I just don't get it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 10
I just don't get it
My husband has been in rehab 5 times since January of this year. The pattern is always the same.
He comes home from detox determined not to drink. He says he is happy and looks happy. However, he won't seek help after detox. He won't go to a counselor because he says they are just quacks out to get his money and if I find a free one he says he thinks he/she is just a quack.
He won't go to AA because he thinks the religious or "higher power" thing is BS. He doesn't want to be a "goody goody bible thumper". He also doesn't want to "hear other people whine about their problems" as he has enough of his own. Even though that is not the case with AA, he refuses to try it to see for himself. He refuses to TRY anything!
A few days into sobriety he is "bored". He won't find anything to combat the boredom though. He says he doesn't like being a "goody goody". He does not want to be a "boring, sober, goody two shoes". He is 40 years old. Drinking being "cool" is long over with.
I can't help but feel angry that he equates drinking with social status. His friends are long gone and he rarely leaves the house so he's not drinking with anybody but himself. We certainly don't like him drinking. Nobody want to be around him when he is drinking so I don't understand how alcohol is fun or cool when he is alone when he's drinking.
It would certainly help if he would see a counselor to find out why he feels this way but from what I gather, he doesn't want to see himself any other way and I think he is afraid to find out that life as a sober person really isn't so boring.
While under the guise that he is sober, he often tells me what he knows I want to hear and goes behind my back thinking that I don't know that he is drinking. He gets mad when I check to see if he is drinking and says that I am "nagging" and that I "don't trust him" when I don't see how he can expect me to when I find the hidden bottle of beer and after so many times, how can I simply trust him when he won't seek other means of help and won't change any of his usual patterns? The first three times I blindly trusted him. I just CAN'T anymore.
Then he tries to blame me for his reason (that I don't trust him not to drink). He says I'm the reason he drinks. He thinks that the kids (teenagers) only tell him to stop because I want them to tell him that. They tell him on their own but he refuses to believe that. Somehow, I am putting them up to it.
In the past it was other reasons. The house wasn't clean enough or there was too much stress. So I bent over backwards to keep those "triggers" at bay but I realize that I am not the reason nor are the reasons he gave in the past because as each of those were eliminated, he found new ones.
Then he tries to reason that "it's only ONE beer". It's not only one beer, it's a 40 oz bottle so it is 3 beers and it never stops with just one 40 oz bottle.
Then he returns to drinking full time and says that he just wants to be left alone to drink himself to death.
I have no qualms about divorce. The part that INFURIATES me is that he won't leave voluntarily. The kids and I have paid enough for his problem and I am not about to make them move away from their friends and give up their pets because he knows I can't afford another house without his income and our credit so bad that I doubt I will be able to afford a decent apartment either. I will have to have him evicted through legal force and then of course, I am the bad guy for having to do that.
I just don't understand why he is so hell bent on going back to alcohol despite putting me and the kids through all of this when alcohol has done nothing for him put make his and our life miserable.
As with just about every other spouse, he didn't start out this way. He was once a loving husband and father with a strong work ethic and a lot of time spent with the kids. He always drank but started out minor and progressed over the years. Now he just sits in front of the TV playing Xbox and drinking and gets obnoxious and loud and we all get agitated and annoyed with him and eventually everyone is yelling at each other and we are ALL screaming at him to just go to bed and sleep it off. HOW is this fun???
He comes home from detox determined not to drink. He says he is happy and looks happy. However, he won't seek help after detox. He won't go to a counselor because he says they are just quacks out to get his money and if I find a free one he says he thinks he/she is just a quack.
He won't go to AA because he thinks the religious or "higher power" thing is BS. He doesn't want to be a "goody goody bible thumper". He also doesn't want to "hear other people whine about their problems" as he has enough of his own. Even though that is not the case with AA, he refuses to try it to see for himself. He refuses to TRY anything!
A few days into sobriety he is "bored". He won't find anything to combat the boredom though. He says he doesn't like being a "goody goody". He does not want to be a "boring, sober, goody two shoes". He is 40 years old. Drinking being "cool" is long over with.
I can't help but feel angry that he equates drinking with social status. His friends are long gone and he rarely leaves the house so he's not drinking with anybody but himself. We certainly don't like him drinking. Nobody want to be around him when he is drinking so I don't understand how alcohol is fun or cool when he is alone when he's drinking.
It would certainly help if he would see a counselor to find out why he feels this way but from what I gather, he doesn't want to see himself any other way and I think he is afraid to find out that life as a sober person really isn't so boring.
