Feeling Sick to My Stomach

Old 06-29-2009, 12:20 PM
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Feeling Sick to My Stomach

Hello,

Most here know my story. The exabf married the OW 2 weeks ago.

I just received an email and found out that an usher at his wedding was my ex boyfriend from before him. I was with this other guy from the time I was 22 - 28. I feel like I am going to puke. Why did he ask my ex to be in his wedding???????????????????????????????? He hated my ex.......

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Old 06-29-2009, 12:28 PM
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Curled up in a good book...
 
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How do you know this? Why do you care? Why are you still finding things out about him? Let him go - you'll drive yourself insane. As blessed4x said in another thread - living well is the best revenge....
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:04 PM
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It is sounding alot like misery loving company. One crummy ex seeking out another crummy ex.

He was probably hoping you'd find a way to be there to see it or at least find out about it making you want to puke.

Please let it all go and don't give him the satisfaction of getting what he wants.
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:17 PM
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Thanks for the resoponses.

I found out because it was in the paper yesterday and someone emailed me who saw it and said something about it. She was shocked and couldn't believe it. I thought absolutely no way did that happen. I checked the paper's website and saw it was true.
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:20 PM
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why does it bother you just move on when my ex got married i jumped for joy ,the sad sucker soon realised his mistake
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:24 PM
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The best thing I ever did was STOP talking to any remote 'contact' of ex and stop checking their Facebook or anything. I created a new Facebook and I do not walk on eggshells there afraid of finding a comment or picture!! Its 6 people... all of them GREAT people that have NOTHING to do with ex.

I just stopped listening to any band, singer or MUSIC GENRE that remotely reminded me of him.

I know one thing - he is drinking. That says it all really, its refreshing to know if they are happy, if they are sad, if they miss you, if they do not give a damn, IT DOESNT MATTER AT ALL !!!

It seems to me you have not gone No Contact, 100% that means common "friends" too

It does not have to be permanent, just while you heal. I used to get "tidbits" of info, or comments out of nowhere because these guys could not remember I did not want to hear his name, well its not worth the effort, their "half friendship" is not worth my pain.

There are other great people out there, please remember to protect yourself during this time stop feeding other people's needs for drama and gossip.

They can find it elsewhere (Michael Jackson?) meanwhile keep training the bunny, doing the volunteer work, and answering these questions:

who is MissFixIt?
what does she like?
what has she learned?
what's in store for her?
how does a "recharged" MissFixit version looks like?
what steps can she take to become that MissFixIt?
what are her dreams?


Your exs' whereabouts matter only to entomologists (title of one that researches, studies, teaches or works with insects).

"Who cares" is my motto for today and is working quite well, mind you
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:35 PM
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Tis' better to just wipe them off the slate of your life. They are the past, and you have a future!!!!!!!!!
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:37 PM
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i don't know, miss fixit. why did he have the wedding in your hometown with your ex-boyfriend? really, it's beyond logic and acceptable, respectful behavior at this point isn't it?

so, he was drunk at his wedding with your ex-boyfriend .... really, i feel for the bride myself. i wouldn't want my husband to be to be drunk when he took his vows, would you?

i'm sorry he keeps stomping in your garden in his new life. if he cared about your feelings at all, would he do this? i think not.

don't take the bait, miss fixit. you get on with your own life and thank god you're not that bride.

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Old 06-29-2009, 05:16 PM
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Thank you.

I think back to why I was with him and how much he told me for years that he loved me. I think too about waiting for him and this is the behavior that remians.

If I had it to do over, I would have gotten out earlier or never gotten involved with and active A.
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:31 PM
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Amen.

But you did. And now it's done (thank god).

And so maybe -- maybe -- it's time to tell ALL of your friends that you do NOT want to hear one more story, one more bit of gossip, one more little tidbit they read in the paper, one more rumor. For any reason.

First, naturally, YOU have to decide that you are done with it. It doesn't look like you are yet. You still want to hear it, for whatever reason (and we've all been there, myself included, so we understand ) You will not yet stop someone in mid-sentence when they say, "I read that he..." and say, "STOP. I really don't want to hear one more word about him."

These things you allow into your life may be juicy with emotion, but they do not help you move forward. They drag you backward into being "sick to your stomach" again. They suck energy from your efforts to build a beautiful adult life. They chip away at your available time alive, here on the shore of the sixty-odd more years you'll be walking around on this planet creating joy, miss.

Are you finished yet? "No" is a perfectly honest and acceptable answer -- we all heal at our own pace, and no one has the right to rush you along. But at least KNOW that you're saying it, with every day you allow someone to do this to you. You're saying, "No, please continue to hurt me, so-called friend" and "No, it's okay, his choices are still allowed to ruin my day," and "No, I'm content to stay in this supermarket tabloid mindspace for now, thank you."

I only say these things because a) we love you here, and b) I hate to see how much power you still give him. You throw your day-to-day happiness on the ground beneath that awful meat sack's feet so he can grind it into the dust, over and over.

What a party we'll all have here on the day when you say, "Oh my god, I can't believe I gave a damn about the stupid things he did. What a jack*** he is."

And we will dance. Oh yeah.

Last edited by GiveLove; 06-29-2009 at 06:51 PM.
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