Roles family members of alcoholics play-resource needed
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Roles family members of alcoholics play-resource needed
My counselor today said it would be great for me to get comfortable talking with the kids about their roles in the family. We discovered that I am still uneasy openly talking about their dad's alcoholism, and she suggested that when it becomes more "fact" and less emotion, that kids often accept and even get interested in learning how the family system worked (in the past) to keep the disease going.
She thought it would go a long way in helping the kids deal with the divorce as well, because it will show them how I am guiding us to a healthier family dynamic. Honestly, I got a little excited about the prospects of "reshaping" our family......maybe even having an impact on generations to come.
She gave me a couple suggestions, Alateen literature being one of them. This is where I need help from you smarty-pants. Do any of you know of specific, age appropriate info on dysfunctional family dynamics?
My kiddos are 17, 13, 6, and 5.
Thanks a bunch!!
She thought it would go a long way in helping the kids deal with the divorce as well, because it will show them how I am guiding us to a healthier family dynamic. Honestly, I got a little excited about the prospects of "reshaping" our family......maybe even having an impact on generations to come.
She gave me a couple suggestions, Alateen literature being one of them. This is where I need help from you smarty-pants. Do any of you know of specific, age appropriate info on dysfunctional family dynamics?
My kiddos are 17, 13, 6, and 5.
Thanks a bunch!!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Blessed, were you looking for an age-specific version of something like this?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html
Hmmmmmm...lemme think about that....any of you parents have anything up your sleeve?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html
Hmmmmmm...lemme think about that....any of you parents have anything up your sleeve?
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Givelove......
That's it! That's the info I was looking for. Fine for my older 2, the little ones won't get it yet anyway, but if there's any general info about alcoholism or childrens books I'd like to look at that too for my younger 2.
It still seems a little foreign to just put it all out there and talk about alcoholism with them. It's been a taboo subject forever and I get kinda wigged saying it out loud. I guess with time it will all seem commonplace.
That's it! That's the info I was looking for. Fine for my older 2, the little ones won't get it yet anyway, but if there's any general info about alcoholism or childrens books I'd like to look at that too for my younger 2.
It still seems a little foreign to just put it all out there and talk about alcoholism with them. It's been a taboo subject forever and I get kinda wigged saying it out loud. I guess with time it will all seem commonplace.
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Hello there blessed 
Here's the link to al-ateen literature.
Al-Anon Online Store : Home
I suggest the "Alateen Talks Back..." series as a start. That covers the fundamental concepts. You can have your older kids help explain it to the younger ones.
You may want to skip the 4th step inventory, that's appropriate _after_ they have been involved in alateen and decided they find it useful in their lives.
The teens I know here love the "Courage to be me" book, it has some guidelines for group discussion, so you could have a sort of "alateen meeting" with just your kids and that book.
Once your kids are comfortable with a couple of the "Talks Back" pamphlets and the "Courage to be me" book you can let _them_ browse thru the website and pick out what they want to read next. That puts them more in control of their own education about the disease.
Mike
Here's the link to al-ateen literature.
Al-Anon Online Store : Home
I suggest the "Alateen Talks Back..." series as a start. That covers the fundamental concepts. You can have your older kids help explain it to the younger ones.
You may want to skip the 4th step inventory, that's appropriate _after_ they have been involved in alateen and decided they find it useful in their lives.
The teens I know here love the "Courage to be me" book, it has some guidelines for group discussion, so you could have a sort of "alateen meeting" with just your kids and that book.
Once your kids are comfortable with a couple of the "Talks Back" pamphlets and the "Courage to be me" book you can let _them_ browse thru the website and pick out what they want to read next. That puts them more in control of their own education about the disease.
Mike
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Blessed, if someone in my family had taken the time to break that taboo and teach me about alcoholism when I was a teen, it would've saved me 20 years of hell trying to figure out what was wrong with me. 20 years, three horrible relationships, physical/mental/emotional abuse, hundreds of dollars in therapy.
You are such a great mom.
((( blessed )))
You are such a great mom.
((( blessed )))
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
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I'm struggling with that answer concerning the younger two, 5 & 6 and wasn't able to help a new member on her request also for her young son.
However, I have a 17 and 13 year old myself! I am also an alcoholic in recovery. This is what worked for me. I read the excerpts posted here at SR from the book "under the Influence" and I was hooked. I need facts and this book is full of facts about how alcohol effects every part of the body. I bought the book and read it cover to cover.
I read it at the beginning of my sobriety. I also told my children about my sobriety on the 4th day I was sober. As I read and learned more and more about alcoholism, I shared it with my children. Not preaching, not boring them with terms, but hitting the highlights and explaining in practical ways how this substance becomes addicting to some of the people who consume it. Then how it takes over their lives. I was also sharing this with them as a warning because of the possible genetic connection to alcoholism. At the same time, my ex was also reading parts of this book. He tried to cut back on his consumption.
Later, he seemed to rebel against my sobriety and my boundaries. His alcoholism progressed. I was able to explain to my children the difference between their dad's behaviors and how alcohol was the cause of the anger, deception, and the divorce.
Here's the excerpt:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
However, I have a 17 and 13 year old myself! I am also an alcoholic in recovery. This is what worked for me. I read the excerpts posted here at SR from the book "under the Influence" and I was hooked. I need facts and this book is full of facts about how alcohol effects every part of the body. I bought the book and read it cover to cover.
I read it at the beginning of my sobriety. I also told my children about my sobriety on the 4th day I was sober. As I read and learned more and more about alcoholism, I shared it with my children. Not preaching, not boring them with terms, but hitting the highlights and explaining in practical ways how this substance becomes addicting to some of the people who consume it. Then how it takes over their lives. I was also sharing this with them as a warning because of the possible genetic connection to alcoholism. At the same time, my ex was also reading parts of this book. He tried to cut back on his consumption.
Later, he seemed to rebel against my sobriety and my boundaries. His alcoholism progressed. I was able to explain to my children the difference between their dad's behaviors and how alcohol was the cause of the anger, deception, and the divorce.
Here's the excerpt:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
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Originally Posted by GiveLove 
You are such a great mom.
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I second GiveLove! As awkward and uncomfortable as it may be it is a HUGE blessing that you are getting this stuff out on the table to discuss.
Teens especially respond well to an adult pulling back the veil and "gettin' real." I've found that if I share my real discomfort about a difficult subject it helps them help me...like "uuugh, I feel so awkward/reluctant/uncomfortable talking about his but it needs to get out in the open so....etc." I think it's helped my teens see me as a human being, not just the Mom.
I don't have any better resources than AlAteen....but all of the books by Faber & Mazlisch about how to talk/listen to kids/teens have been invaluable to me over the years...they are well worn books on my shelf.
Good luck-
b
Teens especially respond well to an adult pulling back the veil and "gettin' real." I've found that if I share my real discomfort about a difficult subject it helps them help me...like "uuugh, I feel so awkward/reluctant/uncomfortable talking about his but it needs to get out in the open so....etc." I think it's helped my teens see me as a human being, not just the Mom.
I don't have any better resources than AlAteen....but all of the books by Faber & Mazlisch about how to talk/listen to kids/teens have been invaluable to me over the years...they are well worn books on my shelf.
Good luck-
b
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