While under the guise that he is sober, he often tells me what he knows I want to hear and goes behind my back thinking that I don't know that he is drinking. He gets mad when I check to see if he is drinking and says that I am "nagging" and that I "don't trust him" when I don't see how he can expect me to when I find the hidden bottle of beer and after so many times, how can I simply trust him when he won't seek other means of help and won't change any of his usual patterns? The first three times I blindly trusted him. I just CAN'T anymore.
Then he tries to blame me for his reason (that I don't trust him not to drink). He says I'm the reason he drinks. He thinks that the kids (teenagers) only tell him to stop because I want them to tell him that. They tell him on their own but he refuses to believe that. Somehow, I am putting them up to it.
In the past it was other reasons. The house wasn't clean enough or there was too much stress. So I bent over backwards to keep those "triggers" at bay but I realize that I am not the reason nor are the reasons he gave in the past because as each of those were eliminated, he found new ones.
Then he tries to reason that "it's only ONE beer". It's not only one beer, it's a 40 oz bottle so it is 3 beers and it never stops with just one 40 oz bottle.
Then he returns to drinking full time and says that he just wants to be left alone to drink himself to death.
I have no qualms about divorce. The part that INFURIATES me is that he won't leave voluntarily. The kids and I have paid enough for his problem and I am not about to make them move away from their friends and give up their pets because he knows I can't afford another house without his income and our credit so bad that I doubt I will be able to afford a decent apartment either. I will have to have him evicted through legal force and then of course, I am the bad guy for having to do that.
I just don't understand why he is so hell bent on going back to alcohol despite putting me and the kids through all of this when alcohol has done nothing for him put make his and our life miserable.
As with just about every other spouse, he didn't start out this way. He was once a loving husband and father with a strong work ethic and a lot of time spent with the kids. He always drank but started out minor and progressed over the years. Now he just sits in front of the TV playing Xbox and drinking and gets obnoxious and loud and we all get agitated and annoyed with him and eventually everyone is yelling at each other and we are ALL screaming at him to just go to bed and sleep it off. HOW is this fun???
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
He is an alcoholic, to try and find logic, to try and understand....is futile.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and 5 rehab sessions have changed what? Nothing.
So what if you're the bad guy? Will the children not be better off not having to witness his slow death? Will they benefit from having a safe and sane home?
At this point, nothing is going to change until you change it.
It's very difficult and exhausting, I know. Keep your chin up, things DO get better.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and 5 rehab sessions have changed what? Nothing.
So what if you're the bad guy? Will the children not be better off not having to witness his slow death? Will they benefit from having a safe and sane home?
At this point, nothing is going to change until you change it.
It's very difficult and exhausting, I know. Keep your chin up, things DO get better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
This is the textbook description of the alcoholic family.
It sounds like you are ready for divorce. I would file. My guess is that he doesn't believe for a minute you will.
But do it not to shock him.....but to finally get off the merry go round.
A divorce WILL evict him.
More will be along to give you good feedback.
Take care and glad you are here.
It sounds like you are ready for divorce. I would file. My guess is that he doesn't believe for a minute you will.
But do it not to shock him.....but to finally get off the merry go round.
A divorce WILL evict him.
More will be along to give you good feedback.
Take care and glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 182
It isn't fun...nothing about it is fun. (((tiredwife2))) Be grateful that you didn't cover his drinking to the point that the kids don't understand what he is doing like I did....
There will be a bunch of folks that will answer asking you what you are going to do about it to reclaim your life. I will not be one of them. I know it sucks. I know you hurt. I know you have been "doing" for so long you don't know why you have to "do" the divorce proceedings to get him out of the house. I've been there, I know it is horrid.
You said "I am not about to make them move away from their friends and give up their pets because he knows I can't afford another house without his income and our credit so bad that I doubt I will be able to afford a decent apartment either. I will have to have him evicted through legal force and then of course, I am the bad guy for having to do that." I am happy to report that times have changed a bit, and though it is still a major patriarchal society, two things stand. First, the Mama usually gets the kids, particularly since you can prove he has a problem (5 times in 5 months?) Second, there are child support formulas now that don't leave the decision up to some possibly anti female judge. It's based on his income, that's it. Finally, you may get spousal support.
I resisted it for a long time, fearing the worst, but my trip to an attorney showed me that I CAN do this legally, however hard it may be for me emotionally!
Blessings to you, you ARE your children's best advocate. Be good to you.
There will be a bunch of folks that will answer asking you what you are going to do about it to reclaim your life. I will not be one of them. I know it sucks. I know you hurt. I know you have been "doing" for so long you don't know why you have to "do" the divorce proceedings to get him out of the house. I've been there, I know it is horrid.
