Advice needed Please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2
Advice needed Please
Hi I am new here, though I have been lurking for quite awhile. Any way, I have been reading alot and people talk about kicking there AH out. Well I wish I could but mine won't leave. Says its his house and me and the kids can go. Even though I make the house payment and most of the other bills. See, I work 2 jobs so we don't lose our house (almost foreclosed on a few months ago) and he works part time. So he couldn't afford it anyway.
I can't afford a lawyer and legal aid won't help unless we are not in the same house. Oh and we are in chapter 13 so they take the mortgage payment out of my check, I wouldn't have the money to move because the checks from my main job is all for the payment. I have no family that can help. I am just so frustrated. I don't think my kids should lose their home because I married an overgrown teenager. Actually my teenagers are more responsible than him.
So, what would you do?
Thank you for reading Any advice is appreciated.Advice
I can't afford a lawyer and legal aid won't help unless we are not in the same house. Oh and we are in chapter 13 so they take the mortgage payment out of my check, I wouldn't have the money to move because the checks from my main job is all for the payment. I have no family that can help. I am just so frustrated. I don't think my kids should lose their home because I married an overgrown teenager. Actually my teenagers are more responsible than him.
So, what would you do?
Thank you for reading Any advice is appreciated.Advice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi raineyskies-
welcome.
it would be helpful if you gave us a bit more information, so we can help you make a plan. for example, what country do you reside in? the usa or the uk? how much of your house you've paid off, etc., is he violent?
that's not very fatherly of him to say that you and the kids can leave, is it? it sounds as if he is only thinking of himself.
naive
welcome.
it would be helpful if you gave us a bit more information, so we can help you make a plan. for example, what country do you reside in? the usa or the uk? how much of your house you've paid off, etc., is he violent?
that's not very fatherly of him to say that you and the kids can leave, is it? it sounds as if he is only thinking of himself.
naive
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Is the house only in your name or is it in his too? I'm wondering if you couldn't talk to someone about having part of the payment taken from his check too. If the house is in both your names, both of you have to pay the mortgage (even if you're not living there).
Call around for an attorney. I didn't have the money for an attorney with my divorce either. I thought it'd NEVER get filed. Then someone recommended one to me and I went and talked to her and told her the situation. She went ahead and did the divorce, the only money upfront I had to give her were the court and filing fees. I paid her a little here and there for her fees. And she did an excellent job with my divorce. I couldn't have asked for better.
Consider a domestic violence place too. They are not just about the shelter for you to go to. They offer so much more--including counseling, mediation and legal advice (at least mine does here). I've taken advantage of a few of the programs they offer but never went into the shelter itself. You may have something similar wherever you are.
Call around for an attorney. I didn't have the money for an attorney with my divorce either. I thought it'd NEVER get filed. Then someone recommended one to me and I went and talked to her and told her the situation. She went ahead and did the divorce, the only money upfront I had to give her were the court and filing fees. I paid her a little here and there for her fees. And she did an excellent job with my divorce. I couldn't have asked for better.
Consider a domestic violence place too. They are not just about the shelter for you to go to. They offer so much more--including counseling, mediation and legal advice (at least mine does here). I've taken advantage of a few of the programs they offer but never went into the shelter itself. You may have something similar wherever you are.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Hi. I read your post, and can say I was in the same spot 2 years ago. AH wasn't working, our finances were in shambles, we were behind in our mortgage payments, and he wouldn't leave.
He had been abusive, both verbally and physically - in the past. I knew what the future would bring, and it was either jump or go down with the ship!
I had no money for an attorney. None. Everything I earned went to keeping our heads above water. I did have some secret emergency money hidden - in case I needed to make a run for the door. Not much, but it was mine.
Initially, I filed for a domestic abuse restraining order - which got him out of the marital home. It was warranted, as there was past incidences. Then I filed for divorce "prosee" - on my own. Filled out my own papers to serve him the suit, and the sheriff served him. 30 days later, we had our first court hearing - which establishes boundaries and "who pays for what." While this time when by, I sought out the options for an attorney. Many will take payments. It gave me time to save up for the services I needed. We ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches, and really scrimped to save.
You can do this. I did.
My only advice is: get yourself a darn good attorney. They are worth their weight in gold in the end.
Gather all the documentation you possibly can to show the history of what you've struggled to do, and what he has not done. Much of that is considered "wasting marital assets" and can really stack up against him.
Lastly, Best of Luck to you! Coming out the other side, I can say: It is very liberating!
He had been abusive, both verbally and physically - in the past. I knew what the future would bring, and it was either jump or go down with the ship!
I had no money for an attorney. None. Everything I earned went to keeping our heads above water. I did have some secret emergency money hidden - in case I needed to make a run for the door. Not much, but it was mine.
Initially, I filed for a domestic abuse restraining order - which got him out of the marital home. It was warranted, as there was past incidences. Then I filed for divorce "prosee" - on my own. Filled out my own papers to serve him the suit, and the sheriff served him. 30 days later, we had our first court hearing - which establishes boundaries and "who pays for what." While this time when by, I sought out the options for an attorney. Many will take payments. It gave me time to save up for the services I needed. We ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches, and really scrimped to save.
