Summer

My sister-in-law and I have had some good talks about her brother's drinking. She has been away for awhile but is back for good now. When she asks about his drinking I'm usually pretty honest and informative. I try not to complain or trash him (even though some days I'd like too!) Anyway he was out late again the other night and both of them showed up at the house. I knew right away he had been drinking and I asked her about it. She sort of danced around it and said something like she didn't drink because she was driving. I felt like I was sitting in my home with two people pretending that everything was o.k. even though he was acting like an idiot... terrible conversation, swearing, etc. She stayed overnight and we never discussed it the next morning. I guess with all our conversations about it I thought she'd just say it how it was. Is this program people versus earth people? I had to throw that in there, it was something someone said at a meeting last night and I feel that I can see so much more clearly now since going to Alanon.
Summer

JT

Summer,

So you have her number now. She cares but she does not really get it and she is back for good.

Who was the swearing with? Him or her or both?

Those scenes get us nowhere, right? I think you know that.

And yeah...program people vs earth people? (normies) you are right about that.

Take a step back and regroup. You thought you had an ally and you found out you don't. So give that some thought.

Hugs,
JT

Summer

Thanks JT,
It was all him swearing, etc. He was the drunk one, not her. She just sort of pretended nothing was wrong. I guess I just feel sort of hurt and left out now. I'd like to still be friends with his sister in law but this makes it difficult. Can enablers enable and not even know they are doing it? I found out alot of things in alanon that I was doing that was enabling like covering up, etc. Maybe someday she'll come to a meeting with me once she's had enough of him showing up anytime and drinking at her place.
Summer

Daffodil

Summer

We can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink....

AlAnon is program of attaction, You keep on doing a good job on your recovery and things are bound to change for you and when one person changes everyone else either changes or gets left behind. Of course there's the chance she might ask the question about your recovery and THEN you get to give her the answer

Consider yourself HUGGED

Gabe

it's the person who is closest to it who can't see if for what it is. It's called "denial" and it's a defense mechanism. Remember when you were little, and you didn't want to hear something? So you stuck your fingers in your ears and sang "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" That is how I think of people in denial.
Your sister-in-law will face what she needs to face when she is ready, or when the situation gets to DefCon 5. Either way, it's good that she will have you there for support when she does. Right now, she can't admit that there is a problem, because if she does, she will have to deal with it. I've been there and done that. You wouldn't believe the ridiculous things I thought when I was in denial about my husband's drinking problem.
Peace,
Gabe