Fighting against complacency?
 

Had a quick question. Things have been going well for the past two weeks or so, and a lot of it is directly related to how hard I've been working on me. Even though I hate to admit it, a part of it is also due to the fact that my wife is choosing one day at a time to be sober, which means she's also choosing to remain in a relationship with me. Anyways, this is usually the time when I think that I've got it all solved and that I can just go back to doing nothing. I'm pushing on for now even though there's a part of me that doesn't want to. Can I get some ESH on how people keep at it even when it feels like you don't need to?

Thanks!

Benham, I'm glad things are still going forward in a healthy way.

That part of you that doesn't want to push on......what is it suggesting you do instead?
I tend to listen to ALL the voices inside me, give them all an audience, and let them say their piece. What does it say?

As for keeping at it......working on myself had to become a lifelong commitment in order to get past the dry patches. The alternative is just to play it by the seat of my pants and react to crises....when the crises hurt too much, and scarred me too much, then I had to make a plan for daily maintenance. Suffering has a way of shaking us out of our complacency, doesn't it?

I have, at various times in my situations: Seen a counselor to work on ME, not THEM. Worked with a coach to align my life and make it more happy. Attended al-anon meetings. Written regularly in a journal. Learned to meditate, so I never forgot how I was feeling (so hard, though!). And so on.

When I finally felt what happiness was supposed to feel like, then I wasn't complacent any more. I would defend this feeling with my life now -- it is the opposite of complacent.

So....to answer your question: You DON'T need to. You could just react-and-suffer instead. But I'll tell you first hand, this way is much easier :)

What kind of ongoing program do you have to help keep yourself sane, healthy, and focused on YOUR future (regardless of what choices she makes)?

GL thank you for that excellent post.

benham: I can just offer ((hugs))

And send you a link

The Internet's friendly reminder that life is slipping away... second by second. Like the hourglass of the Net, the Death Clock will remind you just how short life is. http://www.deathclock.com/

Yes, definitely don't want to react and suffer anymore. Been there and done that. Surprisingly, no T-shirt though.

Right now, I'm doing a flip-flop schedule. Al-Anon one week and a couples' counseling program through her IOP the next. I have a semi-sponsor right now which could become a full timer. We are meeting for coffee today actually. I am doing a ton of reading and journaling online. Right now my topics for journaling are the questions from Paths to Recovery. It makes me sit and think about myself and what I've done.

Since I've posted the initial topic, the amount of complacency has dropped a good amount. I want continued sanity and I see that I have to put in work to make it so.

Thanks for the death clock, it says I only have 49 years to go!

Hi benham!! Good for you, as long as you have your objective clear in your mind.. there will be detours, bad days, etc but you will be on the right path... many (like me) are on the same road :)

I looked for "free death clock" and now run the application at my job. I put it in Pessimistic so I got until year 2022. Sorry for the somber link, but the countdown clock really makes you realize...that NO.. you WON'T be around forever..and you need to make ever day count.

Hugs!!

I had to realize that ME feeling good had more to do with ME doing the work, not just how sober RAH was that day -
that means I have to keep doing the work FOR ME -
like a diabetic - they have to ALWAYS pay attention, not just when their levels are off - always

Blue