A little confused so thought I'd post in here too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 1
A little confused so thought I'd post in here too!
Hi everyone, i'm new to this site...
I was recommended from another site that I am using to help with my depression.
Basically I am 18 and have been diagnosed with depression earlier this year and had to come out of uni as a result. I think there are many things that triggered it and it was barely noticed because I think it was so gradual.
However one of the main reasons I think is that I am still coming to terms with my alcoholic father who my mum divorced when I was 11. And he is still drinking.
I'm here really to look for some support and understanding, as I really have no idea now how I feel about him. I feel like my dad was lost when I was 11 because he's not my dad anymore. I haven't seen him in almost a year and I've realized that I can't just ignore him forever and bury my head in the sand because apart from needing to get on with my life, thats exactly what my dad does. And i hate being compared to him.
Hope that gives some idea of my situation, look forward to talking to people and supporting whereever I can :]
See you around x.
I was recommended from another site that I am using to help with my depression.
Basically I am 18 and have been diagnosed with depression earlier this year and had to come out of uni as a result. I think there are many things that triggered it and it was barely noticed because I think it was so gradual.
However one of the main reasons I think is that I am still coming to terms with my alcoholic father who my mum divorced when I was 11. And he is still drinking.
I'm here really to look for some support and understanding, as I really have no idea now how I feel about him. I feel like my dad was lost when I was 11 because he's not my dad anymore. I haven't seen him in almost a year and I've realized that I can't just ignore him forever and bury my head in the sand because apart from needing to get on with my life, thats exactly what my dad does. And i hate being compared to him.
Hope that gives some idea of my situation, look forward to talking to people and supporting whereever I can :]
See you around x.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hi Pocahontas-
welcome to F&F!!
Have you read or researched much about children of alcoholics?
I think depression is fairly common.
My dad was an alcoholic until I was 15 and then he started the long road to recovery. But I have had residual sh*t to deal with all my life. There is a pretty warped dynamic in alcoholic families and I had a lot to unlearn. Unfortunately I also have 3 alcoholic brothers in varying stages of sickness and health...
Some of the things I struggled with:
being afraid of telling the truth
denial
rage
sadness
codependence and control issues
acceptance
AlAnon really helped me turn my head around when I got into my twenties....and several rounds of one-on-one therapy have helped me too...
With discipline I have overcome many of my worst behaviors and stinking thinking...I still struggle with acceptance!!
Stick around! Glad you're here!
peace,
b
welcome to F&F!!
Have you read or researched much about children of alcoholics?
I think depression is fairly common.
My dad was an alcoholic until I was 15 and then he started the long road to recovery. But I have had residual sh*t to deal with all my life. There is a pretty warped dynamic in alcoholic families and I had a lot to unlearn. Unfortunately I also have 3 alcoholic brothers in varying stages of sickness and health...
Some of the things I struggled with:
being afraid of telling the truth
denial
rage
sadness
codependence and control issues
acceptance
AlAnon really helped me turn my head around when I got into my twenties....and several rounds of one-on-one therapy have helped me too...
With discipline I have overcome many of my worst behaviors and stinking thinking...I still struggle with acceptance!!
Stick around! Glad you're here!
peace,
b
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR. 
Learning more about the disease of alcoholism helped me to understand how I've been affected; as well as to learn how I can grow and change things about myself. I don't have to let the past determine the quality of my life today.
Al-Anon meetings help me to stay focused on myself regardless of the alcoholic/addict or any other person, place or thing. I've also benefitted from counseling. These days, I find what I need here on SR and in Al-Anon meetings where I hear from others who understand and have faced the same issues.
I hope you will take a peek at the sticky threads at the top of each forum page. They contain resources including booklists, articles, specially selected threads & posts where members have shared and more.
Learning more about the disease of alcoholism helped me to understand how I've been affected; as well as to learn how I can grow and change things about myself. I don't have to let the past determine the quality of my life today.
Al-Anon meetings help me to stay focused on myself regardless of the alcoholic/addict or any other person, place or thing. I've also benefitted from counseling. These days, I find what I need here on SR and in Al-Anon meetings where I hear from others who understand and have faced the same issues.
I hope you will take a peek at the sticky threads at the top of each forum page. They contain resources including booklists, articles, specially selected threads & posts where members have shared and more.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Hi! and Welcome!!
I agree with PP's educating myself and going to al anon helped me A LOT
You might try to build a bridge, rather than a wall, when dealing with your dad. I know it is hard to do. I struggle with it myself. But I find building a bridge allows me to go over and back as needed.
Keep posting!!
I agree with PP's educating myself and going to al anon helped me A LOT
I haven't seen him in almost a year and I've realized that I can't just ignore him forever and bury my head in the sand because apart from needing to get on with my life, thats exactly what my dad does. And i hate being compared to him.
Keep posting!!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Welcome!
We have a number of adult children of alcoholics on this board who will hopefully be along to share their wisdom and experience with you.
There are three C's which helped me: I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it - I'm just not that powerful. I can only change me, not someone else.
I have a slightly similar situation with my father. He wasn't an alcoholic but a narcissistic control freak who cheated on my mum and left when I was 15. I too was diagnosed with depression when I first went to uni. Unlike you, I refused to contact him or have anything to do with him for almost 10 years. I was drowning in bitterness and resentment. I have since started to speak to him but he hasn't changed much - I'm 39 years old and he speaks to me as if I was 12... Anyway, what has helped me keep some sort of communication with him was learning about boundaries and detachment. Have a look at the stickies on these at the top of the forum (I think they're under Classic Reading). I think you are so wise to realise that ignoring him is just one way of storing up trouble for the future. Its what happened with me after all!
Good luck and let us know how you get on!
We have a number of adult children of alcoholics on this board who will hopefully be along to share their wisdom and experience with you.
There are three C's which helped me: I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it - I'm just not that powerful. I can only change me, not someone else.
I have a slightly similar situation with my father. He wasn't an alcoholic but a narcissistic control freak who cheated on my mum and left when I was 15. I too was diagnosed with depression when I first went to uni. Unlike you, I refused to contact him or have anything to do with him for almost 10 years. I was drowning in bitterness and resentment. I have since started to speak to him but he hasn't changed much - I'm 39 years old and he speaks to me as if I was 12... Anyway, what has helped me keep some sort of communication with him was learning about boundaries and detachment. Have a look at the stickies on these at the top of the forum (I think they're under Classic Reading). I think you are so wise to realise that ignoring him is just one way of storing up trouble for the future. Its what happened with me after all!
Good luck and let us know how you get on!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
