covington

There are some situations that call out for the mind of a poet with its capacity for seeing nuance and unseen implications. And then there are some situations where the beauty is in the sheer infallible obviousness of it. This is one of those pretty obvious situations, which is nice, because you don't have to get all weepy about it. You can just say, Oh, yeah, I know this one.

So here it is in a nutshell: People leave alcoholics. That's what happens. Alcoholics get left. They get left in bars. They get left on the side of the road. People tire of alcoholics. They wear out their welcomes. They grate. Invitations are not extended. Their subscriptions lapse. It's like, not your fault. It's a natural law. It's not even personal. You can tell him that. You can tell him that it's no hard feelings, it's the nature of the thing.

It's a classic progression. The alcoholic starts out with stuff, things, people, family, job, network, a whole world. One by one they get snipped off. Things and people disconnect. The alcoholic's world shrinks.

I read the above three paragraphs on a web site (about.com) and they've been ringing in my ears for two weeks. It's like a light bulb went off: I can disengage, I can leave this suffering behind me.

It's time to make myself feel welcome in the world. It's time to take out that cute little ornament my mom gave me: gardeners live in beautiful places because they make them that way. It's time to paint the kitchen (even if it takes six days to get up the strength to finish the job) and take down the masking tape and make a cup of coffee and stand back and say, wow, I did something nice for me.

Then the really hard work begins--taking a long look in the mirror--and finding joy, finding defects, finding strength, meditating, reading, growing--and rebuilding my life in a way that welcomes those friends who want to share laughter, who want to share hikes, who want me to talk about what it is I love in the world, what it is that we're both curious about in the world. I will nurture them, and they will also nurture me.


If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values -- that all reality hinges on moral foundations.
Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes

alwaysthinking2

How do I hit the "thanks for this useful post" button more than once?

Great post.

at2

MeHandle

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

excellent covington

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whyamistaying

So true

Chrysalis123

Thank you for sharing that. Your post helped me.

MissFixit

One thing is also true, as you get healthier in life the active A will surpress your progress by emotionally or physically hurting you, or replace you with an enabler.

TakingCharge999

As it says somewhere on the Classic Reading section

"You have to cross the bridge. You cannot wait for any other person. You need to trust other people cheering for you at the other side. Then, it will be your turn to cheer up others that still stuck on the "old school" side of the bridge.
They may or may not cross- but you will be safe on the other side, closer to love"

I made up some parts for dramatic effect.

splendra

bump this is a very good post!! thanks alot (((((covington)))))

EnoughisEnough7

I remember reading this before and really enjoyed it on another website ... dailystrength.org/people/227214/journal/1411796 in December 08

The article in its entirety is enthralling and enlightening ... it hits on the concept of the inevitable result of relationships with most alcoholics - plain and simple. If more people knew this to begin with, there would be far fewer people wasting years before finally realizing the sad reality and inevitable outcome of this terrible addiction.

I remember showing this article to one of my sons so he would better understand that it wasn't just his dad that was left...it was the outcome that occurs in most homes with alcoholics - sooner or later.

appleblaster

As usual, I am always directed towards what I should know. It really is the natural progression. Alcoholics make it difficult to be around. It reminds me of Pigpen from Peanuts with his nastyness swirling around him all the time. How are you supposed to be around someone like that??

FunnyOne

ARGGGHHH and I am the dummy that waited for HIM to leave me! Sheesh

chrisea

Whether he was left or he left, my part of the ending was - I gave up feeding him, and this was his life option (sadly, to find others to mooch off of).

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”
~ Flavia Weedn

“It is not down in any map; true places never are.” ~ Herman Melville


"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."
~ Babatunde Olatunji 7