What is WRONG with Hardware Stores??????
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
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What is WRONG with Hardware Stores??????
So I go to The Hardware Store.....I walk in...look around, the place is HUGE.
They have plants, tools, every kitchen appliance known to man, sodas, candy bars....I wander around for hours like a kid in a candy store, this place has everything I will ever need.
I walk up to the teller, and say, "Hi, a loaf of bread please"
She says, "We don't have bread here."
....
""umm....excuse me, you are growing wheat out back, you have every kitchen appliance known to man, you have stoves, ovens, counter space, I'll take a loaf of bread please."
"Sorry, no bread here."
OK, I am beginning to get frustrated...So I explain how to make bread, how you have to let it rise, how good it tastes when it's fresh out of the oven, and how happy it will make to have a loaf of bread.
I smile, maybe flirt a little, and finish it up with , "So I'll take a loaf of bread please"
Blank look
"We don't have bread here Sir"
OK, now I am beginning to get frustrated, I must not be explaining myself correctly, everybody in the world needs bread, and I want my F'ing bread dammit!!!!
hmmm....I try a different tack....
"Hi, I'd like (then I DESCRIBE a loaf of bread without calling it a loaf of bread)
"ummm....No sir, sorry, I can't help you"
OK, Now I am angry, and I start yelling "GIVE ME A LOAF OF F'ING BREAD, LOOK IT'S NOT THAT F'ING COMPLICATED, AND MY LIFE NOW DEPENDS ON THAT LOAF OF BREAD!!!!!!!"
"I'm sorry sir, I am going to have to call security"
So over the next few months, I try everything, sometimes I lose my temper, sometimes the counter person sees me coming and calls security before I even get to her check out counter. Sometimes she gets angry and just yells at me, we argue, she says she IS selling bread, I'm like, no this is a CANDY BAR, I want an F'ing loaf of bread....
I bring her loaves of bread to show her what they look like, I wheedle, cajole, flirt, manipulate, bring "helpful readings" to show to bake bread....I bend my mind into pretzels trying to show this poor woman how to bake bread.
I try everything. I draw pictures of bread, show her passages in the Bible that show how important bread is. I tell her bread is the staff of life and offer to show her mine. Bread I mean. I tell her bread jokes.
If bread is the staff of life, what is the life of the staff?
One long loaf
She is unamused
Why doesn't she get it?? Why can't she learn to bake bread? What is WRONG with hardware stores today?????
I end up screaming at the poor unfortunate, she calls security, I get hauled before a judge and sentenced to thirty days for exceptional stupidity.
"A loaf of bread at a hardware store??? Are you just an exceptionally stupid idiot?" The judge asks me
I hang my head, looking at it from here it does seem stupid, my behavior doesn't make sense.......
So I do my "time" and get out of jail and am walking down the street, and see a new hardware store, and look around......oooooooh....shiny!!!!
They have EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
I walk up to the teller....."Hi <winning smile> Can I have a loaf of bread please?"
(This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental)
They have plants, tools, every kitchen appliance known to man, sodas, candy bars....I wander around for hours like a kid in a candy store, this place has everything I will ever need.
I walk up to the teller, and say, "Hi, a loaf of bread please"
She says, "We don't have bread here."
....
""umm....excuse me, you are growing wheat out back, you have every kitchen appliance known to man, you have stoves, ovens, counter space, I'll take a loaf of bread please."
"Sorry, no bread here."
OK, I am beginning to get frustrated...So I explain how to make bread, how you have to let it rise, how good it tastes when it's fresh out of the oven, and how happy it will make to have a loaf of bread.
I smile, maybe flirt a little, and finish it up with , "So I'll take a loaf of bread please"
Blank look
"We don't have bread here Sir"
OK, now I am beginning to get frustrated, I must not be explaining myself correctly, everybody in the world needs bread, and I want my F'ing bread dammit!!!!
hmmm....I try a different tack....
"Hi, I'd like (then I DESCRIBE a loaf of bread without calling it a loaf of bread)
"ummm....No sir, sorry, I can't help you"
OK, Now I am angry, and I start yelling "GIVE ME A LOAF OF F'ING BREAD, LOOK IT'S NOT THAT F'ING COMPLICATED, AND MY LIFE NOW DEPENDS ON THAT LOAF OF BREAD!!!!!!!"
"I'm sorry sir, I am going to have to call security"
So over the next few months, I try everything, sometimes I lose my temper, sometimes the counter person sees me coming and calls security before I even get to her check out counter. Sometimes she gets angry and just yells at me, we argue, she says she IS selling bread, I'm like, no this is a CANDY BAR, I want an F'ing loaf of bread....
I bring her loaves of bread to show her what they look like, I wheedle, cajole, flirt, manipulate, bring "helpful readings" to show to bake bread....I bend my mind into pretzels trying to show this poor woman how to bake bread.
I try everything. I draw pictures of bread, show her passages in the Bible that show how important bread is. I tell her bread is the staff of life and offer to show her mine. Bread I mean. I tell her bread jokes.
If bread is the staff of life, what is the life of the staff?
