Advice about getting my personal belongings back
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Advice about getting my personal belongings back
Hello everyone!
When I left my XABF, I moved out of our place into a new place. I was the one moving all of my things. I happened to leave a black bag, which I did not know existed, at his place. This black bag is my son's. It contains about 10 Nintendo DS games and his Ipod. Basically, a lot of money worth of electronics.
At first, he was ok about the bag. He had left it in his car and promised he would bring it to my place and drop it off while I was not there. This has slowly but surely turned ugly. After a week or so, he texted me and told me he could not find his playstation 2 wireless controllers. I did not take these. I have looked everywhere for them and I simply did not take them. So I have told him that I would go to Gamestop and buy 2 used controllers to give him in exchange for the bag. This is not something I want to do, but I really need that bag back. So over the last 3 weeks, he has promised to put the bag on the porch of his place so that I could pick it up. Each times, the bag has not been there.
I am beginning to get very frustrated at this situation. If it were something of mine, I feel I could take it as a loss. But those are my son's games. He is basically stealing from a 5 year old child.
Have any of you been through this? Or do you have any advice on how I can get these things back? Should I just let it go?
When I left my XABF, I moved out of our place into a new place. I was the one moving all of my things. I happened to leave a black bag, which I did not know existed, at his place. This black bag is my son's. It contains about 10 Nintendo DS games and his Ipod. Basically, a lot of money worth of electronics.
At first, he was ok about the bag. He had left it in his car and promised he would bring it to my place and drop it off while I was not there. This has slowly but surely turned ugly. After a week or so, he texted me and told me he could not find his playstation 2 wireless controllers. I did not take these. I have looked everywhere for them and I simply did not take them. So I have told him that I would go to Gamestop and buy 2 used controllers to give him in exchange for the bag. This is not something I want to do, but I really need that bag back. So over the last 3 weeks, he has promised to put the bag on the porch of his place so that I could pick it up. Each times, the bag has not been there.
I am beginning to get very frustrated at this situation. If it were something of mine, I feel I could take it as a loss. But those are my son's games. He is basically stealing from a 5 year old child.
Have any of you been through this? Or do you have any advice on how I can get these things back? Should I just let it go?
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 29
It's just stuff. It'll only cause a fight to claim it and pull u back into the mess. Just let it Go trust me. I lost a few grand on stuff mainly expensive tools when I left my xagf (ex alcoholic girfriend I hope that's what means). I left after she got drunk hit me threw things took the car off me at a party and left me in 10 degree cold at 2am in the mode of nowhere. I'd gladly lose all that stuff again situation was that bad
Ya it cost $$ but the grief isn't worth the couple hundred it might be worth.
The longer u are without contact the better things will get. Each time u SMS call or see each other the clock starts over and u get pulled in.
Ya it cost $$ but the grief isn't worth the couple hundred it might be worth.
The longer u are without contact the better things will get. Each time u SMS call or see each other the clock starts over and u get pulled in.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
My STBXAH refused to sign a check for over a thousand bucks (reimbursement for money I had spent bugt his name was on it) because he thought I stole his Father's Day card from his mom. He said when I produced the card he would sign the check.
One call from my attorney to his got a signature. Do you have any attorney friends who would be willing to write a letter to let him know that the value of the items he is holding, should you choose to press charges, could go on his record?
One call from my attorney to his got a signature. Do you have any attorney friends who would be willing to write a letter to let him know that the value of the items he is holding, should you choose to press charges, could go on his record?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Bleh-how hard up for money are you? If you're pretty financially stable and can afford to replace these things, I would just let them go.
I had some things of my xabf, and fortunately his mother agreed to let me just drop them off with her so I didn't have to see him. If he had had any of my stuff, I would've just let it go.
I had some things of my xabf, and fortunately his mother agreed to let me just drop them off with her so I didn't have to see him. If he had had any of my stuff, I would've just let it go.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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You've gotten some great options here, luciddreamgirl....I hope one or more of them produces the results you want. It's such a shame...but you and your son will get through this, no matter what you decide. It's just "stuff," albeit stuff that cost money. It can be replaced and you'll be able to better maintain your serenity. Let it be a reminder of WHY you are no longer in this relationship!! 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
THank you everyone for responding!
Just an update. I went over there today and the back was on the porch. Of course not everything was in it. It only contained 4 DS games and his Ipod. But at least it wasn't a total loss. I am taking all of your advice and just leaving it alone. No more texts about the "black bag". No more arguing. No more harsh words. Only moving forward with my life! I have way to much to offer someone to keep living in the past like this. It was our last link, and now it is broken.
Welcome to my new life
Just an update. I went over there today and the back was on the porch. Of course not everything was in it. It only contained 4 DS games and his Ipod. But at least it wasn't a total loss. I am taking all of your advice and just leaving it alone. No more texts about the "black bag". No more arguing. No more harsh words. Only moving forward with my life! I have way to much to offer someone to keep living in the past like this. It was our last link, and now it is broken.
Welcome to my new life
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Thatta girl!!
Originally Posted by luciddreamrgrl 
THank you everyone for responding!
Just an update. I went over there today and the back was on the porch. Of course not everything was in it. It only contained 4 DS games and his Ipod. But at least it wasn't a total loss. I am taking all of your advice and just leaving it alone. No more texts about the "black bag". No more arguing. No more harsh words. Only moving forward with my life! I have way to much to offer someone to keep living in the past like this. It was our last link, and now it is broken.
Welcome to my new life
Just an update. I went over there today and the back was on the porch. Of course not everything was in it. It only contained 4 DS games and his Ipod. But at least it wasn't a total loss. I am taking all of your advice and just leaving it alone. No more texts about the "black bag". No more arguing. No more harsh words. Only moving forward with my life! I have way to much to offer someone to keep living in the past like this. It was our last link, and now it is broken.
Welcome to my new life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Perhaps you can ask your son which were the other games and replace them, or buy new ones? At least Santa Claus has a lot of ideas now.
I am happy for the iPod getting back to the original owner!!
I am happy for the iPod getting back to the original owner!!A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Ahhh how cute, luciddreamgrl, I am so glad that boy will grow in a healthy environment full of love and affection!! you are a very corageous woman. Give the little one a hug for me! What a great story.. it brightened up my day!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Thank you takingcharge! You made me smile, and cry a bit lol. I did this all for my child. He was born special, and I would like it to continue that way. The number 1 thing in my XABF's life was his alcohol. I need a man who's number 1 thing will be my child and I. My son always had to fight for his attention and affection. But not any more!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Great, great luciddreamgrl, you are going towards the right direction and headed fast!!
I have no kids but think now in terms of xabf and say, my future kids do not deserve an alcoholic father, they deserve people that are present... my kids are not going to learn to beg for crumbs and think affection is scarce and they got to fight for it. Thanks to this decision my future kids WON'T know addiction from their parents.
They will have great self esteem, and with me that repetitive pattern will be broken.
Good for you, it takes a lot of guts to leave an alcoholic but it even if it hurts its for the best... as an alcoholic in recovery told me "time will prove you took the best decision" I am glad you found this forum!!
Hugs!!
I have no kids but think now in terms of xabf and say, my future kids do not deserve an alcoholic father, they deserve people that are present... my kids are not going to learn to beg for crumbs and think affection is scarce and they got to fight for it. Thanks to this decision my future kids WON'T know addiction from their parents.
They will have great self esteem, and with me that repetitive pattern will be broken.
Good for you, it takes a lot of guts to leave an alcoholic but it even if it hurts its for the best... as an alcoholic in recovery told me "time will prove you took the best decision" I am glad you found this forum!!
Hugs!!
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