and had a really bad attitude and was pretty combative. I just hope that he goes into this with more of an open mind...

I am scared, alone and hopeful---I just love him and want him to get well and be the man I know and love.

Zeppelin, I'm glad you found us here. There's a lot of support for you.

You seem to be devoting all of your energy to his situation, to HIM getting well. Are you getting any kind of support for YOU? Living with alcoholism is extremely stressful and damaging sometimes.......are you giving yourself the same love and tenderness you're giving him?

Hoping so :hug:

It must be a tremendous burden to have to put a cloak of secrecy around his disorder, especially when a) you're not doing anything wrong, and b) you desperately need someone to talk to, to be there for YOU. Do you have family, friends, a counselor, clergy in whom you can confide?

Welcome!

I am so sorry you are going through this trying time. It takes an enormous amount of strength to step back from a loved one and allow them to face their own battle.

I certainly hope you find solace in knowing you are not alone. You will find many here who come in need of support or just looking to vent about the roller coaster that is life with an addict.

Take a deep breath and remember he is being looked after by professionals.

Best wishes.

Alice

zepplin, I'm so glad you are here with us. Please take some time to read the stickes at the top of our forum. While he's in outpatient therapy, please consider giving Al-Anon a try. You don't have to speak at a meeting; you can just sit and listen. The only suggestion given to newbies is to try six meetings to see if it is working for them. If not, then it's fine not to attend meetings. If you find it's not for you, perhaps a good counselor who has experience with addictions and codependency would be of help.

I can only share my own ES&H with you (experience, strength, and hope). I went through three inpatient detox/rehabs with my AH. The first one didn't work, but at the time I just figured it was the stress of knowing he was being shipped out to Iraq.

The second one was the biggest disappointment and greatest hurt of my life. I didn't realize that I had pinned all my hopes on him getting sober. He looked so good for the first time in a long time, he seemed so sincere about working a program. And two weeks after he was out of the program, I came home to find him passed out drunk on the floor.

I am not saying that this will happen to your bf. I truly hope and pray he comes out, works a program, and embraces sobriety.

I am only telling you this to let you know I found out I could not pin my hopes, dreams, and happiness on someone else's sobriety or lack of sobriety. I found both Al-Anon and a good counselor helped me over this hurdle.

Please keep posting. I wish both of you the very best.

Thank you everyone for your support and words of encouragement.... It really is very stressfull and I know that I cannot do this alone. I already feel better just by reading your posts. I don't really have anyone that I feel I can confide in. My best friend's husband is a recovering alcoholic but she hates my fiance and does not think I should be with him. And she doesn't even know about his drinking. This is not something I can tell her right now-- I can't handle the judgement or remarks that I know she will make. She is still extremely judgemental to her own husband.

I know I have to get help too. There is so much that I have never said to him or confronted about his problem. He has no idea to what extent his drinking effected me. I don't want to burden him with more right out of the gate and I know I have to address it for myself at least. I did some research today and found a counselor that is covered by our insurance that specializes in substance abuse etc. I didn't get a chance to call today but have it scheduled for tomorrow.
I also tried to find an Al Anon meeting that i can go to while he is in detox so I can get myself started on the right track... It seems that many of them in my area are in the middle of the day. Luckily I still have a job and I want to keep it so I need to find a night time meeting. I am going to do some more research tonite.

Thank you so much.... I just sighed with a little bit of relief by being not so feeling alone...

found a counselor that is covered by our insurance that specializes in substance abuse etc.

I need to find a night time meeting. I am going to do some more research tonite.
:c011:

Good on you Zep! Excellent plans.
The more you focus on yourself the better it will be for both of you.

I know the shame and the secrecy that is the bread and butter in alcoholic families. I'm glad you're here to see you have nothing to be ashamed of and no one here will judge you. I think collectively people here on SR have seen it all!

peace-
b

Hi zeppelin,

Welcome to the SR family! We're glad you're here. I'm sorry you are going through this alone. I do recommend Al Anon meetings. Maybe call someone from the day time meetings and ask about other meetings. In my area, they don't publish new meeting times until they have been established at least 6 months. Word of mouth is how you find some great meetings.

Read and post as much as you need.

It takes a lot of courage to send someone to treatment....my partner sent me and im forever grateful to her for doing that...I wouldnt be the same otherwise....This is a great place to be....YOU ARE not alone....

There are so many people going through the same thing you are....Maybe your story could help inspire others

My wife dropped me off to detox via psych ward and inpatient 100 daze ago. My insurance was 20/80 copay ouch. But I'm 99 daze sober and alive to tell the tale. My sobriety and sanity is worth it, I'll just figure out a way to repay.

MyCool and Elvis--Thank you SO much.... And everyone else who posted here for me. I cannot express how it helps me to hear from you all.

I realized today that I haven't gone more than a day with out speaking to my fiance in at least 5+ years... And it is going on 3 days now. I confess I am much calmer and I feel like the pressure cooker that I have been living in is slowly releasing. I didn't realize how or what I had been living in.

I found a Al Anon meeting for beginners. It meets tomorrow night. And I also made an appt with a therapist for next week (it was the first available appt). If I don't get help on my own I am going to lose it-- I can just tell. Especially now that I am beginning to realize what I miss about him not being here and what I don't miss at all.

I don't miss the beer cans everywhere. I don't miss not know how drunk he was going to be when I got home or watching him stumble around the house. I don't miss the incomprehensible comments/stories, slurring, the passing out, the dramatics and the pity party. I don't miss worrying EVERY DAY if he was going to get a DUI. I don't miss the broken promises that Today he was going to look for work or clean the house or get some projects done.

I miss my best friend and the love of my life. I miss the smart, vibrant, happy, self confident, get it done man I fell madly in love with. I miss HIM. The way he always has to be touching my hand, and looks right into my soul and means it when he says he loves me.

I am scared out of my mind..... I don't want to lose us, him or myself.

You're on your way to recovering yourself!

The man you describe that you're missing - is he still there? Alcoholism killed the man I fell in love with - when I look at my STBXAH now I barely recognise him. He was lost years ago and I'm only just beginning to realise how lost he is... Hopefully your partner will find recovery for himself - all you can do is let him find his own way while you work on yours! Good luck!