ellima01

here I am at work- having a hard time concentating on the job. How can you miss someone who treated you so badly? I just feel so alone- walking aroun the house that we shared I feel so empty. The EPO still has not been served- they probably won't look for him any more- feels like this will drag on forever- I really need this to be over and done- give me some closure...

tallulah

I was attacked in March. My attacker is going through the Court system. He has not yet entered a plea and he is not allowed to contact me. This thing could rumble on for a while yet. Meantime this hangs over me, I have no control over this situation, there is nothing I can do or say to make it go any quicker or smoother, I have no 'closure'... (all though that is not strictly true as closure actually comes from within you if you let it and not from some kind of explanation from the other party.. and I've chosen to allow myself closure).

So I have two options. I either spend all my time thinking about it, worrying about it, letting it consume me and my time.. or I let go and let God. The former is an exercise in futility and keeps all of my life stuck and in limbo... the latter gives me some serenity and while some of my life may be stuck in neutral the rest can move forward.

You miss someone who treated you badly because you are human and because you have been conditioned to see that (what he gave you, how he treated you) as love and partnership. While you are walking around the house.. instead of missing him and looking through rose coloured spectacles.. why not remember how it truly was and celebrate the peace you now have.

MissFixit

Hey there.

Hugs.

I agree with Tallulah. Sometimes the closure we want/need isn't coming from the other party, so we have to dig deep to be okay with that and with ourselves. Listen to me, I can't even take my own advice, but i see it clearly for you. (Laughing)

I hope you feel better.

Miss

Seren

(((Ellima))) Hang in there!!! It will get better. You are doing what you need for your future and for your children's future! Hugs, HG

catlovermi

I think sometimes what happens is we pin our hopes and dreams and fantasies of our needs being fulfilled on another person - that they will complete us, and when that person doesn't work out, and is gone, we feel like our hopes of our needs ever being met are dashed. We feel left with a sucking black hole.

We think we miss that PERSON terribly, when actually we miss what they represented, but never actually were: The potential for wholeness and fulfillment in ourselves.

The trick is to redirect the thinking toward inner fulfillment, that we are to make OURSELVES whole, not that we will magically become whole when we find our "soulmate" or perfect other half.

To lose the dream of the "soulmate" is a harsh grieving process to go through. It places the responsibility of our happiness squarely on our own shoulders, and that's a scary thought for many.

CLMI