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Decisions and Guilt Absolutely no one is better at beating themselves up than I am, and it keeps me stuck now. This is just a rambling post, more to get it out and written than anything. Kinda my journal entry for the day :) There simply are no jobs here, and I know that I must leave, but it's hard. My daughter was terribly upset when I moved her here, it was very hard on her...and now that she's settled and with friends, I'm going to uproot her again. She continues to pay the price for my poor decisions. She keeps saying she's not going to go, if I leave. I've got a list of the pros and cons of moving- Pros: Jobs Broadband internet (needed for online work I do) Al-anon meetings (they have them every day of the week there!) counseling close to family beaches Cons: Moving the kiddo city living leaving this quiet beautiful place Expense (cost of living is higher) worry about the school system there I keep thinking that I'm wanting to move for selfish reasons, to get back in counseling and to be able to get to face to face meetings. That if I tried hard enough, I could squeak by here making a bit of money here and there on the internet with my tin-can and string connection. But then I kick myself (for beating myself up), because wanting to get help for me isn't selfish. My Mom could use some support with my grandparents also, grandpa has advanced alzheimers and grandma isn't doing too well. I'd like to be nearby when the inevitable happens. AND, I grew up on the beach and I miss it. If I have to live in the city, being able to meditate on the beach in the evening is a good swap, I think. I've discovered that it's not too expensive to live in the area I'm looking at, amazingly. There are jobs available there (and broadband!), and it's not far from my Mom. So, tomorrow I hope to get all my legal paperwork done, and I should be able to leave the state soon, should I decide that's what I want to do. I just feel terribly about it all. |
"Absolutely no one is better at beating themselves up than I am" Wanna have a contest? :e136: |
AH NO, you two are not going to win on this one... I am THE BEST PLAYER... of the OTHER TEAM!!! No worse enemy than myself... isn't it ironic that we can find compassion for the worst loser on Earth as "intuitive empaths" but not even a single word of support for ourselves? sheeeeeeeesh Still Waters... seems a tough choice... but the kid will understand one day |
Now wait, the Best For Beating Yourself Up award is the only one I have! And you two are taking it away!!!! :tyou It's a tough one to get past for me. I can second guess my second guesses. |
It sounds like a good decision StillWaters. I did alot of moving around as a child, but each time was a step toward a better life. Feel good about it! Peace |
Still Waters... seems a tough choice... but the kid will understand one day Yeah I was thinking the same thing....try to really listen and not argue with whatever feelings your daughter expresses about the move...let her know you are aware how hard it will be for her and that it is a sacrifice and you hope one day she will understand. You gotta find a way to let go of the guilt and feeling rotten about what sounds like a good decision. I mean - you have to work right? How old is your daughter? --B |
I did too Romey, so moving doesn't bother me a bit, never did. But it does her... She'll get over it, I know. I'm trying to think of all the things she can do there, that I did as a kid. Sailing, beach volleyball, jetskis, water skiing, fishing...ooo, I bet she'd love windsurfing! I wonder if I can teach the cat to ride a boogie board? |
Originally Posted by Bernadette
(Post 2263193)
Still Waters... seems a tough choice... but the kid will understand one day Yeah I was thinking the same thing....try to really listen and not argue with whatever feelings your daughter expresses about the move...let her know you are aware how hard it will be for her and that it is a sacrifice and you hope one day she will understand. You gotta find a way to let go of the guilt and feeling rotten about what sounds like a good decision. I mean - you have to work right? How old is your daughter? --B And yes, I have to work....and it's very difficult for me to do graphics here since my connection is so slow. |
Ugh 14! Right smack in the middle of the joys of adolesecence!! My son is 14 too- yeah he would be pissed off if I moved him now.... I'm trying to think of some good fiction for adolescents that touch on this subject...does she like to read? Can anyone think of any? --B |
She hates to read :/ We are total opposites, which makes it even harder of course. She is typical, the universe pretty much revolves around her - so I'm looking for a place where she can have her own bathroom, and I'm checking out the schools so she can maybe get a map/floorplan ahead of time so she doesn't feel totally lost. A place with a pool would be good with her too. Blackmail? LOL. |
I would send her pictures of hunky surfers, that may motivate her... Or if its not that type of beach, then just cute guys in swimsuits :) |
She likes the grungy looking ones, with the hair. You know, the ones where the only thing you can see is the nose? I call all the boys like that Nose. It irritates her. LOL. I'm really hoping that once I finish filing my paperwork, I'm not tied to this state for some terrible amount of time - once I make my mind up I like to get the show on the road. |
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