TakingCharge999

I agree with MeHandle.. the bottomline being for him its YOU YOU YOU YOU... you the problem... you the answer.... its all about YOU... and throwing the topic of *weight* is just insult to injury

:wtf2

I hope you do what is best for you

Tally

Just thought I'd let you know I went to my slimming class this evening and have lost 8lbs I was quite chuffed, didn't think I would lose that much. 1st 9.5lbs in 4 weeks now so it's just give me a boost to the ol' confidense, hehe.

I've pretty much made up my mind, not let him know yet though. Keep putting it off. I don't want to hurt him but I know I will.

LaTeeDa

I must agree with Freya's insightful post about societal pressures. And just to add to that, what about the idea that it's better to be with someone than without? Look all over this board and you will see unhappy, frustrated, abused people clinging to someone who literally makes them miserable. Why? Because we are taught that having 'someone' is better than having no one. Pfffffffft.

Is life so abundant and unlimited that we can continue to waste day after day, year after year, waiting for that 'someone' to change? And who am I to say what another person should do or be? If I could have one wish it would be to have the 20+ years I spent waiting for my husband to change added to the end of my life.

Unlike popular myths and fairy tales, real relationships rarely last a lifetime. If your needs aren't being met, it's okay to move on. It doesn't have to be about blame and fault. Sometimes things don't work out the way you planned. You can continue to cling to the plan, or you can take what life gives you and re-evaluate the plan. M. Scott Peck says something like "most of us go through life using a map that hasn't been updated since we were in our teens."

If I had remained unwilling to let go of what I had, I never would have been given what I have now.

L

MeHandle

Okay, AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I just wrote a post and lost it!!!!!!!!! That was a lot of time lost!!!!!!

Well Missus , sum up, with out all the perspective ( AHHHHHHHH, and the other issue covered.....)

You have been beyond generously patient. You actually have broken and neglected your healthy and more then fair boundary for your "us" situation. You have brought it before the community as an accountability. In our different world views and perspectives, where we would agree and disagree, our consensous of agreement on the primary issue stands out.

Therefore , as a community member I am calling you to task on your boundary. Whatever you choose to do in handling it is your business , but you husband has forced your hand to make a decision for "you". What are you now doing to "do"?

jaguarpcb

My husband and I will be married 10 years this October, together and exclusive 12 years in November. We're having the best sex of our lives lately. I won't go into details, but there's something about knowing someone intimately for this long that can make sex really phenomenal. We're living that cheesy romantic cliche where it gets better every year. That's not to say we don't have our down times, we certainly do. But for him to say that sex isn't important to a romantic relationship, when it clearly is to you, is just.....well, I don't know, I can't come up with any words.

There are plenty of couples out there who've been together much longer than the two of you who place sex high on their list of important things and make time for it. However it looks like the two of you don't have the same view on sex in a long term relationship. In my experience that's not an easy gap to bridge.

Tally

Well I finally spoke with him last night, he kinda opened up a bit and eventually said

We left it at that last night and when I woke up I had an email from him saying

amongst other thing.

He also stressed that they weren't just empty words and that he really meant it this time and I would know if he wasn't doing anything about it and that it would be the end of us if he didn't.

My initial reaction was happiness that he was finally willing to admit that he needs help but then panic at the thought of having to deal with all that. Is that selfish of me?

I do love him but I don't want to live with him anymore and deal with all his problems. I want to deal with mine and think about myself for a while. I think I'm going to suggest that he stay with his parents and work on himself and I do the same at home and we can still speak and be friends and see how it goes. He's not a bad man, he's just very messed up but I'm having pangs of guilt because I know he will hate the thought of not coming home and it could push him over the edge. If he really means he wants to get it sorted he'll do it with or without me, right?

ItsmeAlice

That's great that he is seeing a problem and wants to address it.

I hope there was an apology somewhere in that email about the emotional whack he gave you before. Maybe it was piled under "amongst other things."

I am very much in agreement with you working on yourself and letting him work on himself. His words could be, yet again, a manipulation to get back in and will only revert back to blaming you for the problems he really doesn't want to address.

So. Keeping you distance and improving yourself as you had already intended will leave him to either fly or fall. It's his choice and his actions going forward will tell you if he really meant what he said.


How's the motivation coming along after the weekend?? Ready to work out or what? I had a great day off from my diet, endulged in my favorit treat (hmmm cake), and I'm ready to go this week. Looking to shave off another pound or two this week. Keep on rolling, right?

40 pounds down and still counting!

Alice