I'm jaded
 

I realize I am jaded. I'm of the belief that alcoholics cannot stay sober — due to my XAH not being able to beat it. So, I feel a need to apologize to those that have overcome it and successfully maintain their sobriety. I'm sorry!

Due to my own personal experience, I know I'll never be able to even remotely put any trust into another person who has the condition. To me it would be like handling a hand grenade, even with the pin in... I just wouldn't feel 100% safe.

You're not the only one.

I get nervous around loud people. STBXAH would get drunk then get loud and opinionated, get on a soapbox, then start arguing with me... we all know the story. It's a learned behavior. We are Pavlov's dog.

No apology necessary but thank you :tyou

Your opinion is based on your experience, which is inarguably valid, and has been hard for you and on you. If I only had my family to judge alcoholics by, I would feel the same way.

I met someone some months ago that had never actually met a sober alcoholic until recently. All of the alcoholics they had ever met had died drunk or were still drinking now. It never occurred to her there might be such a thing as sobriety, or recovery from alcoholism.

I was more rare then say a Zulu in full battle regalia or the man in the moon to her and stranger if possible.

If you ever wanted to see what sober alcoholics look like, there are usually "chip" meetings, or "birthday" meetings that are usually large, open celebration meetings.

We are actually around quite a bit, but since we are members of a 'secret society", I mean an anonymous program, you don't see us. I remember going to my first meeting in my hometown which was actually tiny, there were 15 people there, none of whom I knew were sober, or actually even knew they drank, and I had grown up there.

They on the other hand, were wondering when I was going to get my @ss to a meeting :lmao

no worries :ghug3

Hot topic
 

Well, that's a sensitive subject, Trying. I don't know if you're jaded. I don't think I'd call it that. You've just changed your standards.

I'll have to agree with you, but not for the same reasons. I have several uncles who are A's, and I never had an interest in being with anyone with this problem. They were/are silly drunks and they made my family laugh. I always pitied them though, and my aunts never respected them as men. My family always shook their heads after the laughing was over.

My XABF was my college sweetheart, so I wound up with him one way or the other - he was My Dream, The One, and he had become an A while we were apart. Well - someone once asked me if it was possible that he was a con artist back when we were in college, and I was too naive to see it. After all, I lived with my parents, I never saw him much, he didn't want a commitment, and my two best friends at the time didn't like the way he treated me...was I missing the warning signs? Probably.

So, my point is anyone could be untrustworthy. What's stopping a person from becoming an addict, a freeloader, a liar, or a cheat? So, while a recovering addict has the chance of falling off the wagon as much as HE/SHE allows himself to be at risk, anyone could hurt us and make it hard to trust again.
:a043:

In the end, I really think it's about preference. I can't think of a "next lover" but I'm going to get rid of my tummy, and the next guy will have a great body and good health habits. No more eating ice cream in the middle of the night, and coming to bed with salami breath, still chewing the last bit of the sandwich. YUK!

It's also about standards. My XABF wasn't that gross in the beginning. He didn't eat at night and come to bed without brushing his teeth. But then he did. He also came home with money that smelled like perfume (so I started smelling his clothes every night to see if it was on him. It was always on his overcoat, never on his shirts.) So I lowered my standards by letting him into my life, then lowered them more by tolerating ridiculous, inappropriate behavior. I think it's about being strong enough to be able to say "NO, go away" when it's time.

Just my 2 cents.

~READY!