One long loaf
She is unamused
Why doesn't she get it?? Why can't she learn to bake bread? What is WRONG with hardware stores today?????
I end up screaming at the poor unfortunate, she calls security, I get hauled before a judge and sentenced to thirty days for exceptional stupidity.
"A loaf of bread at a hardware store??? Are you just an exceptionally stupid idiot?" The judge asks me
I hang my head, looking at it from here it does seem stupid, my behavior doesn't make sense.......
So I do my "time" and get out of jail and am walking down the street, and see a new hardware store, and look around......oooooooh....shiny!!!!
They have EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
I walk up to the teller....."Hi <winning smile> Can I have a loaf of bread please?"
(This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental)
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
I remember that analogy when I go to my market of choice and they have fresh, fluffy, delicious gourmet bread right from the oven...
How is their power drill selection?
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I totally get why I haven't gotten this concept all these years...I shop at Walmart.
Bread and power drills...(nerts!)
I can be such a slow boat on the log flume of life. LOL.
Thanks for the story Ago!!
Tell the one about the beanstock...that's one of my favorites. Heehee.
Fee Fi Fo Fum.
Alice.
Bread and power drills...(nerts!)
I can be such a slow boat on the log flume of life. LOL.
Thanks for the story Ago!!
Tell the one about the beanstock...that's one of my favorites. Heehee.
Fee Fi Fo Fum.
Alice.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
Actually, I prefer the alternate ending, in which, after the wanna-be customer starts screaming at the clerk, the clerk retreats to speak with manager, returns with a loaf of absolutely gorgeous, freshly-baked bread and, apologizing profusely, says:
"Oh, Sir, I'm sooooo sorry! I didn't realize who you were...but, of course we have bread for you! Just for you because, unlike any of our other customers, you are truly special and deserving of bread."
Surely there was Hollywood version that ended that way???? Or am I just imagining it?...or maybe it was a Harlequin Romance???? I know I heard it somewhere!
freya
"Oh, Sir, I'm sooooo sorry! I didn't realize who you were...but, of course we have bread for you! Just for you because, unlike any of our other customers, you are truly special and deserving of bread."
Surely there was Hollywood version that ended that way???? Or am I just imagining it?...or maybe it was a Harlequin Romance???? I know I heard it somewhere!
freya
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
True story... I was looking for a thingamajig to repair my hot tub and visited my local, well-known hardware store... the one that fancies orange. (wink, wink)
Before I could even describe said thingamajig with, "I'm looking for...", the guy I'd asked for help from abruptly interjected, "We don't carry those.", and bolted away.
I may have well asked for bread.
The moral to this story and what I learned that day is that, sometimes, the hardware store doesn't even know (or doesn't care) what it has in it's inventory.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Before I could even describe said thingamajig with, "I'm looking for...", the guy I'd asked for help from abruptly interjected, "We don't carry those.", and bolted away.
I may have well asked for bread. The moral to this story and what I learned that day is that, sometimes, the hardware store doesn't even know (or doesn't care) what it has in it's inventory.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Before I could even describe said thingamajig with, "I'm looking for...", the guy I'd asked for help from abruptly interjected, "We don't carry those.", and bolted away. I may have well asked for bread.
Hey, I've had whole relationships like that in my life. My sentence would start with, "What would be best for me would be......."
Sometimes they'd leave skid marks
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 273
How about if you are the teller who when she learns that you want bread but the store doesn't carry it would:
a) go to the manager to try convince them to start selling bread
or when that doesn't work
b) take a bread baking course after long hours at work and bring in a special loaf just for the special customer - you know for free ...
a) go to the manager to try convince them to start selling bread
or when that doesn't work
b) take a bread baking course after long hours at work and bring in a special loaf just for the special customer - you know for free ...
for this very reason.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Originally Posted by gowest
How about if you are the teller who when she learns that you want bread but the store doesn't carry it would:
a) go to the manager to try convince them to start selling bread
a) go to the manager to try convince them to start selling bread
I used to work in stores as a teenager whilst at school and where I worked if enough people asked me for bread we'd stock it, we would order in special requests, we'd stock anything legal if we could profit from it.... if it was only one regular customer and we valued them we might pick up a loaf of bread with our deliveries and have it there ready for them: it makes good customer service sense.
I guess maybe there's just not enough profit for the people I'm asking for "bread" from to stock it, I'm not a valued customer or the currency I have (supporting me etc) is worthless to them.
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Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
They've just GOT to have bread. I can't possibly live without bread, and I MUST get it from THEM. I can never again be happy if I don't get that particular bread, from that particular store. That store is my destiny. I might never find bread again, don't you see?
<rant over>
<rant over>
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
I had been going to the hardware store for bread for years - with no luck of course! I just kept going to the same place for that darn bread - I kept doing the same thing over and over and wondered why I didn't get different results. Well, I stopped going to the hardware store for bread and started making my own. I am hoping that someday I will meet someone who also knows how to make their own homemade bread like I make my own. For me, the best kind of bread that I could ever have is the kind I make and give myself.
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