FindingBalance

I want to introduce myself. I am the wife of a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for nearly 3 1/2 years. He hit bottom and ended up in rehab in Feb 06. He has not relapsed. I put my foot down and told him that it was drinking or the family. We have 2 children, 5 1/2 and 1 1/2. He has stayed sober but has been having a LOT of struggles lately. He spent time in AA and then away for a while, and is now back in it.

That's the nutshell. I have a lot to write, I think. But, now is not the time. I just wanted to say HI before I start putting my 2 cents in here and there. I am struggling with his struggles and hope that this can help me find balance.

Thank you.

MycoolFitz

Welcome. I look forward to getting to know you aqnd learn from you through your posts.

The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there
- Yasutani Roshi

Bernadette

Hi Finding Balance!
Welcome!
Keep posting...
peace,
b

TakingCharge999

Welcome!! I like your nickname and avatar
You are among friends.

GiveLove

Hi, FindingBalance! I love your name too. And I'm glad you found us. There's a lot of support and friendship here for the taking.

FindingBalance

Thanks. I feel so a mess right now. Things seem to be very hard on him which makes it hard on me. He's struggling so hard right now. Some days I just feel like quitting but I can't, won't. We have been thru a lot and we'll get thru this. I just feel so selfish wishing it would just go away.

GiveLove

Hi FB,

Are you able to share with us what's changed, why he's having such a hard time at this particular time? Does he have other stresses that are making things come to a head?
I understand if now's not the time to talk about this, but sometimes it can help to know what's bringing bad things on.

NicTKD

Welcome to the forum. I am in a similar situation. AW with two children, one of 2 years and one of 5 months. I'm sure we will have had similar battles!!

Keep in touch.

FindingBalance

There's a lot of stress but he's also taking anti-depressants. He saw the doc today and they've switched up the dosage so hopefully that will help. I have been out of work for a year now. Up until recently, he's been working 60-70 hour weeks. He's always supported and even pushed for me to stay home since we have a little one. But, he's ready, as am I, for me to get a job. I'm trying, but it's not easy. I also know that he's not happy with his job. I've made the decision to pursue another degree in the evenings and I think that might be bothering him. Only in the way that he doesn't really know what he wants to do. He did not have the same opportunities as I did. He works at a Uni and I keep telling him that he should take a class, anything. He would love it. He's very smart, just never had the opportunity to go to school. I don't know. I know he feels very bad. We had a recent lying "episode" by him and that put a strain on us. I don't know.

TakingCharge999

FB I was on anti depressants for a while... it affected my mood greatly, mostly I just wanted to sleep... so just to remind you he may not be his usual self while on antidepressants or as he switches meds/dosages.... they take some weeks to "kick in"... I was nowhere like my real self at that time.

Good for you for pursuing another degree! what is it going to be if you don't mind me asking?

luciddreamrgrl

Welcome FindingBalance!

I look forward to you posting lots. Keep coming back. These people have been helping me greatly and I've only been here 3 weeks.

FindingBalance

The anti-depressants are necessary for him. He was always very angry. Anger and depression are his "issues". He went to the doc yesterday and explained how he was feeling and she said that it sounded like a chemical imbalance in his brain and so they've adjusted his medication. Unfortunately, it will take a few weeks to "kick-in" so we just have to deal with his moods until then. He tells me that he is either very angry or incredibly heart broken feeling. He has been apologizing to me a lot, telling me how great I am for "putting up with all of this". I suppose I am one of the "lucky" ones because he has stayed sober and, really, has every intention of doing so. I let him, taking our daughter with me, once, and he knows full well that I will do it again and have zero intentions in staying in an alcoholic relationship, no matter how painful it may be for me to leave.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

You will find a lot of support, wisdom and experience here. I recommend the sticky posts at the top of the Friends and Family page. You will see lots of stories of people in similar situations.

It sounds like your RAH (recovering alcoholic husband) is working on himself. That's a good thing. He is not in denial about his anger and depression. Only he can find solutions to his anger and depression. It's great that he has your support.

How about you? Did you try individual counseling or Al Anon for face to face support? You'll find lots of day-to-day support here as this is an active forum.

Pull up a chair and make yourself at home!

FindingBalance

I tried Al Anon way back but it wasn't for me. I couldn't relate because, for us, everything happened so quickly. It was years and years of dealing. For a long time, we drank together. There was no real recognition of a problem until it was REALLY a problem. Looking back, yeah, I see things. So, when I went to Al Anon, it was people who were still dealing with, and/or had been dealing with, A's for a long time. I do feel like I need counseling, but honestly, there is not enough time in the day.

To be quite honest. Today is a bad day for me. I don't know if it has anything to do with the "situation" or just my normal craziness. Sometimes, I just don't feel like dealing with his stuff. Sorry, but I don't. I feel like it's always about him and what he's going thru. Again,I am lucky, he is dealing and he is trying and he is sober. But, you know, I'd love to have a glass of wine.

Whatever. Whatever.

Pelican

Sometimes, I just don't feel like dealing with his stuff. Sorry, but I don't. I feel like it's always about him and what he's going thru.


Grant me the serenity to accept things I can not change (people, places, things)
Courage to change the things I can (me, myself and I)
and Wisdom to know the difference.


That is the goal of the Al Anon meetings I have attended. I have attended 3 different groups in the past 5 months. I go to meetings when and where available as I need.

Al Anon meetings are there to support the friends and family of alcoholics, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. My A is not drinking anymore. I still need to work on me. I need the support of this group and my home group to make progress in my life. Maybe you have reached a point in your life where you would like to work on yourself where you are now. Your view of Al Anon may be different when you visit this time. It's cost efficient (free) and sometimes available during lunch breaks.