Disgusted with myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1
Disgusted with myself.
Hi I'm a first time poster but have been reading posts for months.I met my AB 2 yrs ago and knew he liked a drink but not having lived with alcoholism before was totally green to it.anyway ill cut out the middle as ive seen it all posted here time and again.i am in a dilhemma.My AB ,after asking him to leave 2 -3months ago sought help. we managed to get him into a fantastic 3 month with ongoing after care programme and he has been going to pre admission meetings for 4 weeks.last week he didnt go and put it down to a 'wobble'. i was suspicious but carried on being supportive.then last night tells me hes giving that up as he cant see it being for him and wishes to control his drinking himself as he doesnt wish to give up entirely but wants to cut down and just be a social drinker. LOL yea right ive seen that too many times before.He got angry with me for not being supportive of his 'innovative'idea but i've had it tbh,the moods ,the unprovoked tantrums and the omg constant sorry BS.Sorry goes over my head and means nothing anymore.I'm tired finacially drained and if i even ask for a household contribution get accused of being miserable.Am I being unsupportive? i feel torn and angry right now.As I said i've cut outthe middle bit as you all know what they do.I'm a smart independant woman who spent 20yrs in an emotianally abusive marriage and selfishly want more! sorry for the rant but thanks to anyone that reads it.Ihatehimtoday ,his breath,the empty bottles i've had to AGAIN clear up and ughh just everything!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Welcome, doodlebug.
I'm glad you found us and am glad you've gotten a lot out of reading the posts.
You shouldn't be disgusted with yourself. You really wanted to believe things might get better....it looked like they might. Now you know they won't.
So leave off the disgust, which is unfair to you. BUT you should decide whether this is how you want to live from here on out.
"No" is a perfectly acceptable answer, and it's an answer that may unlock a much, much happier life for you. I chose "No" a few years ago, and although it was very, very hard at the time for a few weeks, it was the key to a life that I look forward to waking up for every day. Sometimes we just have to say, "I deserve more than this shoddy excuse for a relationship, and I'm going to go out and get it now."
Good luck with everything!
I'm glad you found us and am glad you've gotten a lot out of reading the posts.
You shouldn't be disgusted with yourself. You really wanted to believe things might get better....it looked like they might. Now you know they won't.
So leave off the disgust, which is unfair to you. BUT you should decide whether this is how you want to live from here on out.
"No" is a perfectly acceptable answer, and it's an answer that may unlock a much, much happier life for you. I chose "No" a few years ago, and although it was very, very hard at the time for a few weeks, it was the key to a life that I look forward to waking up for every day. Sometimes we just have to say, "I deserve more than this shoddy excuse for a relationship, and I'm going to go out and get it now."
Good luck with everything!
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
The thread title lured me in. I suspected that the OP would have no justification to be "disgusted with herself" and I was correct.
You're dating this guy, trying to make it work and it didn't. So, time to move on I would say. But he's not going to be easy to shake because you are now supporting him, right? Pretty much?
You're not his girlfriend. You're his hostage.
I would... and this is just my opinion... kick him to the curb. And if he won't leave, I'd wait till he's gone one day... and just leave. Take everything that's yours and leave his junk, his booze, and his booze breath, and the ring around the tub and just start anew.
And ummm... find a normie! But that's just a suggestion!
You're dating this guy, trying to make it work and it didn't. So, time to move on I would say. But he's not going to be easy to shake because you are now supporting him, right? Pretty much?
You're not his girlfriend. You're his hostage.
I would... and this is just my opinion... kick him to the curb. And if he won't leave, I'd wait till he's gone one day... and just leave. Take everything that's yours and leave his junk, his booze, and his booze breath, and the ring around the tub and just start anew.
And ummm... find a normie! But that's just a suggestion!
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NH
Posts: 31
I don't think it is the least bit selfish to "want more" as you say. You spent a lot of years in a miserable marriage and you deserve happiness and someone who fulfills you, not someone you have to manage, or rescue or worry about constantly. I am not one to talk since I am doing all those things in my marriage right now, but I admire your strength to even be considering doing what's best for you. There's nothing to be disgusted with yourself about and you deserve to look out for you and you alone.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
((You're not his girlfriend. You're his hostage.))
You have done nothing disgusting, so cut that from your mind. You have done all that you can for him and he has tossed it back at you, so he can keep on being the lush he wants to be, and expects you to SUPPORT his behavior. THAT is what is disgusting.
I agree he will not go, or let go of you peacefully as he needs you to keep him in the "comfort" he wants to stay in.
It is up to you to decide what you want and go for it.
Will have you in my prayers.
You have done nothing disgusting, so cut that from your mind. You have done all that you can for him and he has tossed it back at you, so he can keep on being the lush he wants to be, and expects you to SUPPORT his behavior. THAT is what is disgusting.
I agree he will not go, or let go of you peacefully as he needs you to keep him in the "comfort" he wants to stay in.
It is up to you to decide what you want and go for it.
Will have you in my prayers.
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