You can do this. I did.
My only advice is: get yourself a darn good attorney. They are worth their weight in gold in the end.
Gather all the documentation you possibly can to show the history of what you've struggled to do, and what he has not done. Much of that is considered "wasting marital assets" and can really stack up against him.
Lastly, Best of Luck to you! Coming out the other side, I can say: It is very liberating!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I had pretty much the same issues, my ex swore up and down that he would never leave (lots of quacking, ranting and raving, threats), well guess what he is gone and we are divorced. I filed for divorce (I had an attorney friend who helped me do the paperwork fortunately) and for a restraining order and for custody of our son.
I was not granted a emergency order (because he had not gotten physical, yet) but I had 21 days to ask for a hearing to plead my case. I told the ex he had 21 days to show me a signed lease or get out or I would ask for a hearing (I promised him that I would be as "creative" as I needed to be to get him out). He did leave but dragged it out to 5 weeks. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.
There are do it yourself divorce kits available, if you file he has to leave eventually. Most states have no fault divorce now, you can throw him out and divorce him whether he wants it or not.
I was not granted a emergency order (because he had not gotten physical, yet) but I had 21 days to ask for a hearing to plead my case. I told the ex he had 21 days to show me a signed lease or get out or I would ask for a hearing (I promised him that I would be as "creative" as I needed to be to get him out). He did leave but dragged it out to 5 weeks. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.
There are do it yourself divorce kits available, if you file he has to leave eventually. Most states have no fault divorce now, you can throw him out and divorce him whether he wants it or not.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
I found a person who would do the divorce paperwork for me for only $175 bucks. He was even nice enough to include all of the instructions on how to go to the court house, where to file, what I needed etc.
The legal system, while intimadating, was VERY helpful to me. I had already had a restraining order in place, which bolstered my case. Because of that restraining order the judge ordered a guardian ad litem to set up visitation. It really was alot easier then I thought it would be.
I told them the facts. He was abusive, using drugs, and had a prior history of abuse. Those must be magic words to the GAL because she made my ex jump through hoops in order to have visitation. Well I knew that he wouldnt jump through the hoops because he really didnt want visitation he just wanted to make me suffer and pay more.
It ended up working out to me and my daughters benefit and I have been divorced for 2 years and have NEVER had to deal with the ex.
I would look into a restraining order first. In my state you can get a harassment restraining order and have the person removed from the home. Its alot of leg work but trust me it will be so worth it once he is gone.
Maybe even call legal aid and see if they have any ideas on how to get him out of the house.
The legal system, while intimadating, was VERY helpful to me. I had already had a restraining order in place, which bolstered my case. Because of that restraining order the judge ordered a guardian ad litem to set up visitation. It really was alot easier then I thought it would be.
I told them the facts. He was abusive, using drugs, and had a prior history of abuse. Those must be magic words to the GAL because she made my ex jump through hoops in order to have visitation. Well I knew that he wouldnt jump through the hoops because he really didnt want visitation he just wanted to make me suffer and pay more.
It ended up working out to me and my daughters benefit and I have been divorced for 2 years and have NEVER had to deal with the ex.
I would look into a restraining order first. In my state you can get a harassment restraining order and have the person removed from the home. Its alot of leg work but trust me it will be so worth it once he is gone.
Maybe even call legal aid and see if they have any ideas on how to get him out of the house.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2
Sorry that I couldn't get back on to reply, but I had to let my internet go at home and can't get on much. I really appreciate all the great advice. I live in Michigan. I have stayed at womens shelters in the past when my children were younger. I'm not sure if I could get help from them now. He doesn't get violent with me anymore because he knows he will go to jail again. He used to get very mean. He more will break things and when I called the police for that they did nothing but say I should leave for a few hours so that he could cool down.
I did ask the bankruptcy lawyer about taking some from his check but he said that it needs to from only one persons and since mine is more thats where the trustee wants it from.The house is in both our names or I would already be gone.
I guess I need to call some more lawyers (they all seem to want a retainer) and maybe try the womens shelter. It just seems sometimes that I have to work so much and then deal with everything at home that I can't seem to find the time but I just cant live like this, anymore. Even though he isn't violent now he is drunk 24/7 and I am tired of supporting a grown man who should be helping support our family.
Thanks, its nice to have someone to talk to and know i am not the only one.
I did ask the bankruptcy lawyer about taking some from his check but he said that it needs to from only one persons and since mine is more thats where the trustee wants it from.The house is in both our names or I would already be gone.
I guess I need to call some more lawyers (they all seem to want a retainer) and maybe try the womens shelter. It just seems sometimes that I have to work so much and then deal with everything at home that I can't seem to find the time but I just cant live like this, anymore. Even though he isn't violent now he is drunk 24/7 and I am tired of supporting a grown man who should be helping support our family.
Thanks, its nice to have someone to talk to and know i am not the only one.
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