There will be the awful things he has done between them but also, even if he stays sober, the issues that drove him to alcohol might still be there if he doesn't get therapy or work the program.

I've seen people post up here that they expected things to radically change once the A was in recovery, but I don't think that's how it goes. Progress, not perfection-expectations...it's important to have realistic expectations.

I know you feel bad but why do you feel bad for something HE did? I don't know your parents, but do you honestly when you look at the situation objectively, do you really think they blame YOU? I'd bet that they do not.

Deleting my post.

I think you did the right thing by telling your parents. I think that if you know ANYONE, parents or not, who welcomes someone else into their home on a regular basis, and that someone steals from them, you have a moral duty to inform that person of what is going on, so that they have the opportunity to protect themselves from further harm. It doesn't matter whether or not he actually sold any of the jewelry or whether or not he is telling the truth about his intent to give any of it back.

I do need to spend more time on myself. I read another Codependent book, but not Codependent No More. I also read Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.

Can I ask a sincere question? Focusing on myself....means detaching or divorce/separation? Aren't I past the stage of detaching? During the day the kids and I go places and hang out and have fun to the farm, swimming, ect. Even at night we go to my parents when he is home or go shopping. But it is a "nagging" feeling in my head where I look around and see that things aren't better. AH isn't working at it.

I just feel like detaching is ignoring it and isn't this too bad to ignore?

Only you can decide that...no one else can.

And you can decide it by answering this question: Am I content to live like this for the rest of my life?

Detaching is not just ignoring him and/or his behavior. Detachment is a skill that you learn to use in your own life, in dealing with people alcoholic or not. For me, learning detachment was learning how to detach my feelings from the situation, without blaming, hatred, etc.

Only you can decide if it's too bad to just continue to ignore it. You have to examine your own needs and your own values. I've never married (for this very reason) so I have never had to make so serious a decision. My mother has been married to my alcoholic father for 40 years. She has been through it all (although I don't think he ever cheated on her and if he did, she never found out). She has chosen to live her life the way she wants to live it. She has her own set of friends, she stays busy night and day, she stays gone from the house from morning till night. He does not participate in her life but they still live in the same house. They are more like roommates it seems than anything else. Sometimes he does things that hurts her feelings and/or irritates the bejesus out of her. None of it is good healthwise because now she has heart disease (from stress and his smoking) and diabetes. Not to mention that every time she sees an older couple holding hands, she gets very sad. I know she would like to have a loving relationship with a partner, where they do things together that people their age do, especially at her age now (70).

It sounds like you are living your life as you care to live it (GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!) and doing your best to ignore what he is doing. Ask yourself, if he never changes is that OK with you? My mom has stayed with my dad for many reasons, but the most important reason, she says, is because she made a commitment to him when she married him and she will not go back on her commitments. She always tells me that no matter what you have to follow your heart. So, don't beat yourself up too much about this decision. When you know, you just know. Examine your own self and you will find the answer.