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Not sure when enough is enough

Old 06-27-2009, 04:36 PM
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Not sure when enough is enough

I am asking for any wisdom, thoughts, answers, etc. that any of you can share with me. My AH of over 40 yrs. has suddenly gone into binge drinking these last 5 weeks. He does nothing but drink straight vodka and sleep. He lands in front of the TV for an hour or 2 throught the whole day and the rest of the time is sleeping. He doesn't get sick but has fallen down at least 3 times and I'm just too weak anymore to help him up. I beg him to stop and he just says he can't. It's too hard. He was in his second round of detox in 2 yrs. just about 3 mos. ago but that lasted about a week and then back to his "hiding drinking". I've alway known but these last few weeks really have me stumped. We live in a very rural area and every day he drives about 8 miles to get his daily supply since I refuse. I so worry for others but no longer want to be the enabler (too many years of that). He goes about 4 days of NOTHING to eat and then has some soup. Said today he was stopping and then ran to store for another fifth a few hrs. later saying he can't stand the shakes. I think my kids think I've put up with his junk way too long and need to get my life back. Financially that's hard. He won't leave and we have 3 dogs and a cat that he is currently unable to feed, etc.
What a waste--I so need some answers. Thanks for listening.
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Old 06-27-2009, 05:11 PM
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i am so sorry...i try really hard every day not to take my husband's sobriety for granted...everyday he is sober is another day i am grateful...i am so sorry you are in this position...there were many nights i considered calling the police myself just to get my husband off of the road, but the repercussions were too high (i'd end up having to pay for the dwi lawyer, take him to work, not to mention the fighting that would erupt, etc.) but there were several times i'd call one of his friends and they'd happen to "run into him" at the bar and drive him home...it was very hard for me to realize that i was only enabling his habit...and it took me a long time to realize that all the help i was trying to offer was only enabling...and also as bad as it may sound i used to volunteer to make his drinks for him, or get his beer...only i'd water it down so he wasn't drinking as much as he thought he was...(also enabling, but it made for calmer nights for me)...in trying to help my husband cope with his addiction and trying to help myself cope with his addiction i truly lost myself...my mother's words began echoing in my head, "this too shall pass...to thine own self be true." and without that echoing in my head i don't think i would have survived these past 11 years...that phrase has helped me get through so many hard times--now it is tattooed around my wrist so that no matter how blinded i may be with tribulations the words that got me through so much are staring back at me, reminding me that there is always hope...for everyone...
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Old 06-27-2009, 05:21 PM
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I think when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving, then you will know when enough is enough.

Its hard living like that.
You really need something to look forward to in a good way. Why not hop on over to an alanon meeting? It will help you deal with everything.
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Old 06-27-2009, 05:38 PM
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Well, if he keeps up at that pace, my guess is he won't be with us too much longer.

My now XAH had nearly gotten to that point. His life narrowed so. He refused to stop. There were times I'd find him passed out on the bed, clutching his bottle. And at times, I even toyed with the idea of just pouring the remainder down his throat and being done with it. When you get to that point (both the user and the witness) it's time to act. I opted to divorce him. It was that or drown him.
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:13 PM
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Welcome! You have found a great place for support. Many here have gone through what you are going through!!

That is a tough call. We all go in our own time. Many of us wished we had left sooner. But we know we left right on time. Some never leave.


For me I had to decide what I wanted. What was best for me and the kids. And it was hard.....REALLY hard. I wanted to go back so many times....but I KNEW that nothing had changed. And Nothing changes if Nothing changes

So I had to be the change...I learned here that:

I didn't cause it
I can't control it
and I can't cure it

So if you are thinking about leaving and your kids support you, Why not go stay with them for a bit? Take your pets with you? Sometimes we can see things more clearly when we step out of the situation for a while


Keep posting!
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:39 PM
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I am a recovering end stage AH who has been where your husband is right now. The best place for me was the hospital. Although I wanted to quit, I couldn't...I was to afaid of dying. My prayers are with you and your husband.
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:37 AM
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Do you work? Can you take the animals with you to your kids?
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Old 06-28-2009, 07:40 AM
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enough is enough

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, concerns, and advice. I know this has to be my decision and I'm still on the fence but getting better in my decision making, etc. I think I have friends and family that will help with the pets. I am going to go visit my son in TN so that will get me far away from here for over a week. I guess I'll see what he has done to himself when I'm back. Last time I left for that long went on such a binge that EMT's and police were called to the house cuz he thought he was dying. Nope--just drunk.
Anyway, I'll try to keep everyone updated on my progress. Again--thanks!!
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Old 12-17-2009, 12:21 PM
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Ready to leave - now what

I realize I wrote back in June that I was thinking of leaving my husband of 40 yrs. due to his drinking and then watched him quit for a short while and restart. He recently was in the hospital due to heart problems but they had to sober him up first and that only lasted a week or so. He quit during the week of Thanksgiving cuz I threatened him about leaving and I always host that day so he was good until about a week ago and has been hiding it again and lying when I question him. I told him that after numerous warnings, it was time for me to move out for awhile. I can't get my head around being on my own--this is my house and I love it. But I know he won't leave and I just can't keep watching him do this. He's been falling more and since he's on coumadin due to atrial fib, he bruises and bleeds likes there's no tomorrow. Then I feel I should be here to help him. I'm tired of it. How do those of you that have left manage on your own? I really just want to try a separation and see if he'll get REAL help this time. He is so dependent on me to do everything (banking, bills, setting out his meds, etc.) that I'm worrying what will happen to him with me gone. Should I keep coming back every couple weeks to check on him and the house or make a clean break? I want to leve all my stuff here to see if we can make it work again but I know I'll need things in my new place (whatever that may be). Any help, advice, comments, etc. are greatly appreciated.
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