johnboy1978

I will be visiting my wife for the first time tomorrow since she checked herself into rehab 2 weeks ago. She has asked me what I thought about bringing our 2.5 year old son with me to see her. I'm torn, as I think it could be good, could be bad. He misses her, but seems to finally be okay with her not being around, and I'm concerned that when he realizes she isn't coming home, he may have a complete meltdown; on the otherhand, he could realize that she is still around and loves him, and it could be really good. Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing, and how did it go? I'm leaning toward leaving him home with my mother, but want to know if anyone else has some good info here. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

John

isurvived

From my own experience (my husband's first stay in rehab was when my oldest son was 3)... I took him to see his dad, and wish I hadn't. Re-separating wasn't a big deal, as at that age "mom" was the most needed parent - as in "emotionally needed" by kids that age. But he was a distraction to the visit, and took the focus off my AH and his rehab. So, thinking that, maybe this "first visit" you should leave him at home with grandma.

A lot depends upon how attached your son is to his mama too. IF they are super close, and she was an attentive mama, maybe "re-separation" would be hard on your little guy. Just a thought.

johnboy1978

Those were actually the two things on my mind... Thomas has not been apart from my wife for more than 2 nights (anniversary weekend) ever before this, and is incredibly close to her. When she is not on a binge, and is on her medication, she is a terrific mother; when not, she is still there and he adores her even with her messed up interactions (it is so annoying hearing them whine at each other). Grandma and him are very close as well, so it's a non-issue as to if he spends time with her instead of going with me. The other issue is that there is a lot for us to talk about; me being focused on me, her on herself. I am very apprehensive due to both of the issues, but not really trusting my emotions right now so appreciate your words of wisdom.

TakingCharge999

Hi johnboy!

I have not been through a similar experience... but for what its worth, I agree with Trying2survive.

I recall when I was 3 my dad left and I saw him once every couple of years, at that age you are too little to understand why they are not with you. It just does not make sense to hear they love you and then not seeing them again.

Perhaps its better to have him stay with grandma this time so you can focus.
Just my two cents.

Hugs!

naive

dunno johnboy...that's a tough call...pray for guidance and follow your gut...naive