My Kitchen Cabinets
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
My Kitchen Cabinets
Strange title for this type of situation I know. My kitchen cabinets mean the world to me. Let me explain....
When I first decided to leave my XABF, I needed a place to stay. I was NOT going to move back in with my parents. My life has gone something like this. Lived with my parents, got married, moved in with my husband. Got divorced from my husband, moved back in with my parents. Met my XABF, moved in with him. That's it. I'm 27 years old and I have never been on my own. What I was going to do, in leaving my XABF, was a liberating move. I did it because I knew in my heart that I could make it on my own and build a life for myself without the help of anyone else.
So I was very lucky to find the home I am in now. It's a duplex style house that I rent from my son's daycare owner. I've known this woman for 5 years and I trust her. I can't afford to be in an apartment because I couldn't afford all the utility bills. She agreed to let me stay here for minimal money and gave me a discount on my child care bill. AWESOME! She offered this to me 2 weeks before I left my XABF. If it hadn't been for her, I would be back in my parents house or I may have never decided to leave my XABF. It was too good of a deal to pass up and the timing was crazy. It was like God telling me something.
So anyways, the place is really old. Her teenage son's lived over here and pretty much trashed the place. The carpets are ruined and the kitchen cabinets are the orginals from when the house was first built. They are old, dingy and dark. I HATED the kitchen. However I was determined to make this place something I would love. So I decided to repaint the kitchen cabinets white.
In my short 27 years, I have always half assed everything. I half assed high school. I never went to college. I bummed off my parents a lot and borrowed way to much money from them. My cabinets quickly became my metaphore. If I could redo the cabinets to make them beautiful, I could accomplish anything. And so I began.
I am now halfway through them. I took off all the doors, removed all the handles and hinges by myself. painted everything with 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of white paint. They look so beautiful. Not only is it giving me something to pour myself into, it's given me a sense of self. A sense that I can accomplish anything I put my mind too. It helps keep my mind off my XABF. I feel the more I make this place my own, the more motivated I will be to never go back to the situation I was in before. I told myself for so long that I could just "deal" with my XABF's actions. That I could just forget everything he was doing and still be happy with him. When it came to my kitchen cabinets, I refused to settle with what I had. I KNEW they could be beautiful if *I* made them that way. This is how I'm starting to view my life. If I just stop settling, and put some effort into it, my life will be fantastic.
I hope this post wasn't to corny, but I feel very passionate about these silly cabinets. When they are finished, I will always have the reminder of what I can do if I put my mind and heart in it! When I move out, I will take a picture of them with me, so I can always look back to my "light bulb" moment.
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
When I first decided to leave my XABF, I needed a place to stay. I was NOT going to move back in with my parents. My life has gone something like this. Lived with my parents, got married, moved in with my husband. Got divorced from my husband, moved back in with my parents. Met my XABF, moved in with him. That's it. I'm 27 years old and I have never been on my own. What I was going to do, in leaving my XABF, was a liberating move. I did it because I knew in my heart that I could make it on my own and build a life for myself without the help of anyone else.
So I was very lucky to find the home I am in now. It's a duplex style house that I rent from my son's daycare owner. I've known this woman for 5 years and I trust her. I can't afford to be in an apartment because I couldn't afford all the utility bills. She agreed to let me stay here for minimal money and gave me a discount on my child care bill. AWESOME! She offered this to me 2 weeks before I left my XABF. If it hadn't been for her, I would be back in my parents house or I may have never decided to leave my XABF. It was too good of a deal to pass up and the timing was crazy. It was like God telling me something.
So anyways, the place is really old. Her teenage son's lived over here and pretty much trashed the place. The carpets are ruined and the kitchen cabinets are the orginals from when the house was first built. They are old, dingy and dark. I HATED the kitchen. However I was determined to make this place something I would love. So I decided to repaint the kitchen cabinets white.
In my short 27 years, I have always half assed everything. I half assed high school. I never went to college. I bummed off my parents a lot and borrowed way to much money from them. My cabinets quickly became my metaphore. If I could redo the cabinets to make them beautiful, I could accomplish anything. And so I began.
I am now halfway through them. I took off all the doors, removed all the handles and hinges by myself. painted everything with 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of white paint. They look so beautiful. Not only is it giving me something to pour myself into, it's given me a sense of self. A sense that I can accomplish anything I put my mind too. It helps keep my mind off my XABF. I feel the more I make this place my own, the more motivated I will be to never go back to the situation I was in before. I told myself for so long that I could just "deal" with my XABF's actions. That I could just forget everything he was doing and still be happy with him. When it came to my kitchen cabinets, I refused to settle with what I had. I KNEW they could be beautiful if *I* made them that way. This is how I'm starting to view my life. If I just stop settling, and put some effort into it, my life will be fantastic.
