Taking the Blame for this ONE!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 347
Taking the Blame for this ONE!
Well, I really enjoy karaoke....and so my husband and I went tonight. I only drink Diet Coke, and thought he could control it like he said, but it wasn't long before he was doing shots again...I feel horrible. I wanted to go to sing....maybe karaoke is something I have to giv'e up! I really feel bad, like I set him up for failure...like I led him there...
Tomorrow is a new day, I guess I will have to think about these things in order to help him succeed.
I am diappointed in myself.
Tomorrow is a new day, I guess I will have to think about these things in order to help him succeed.
I am diappointed in myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Don't do that to yourself. It was still his decision to drink. Does this mean you can't go out to a restaurant that serves beer? Almost ALL places serve alcohol now. Even some movie theaters! Stop blaming yourself and start blaming him! Did he even feel bad for drinking? If he didn't, then either should you!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
mentallyexh
you cannot control this. you do not have to give up karaoke or anything you want. perhaps you can go there with friends instead of him? so you do not feel bad about others drinking. and you may enjoy a drink yourself if you wish.
you are not him. its his recovery, not yours. (well, your recovery is about different things!)
its understandable to support him but that does not mean you are "punished" too or your life is ruined or you have to give up anything you like. although i support "being there" and not drinking right infront of him, etc, you also have every right to spend a good time...
you did not cause his drinking
you cannot control it
you will never ever be able to cure him
you cannot control this. you do not have to give up karaoke or anything you want. perhaps you can go there with friends instead of him? so you do not feel bad about others drinking. and you may enjoy a drink yourself if you wish.
you are not him. its his recovery, not yours. (well, your recovery is about different things!)
its understandable to support him but that does not mean you are "punished" too or your life is ruined or you have to give up anything you like. although i support "being there" and not drinking right infront of him, etc, you also have every right to spend a good time...
you did not cause his drinking
you cannot control it
you will never ever be able to cure him
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Were you singing, or were you pouring shots down his throat? Is he an adult? And isn't this the same guy who is trying to prove to you that he isn't an alcoholic? Don't you think someone who isn't an alcoholic can go out for karaoke without doing shots? I fail to see how doing something you enjoy turns into 'your fault' for 'making' him drink.
L
L
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 43
He is responsible for his own choices. Don't be so hard on yourself ... you made a considerate and thoughtful decision to show him you can go out and have fun without alcohol ... too bad he didn't realize he could do the same thing.
Most of us discover that having a social life with our alcoholic partners becomes a form of torture ... filled with disappointments and unhappy memories due irresponsible drinking. I remember far too many embarrassing incidents and friends that were lost due to these episodes. My AH and I eventually only went to places that did not serve alcohol. So many of us eventually just give up ... and end up staying home rather than endure the misery a night out could bring.
Socializing with your friends may be your only option at this time.
Most of us discover that having a social life with our alcoholic partners becomes a form of torture ... filled with disappointments and unhappy memories due irresponsible drinking. I remember far too many embarrassing incidents and friends that were lost due to these episodes. My AH and I eventually only went to places that did not serve alcohol. So many of us eventually just give up ... and end up staying home rather than endure the misery a night out could bring.
Socializing with your friends may be your only option at this time.
jimbo
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
i think this problem goes on in every relationship where someone is trying to stop drinking
i have said to my gf ,its horrible for me to go into the pubs where all our friends are slaughtered ,hanging all over me ,trying to get me to drink and even getting me large jack Daniels and putting it in my hand ,my partner then proceeds to get shidfaced and slobber all over me tasting of jack Daniels nice...not
i said for her to out and get drunk with her friends if that is what she wants to do .i'm trying to save my life as i want to see my 13 year old daughter grow up and if that is not ok for her ,then maybe she needs to meet someone else who has a good liver coz mine has had it
at least you have the decency to stay sober
and another thing karaoke sober ..... are you possessed
i have said to my gf ,its horrible for me to go into the pubs where all our friends are slaughtered ,hanging all over me ,trying to get me to drink and even getting me large jack Daniels and putting it in my hand ,my partner then proceeds to get shidfaced and slobber all over me tasting of jack Daniels nice...not
i said for her to out and get drunk with her friends if that is what she wants to do .i'm trying to save my life as i want to see my 13 year old daughter grow up and if that is not ok for her ,then maybe she needs to meet someone else who has a good liver coz mine has had it
at least you have the decency to stay sober
and another thing karaoke sober ..... are you possessed
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
ugh, jack daniels is such a huge trigger for me, exabf would show off he drank two bottles by himself. yet i am here wondering if he really has a problem sheeeeeeeeeesh.
yup, another thing going down the drain, social outings where you would normally go and have some or watch others drink without ending being abused or having a huge fight because they wont give you the car's keys...
if something makes you suffer don't do it, if you are anxious with him in these situations.. go with diff people.. and if you want to spend time with him and friends well you can go to a park, movies etc etc
avoiding situations you normally enjoy will only make you resentful, and its not fair to you.
you need to choose what makes you feel good. otherwise you will keep suffering unnecesarily.. believe me-ah-
yup, another thing going down the drain, social outings where you would normally go and have some or watch others drink without ending being abused or having a huge fight because they wont give you the car's keys...
if something makes you suffer don't do it, if you are anxious with him in these situations.. go with diff people.. and if you want to spend time with him and friends well you can go to a park, movies etc etc
avoiding situations you normally enjoy will only make you resentful, and its not fair to you.
you need to choose what makes you feel good. otherwise you will keep suffering unnecesarily.. believe me-ah-
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 07-02-2009 at 10:01 AM.
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