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Me the Doormat

Old 06-18-2009, 11:39 AM
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Me the Doormat

I have encouraged by others to reflect upon my own behavior...I am quite a reflective person, so this has trully been an elightening experience. For me entire relationship I have been the doormat...doing everything everyone else wants, and not taking care of me. Yesterday as I was considering this, I decided that my first change was going to be to take care of me (not is a selfish way), but to remember that my voice has value and reason, and that I needed to become the strong person that I have always been. My AH today got angry because I decided to not do something his way.....I have given up living in my house when we married, going out with friends, staying home and not going out......all the time. Of course he considers me controling and made some snide remarks about not drinking! I am proud of myself for coming to this revelation and understanding about myself. He is alarmed by my new stance, but I feel like me. He says I'm controlling and that anyone would tell me that, of course that has to do with his drinking - I am controlling him by not letting him drink. Anyway, i am kind of rambling, but for the first time in a long time I feel ready to face the world! Thank you all for your encouragement!
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Old 06-18-2009, 11:49 AM
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Well I have a 'news flash' for AH.

You can't make any one not drink and you can't make any one drink.

His not drinking, I M H O right now is so he can again manipulate and say "see I stopped, just proves I can stop any time I want to, so I am going to drink."

He's is quacking. I am glad you are starting to take care of you.

Just a question ............................. have you tried some Al-Anon meetings yet? They will be great for you to take care of you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-18-2009, 12:11 PM
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cmc
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Welcome to SR.

I decided that my first change was going to be to take care of me (not is a selfish way), but to remember that my voice has value and reason, and that I needed to become the strong person that I have always been.
This is an excellent start and I'm glad you are seeking to change and make things better for yourself.

It's a good feeling to be free from my old ways of thinking, coping and acting; that keep me living beneath the circumstances.

I hope you will try Al-Anon because it's a great way to learn and also find some face to face friends who understand and care for you- the same way those of here on SR care for one another.
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Old 06-18-2009, 01:27 PM
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Let him keep quacking. That is what they do. Quack their life away.

I am very happy you woke up to reality and willing to take steps to change it! You inspired me today.. I needed that.

All of what he says about you is about himself. Honest.
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Old 06-18-2009, 02:12 PM
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If I had a dollar for every time I was called controlling I would be a millionaire. Since my husband also colluded with my teenagers (because they don't like the disciplinarian in the family anyway) then they joined the bandwagon, Mom, you are so controlling. Oh my God, they started having me believe it. Clean your room, You're so controlling. UGH

One thing I wish I had been prepared for, lots of folks told me that when I got better, he would too. When I got better, all hell broke loose. He fought back harder, drank more, and kept the antics up trying to control me into changing back. Just so you know, I think it can go either way. Not that you shouldn't keep up the good work, doormats get very heavy, wet, smelly and dirty, best to shed them.
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Old 06-18-2009, 07:46 PM
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Hmmm...Controlling...Where have I heard that before?? Oh that's right - only about 875 times a week for 3 years LOL

I swear there's a damn textbook out there for A's. They must be free with purchase at the liquor store.

Don't worry about it - you're on the right track. Taking care of yourself is the first and BIGGEST step. It's also can be the scariest, hardest and best thing you will ever do in your life. I remember feeling absolutely great in a way when I finally left. Of course I was heartbroken and sad but it also felt so good to finally be free of the insanity and able to focus on what I needed and wanted.

As long as it feels right to you then it is right. Just keep taking care of yourself and listening to your gut/inner voice and you will be fine.
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