I hope this post wasn't to corny, but I feel very passionate about these silly cabinets. When they are finished, I will always have the reminder of what I can do if I put my mind and heart in it! When I move out, I will take a picture of them with me, so I can always look back to my "light bulb" moment.
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,854
((((LUCID!!)))) No, it's not corny at all! I think it's fantastic that you have poured yourself into fixing up your place. It's your home, and you should have it the way you want it. Make it your own little sanctuary where you can just be and breathe. Congratulations!! You go girl!!! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
What a fantastic post, lucid!!! Wow!
For me, it was my porch. I moved out of the house that I'd bought myself, because HE wouldn't move. (The plan was to just get the heck out until I could figure out how to get rid of him)
Moved into an old victorian house that had been carved into a fourplex. And the best part of it? A big stone covered front porch, about 10 feet by 12. I loved it, so I bought a porch swing for it. And a windsock that looked like a phoenix. And herbs and bright red geraniums that I put into colorful pots from the thrift store. And I would sit there on Sunday mornings, swaying back and forth, reading my paper, and waving to all the people who walked by and smiled at me.
I couldn't believe it: I was free. And these passing people just...smiled. And stopped to say hello. And brought me cuttings from their own pots. For a card-carrying codependent who was used to there always being a price on kindness, it was really amazing.
Blessings to you and to your kitchen cabinets.....unlikely symbol of healing though they might seem, they sound like just what you needed.
For me, it was my porch. I moved out of the house that I'd bought myself, because HE wouldn't move. (The plan was to just get the heck out until I could figure out how to get rid of him)
Moved into an old victorian house that had been carved into a fourplex. And the best part of it? A big stone covered front porch, about 10 feet by 12. I loved it, so I bought a porch swing for it. And a windsock that looked like a phoenix. And herbs and bright red geraniums that I put into colorful pots from the thrift store. And I would sit there on Sunday mornings, swaying back and forth, reading my paper, and waving to all the people who walked by and smiled at me.
I couldn't believe it: I was free. And these passing people just...smiled. And stopped to say hello. And brought me cuttings from their own pots. For a card-carrying codependent who was used to there always being a price on kindness, it was really amazing.
Blessings to you and to your kitchen cabinets.....unlikely symbol of healing though they might seem, they sound like just what you needed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
lucid-
enjoyed your story very much. a friend of mine said once, that if we are going to do anything, we should do it to the best of our ability. i always remember this and it slows me down and i take the time to do it right (as in taking off the cabinet handles rather than just paint around them).
half-a$$ed is no way to go through life, as you've discovered.
thanks for sharing your story,
naive
enjoyed your story very much. a friend of mine said once, that if we are going to do anything, we should do it to the best of our ability. i always remember this and it slows me down and i take the time to do it right (as in taking off the cabinet handles rather than just paint around them).
half-a$$ed is no way to go through life, as you've discovered.
thanks for sharing your story,
naive
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington State
Posts: 75
However I was determined to make this place something I would love. So I decided to repaint the kitchen cabinets white.
You'll live in a beautiful place because you decide to make it beautiful. Woohooo!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Who would have thought that kitchen cabinets would be the catalyst to a whole life's philosophy change?
As I hear often in recovery, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." - seems the cabinets loomed in your vision as your teacher.
I think I'd hire a starving artist to paint a picture of them, have it framed, and take it with me and display in home to home, the rest of my life...
What a wonderful lesson! Thanks so much for sharing this narrative of your epiphany!
CLMI
As I hear often in recovery, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." - seems the cabinets loomed in your vision as your teacher.
I think I'd hire a starving artist to paint a picture of them, have it framed, and take it with me and display in home to home, the rest of my life...
What a wonderful lesson! Thanks so much for sharing this narrative of your epiphany!
CLMI
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Sorry it took me so long to thank you all for your replies. Even though I'm not posting daily, I'm looking and reading daily. I've just been busy with these cabinets and I have a funky schedule at work.
But THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm glad you all got some encouragment from this post. It was an emotional one for me and I have printed it to keep it forever.
CatLover, I am an artist myself. I think that's a great suggestion. I think I will go buy a canvas and as soon as they are finished, I will make a painting of them.
But THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm glad you all got some encouragment from this post. It was an emotional one for me and I have printed it to keep it forever.
CatLover, I am an artist myself. I think that's a great suggestion. I think I will go buy a canvas and as soon as they are finished, I will make a painting of them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