You said "I am not about to make them move away from their friends and give up their pets because he knows I can't afford another house without his income and our credit so bad that I doubt I will be able to afford a decent apartment either. I will have to have him evicted through legal force and then of course, I am the bad guy for having to do that." I am happy to report that times have changed a bit, and though it is still a major patriarchal society, two things stand. First, the Mama usually gets the kids, particularly since you can prove he has a problem (5 times in 5 months?) Second, there are child support formulas now that don't leave the decision up to some possibly anti female judge. It's based on his income, that's it. Finally, you may get spousal support.
I resisted it for a long time, fearing the worst, but my trip to an attorney showed me that I CAN do this legally, however hard it may be for me emotionally!
Blessings to you, you ARE your children's best advocate. Be good to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
He's a practicing alcoholic, there is nothing about "recovery" there
Rehabs are part of his drinking pattern
he does it to "dry out" and maybe get you off his back for a minute
He wants to want to stop (drinking)
What do you want? (for yourself, don't list anything that requires behavior modification on his part, you are powerless over him AND his drinking)
Is this the life YOU want for yourself?
Rehabs are part of his drinking pattern
he does it to "dry out" and maybe get you off his back for a minute
He wants to want to stop (drinking)
What do you want? (for yourself, don't list anything that requires behavior modification on his part, you are powerless over him AND his drinking)
Is this the life YOU want for yourself?
God is leading the way!!!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 245
He is not ready!:sorry He has'nt hit rock bottom yet, until people find themselves losing homes, jobs, relationships, then they realize that its time to change. If he doesn't change then you should do the changing for yourself. GOOD LUCK!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Ago 
He's a practicing alcoholic, there is nothing about "recovery" there
Rehabs are part of his drinking pattern
he does it to "dry out"
Rehabs are part of his drinking pattern
he does it to "dry out"
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
It sure sounds like he is using the rehab and brief periods of sobriety to get you off his back. He will always have reasons why he can't go to AA or an addiction counselor, lots of reasons. He will always blame you for his next drink. If everything is going great, he will celebrate the good times with a drink.
I know. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I was also married to my drinking partner. I got sober and began recovery work on myself, he did not get sober. I tried setting boundaries, I tried detachment, I tried tolerance and I tried patience. Then one day I realized that the example I was setting for my children was to stay in a situation that would continue to get worse. A situation that I didn't cause , I couldn't control , and I wouldn't cure (alcoholism is progressive). An example to settle for this situation as my lot in life since we were legally married. I was staying married to an active alcoholic because of marriage vows I made to him? Was he keeping his part of the vows? Absolutely not! Beer was his love and passion. I was not being honored, respected, or cared for. His needs came before mine or the children's everytime. I decided I wanted more for my children and myself.
After one more night of binge drinking and driving his drunk self home, he vomitted all over the bathroom. Three boundaries broken: driving drunk, coming home drunk and leaving a drunken mess. The kids and I left for 3 days, then I asked him to leave and give us some time.
I liked the peacefulness and serenity that came back into our lives after he left. I liked it too much to give it up and have the cycle start all over again. You know the cycle, right? The: I'm sorry, I will do better, forgive me... fast forward into the next binge or the next bill that can't be paid because we don't have money, but he still has plenty of beer and smokes. That's the cycle.
I needed to protect myself legally from an active alcoholic that was still driving after drinking, often with an open container in the car. I filed for divorce. (14 years of marriage) I accepted a job in another city and now my children and I have an apartment with our pets. I made sure my new city had alanon meetings. I am at peace, my home is a santuary and love lives here!
Oh yeah, my ex got sober and attends AA, has a sponsor and is working his steps. We are still friends supporting each other in our own recovery programs.
I know. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I was also married to my drinking partner. I got sober and began recovery work on myself, he did not get sober. I tried setting boundaries, I tried detachment, I tried tolerance and I tried patience. Then one day I realized that the example I was setting for my children was to stay in a situation that would continue to get worse. A situation that I didn't cause , I couldn't control , and I wouldn't cure (alcoholism is progressive). An example to settle for this situation as my lot in life since we were legally married. I was staying married to an active alcoholic because of marriage vows I made to him? Was he keeping his part of the vows? Absolutely not! Beer was his love and passion. I was not being honored, respected, or cared for. His needs came before mine or the children's everytime. I decided I wanted more for my children and myself.
After one more night of binge drinking and driving his drunk self home, he vomitted all over the bathroom. Three boundaries broken: driving drunk, coming home drunk and leaving a drunken mess. The kids and I left for 3 days, then I asked him to leave and give us some time.
I liked the peacefulness and serenity that came back into our lives after he left. I liked it too much to give it up and have the cycle start all over again. You know the cycle, right? The: I'm sorry, I will do better, forgive me... fast forward into the next binge or the next bill that can't be paid because we don't have money, but he still has plenty of beer and smokes. That's the cycle.
I needed to protect myself legally from an active alcoholic that was still driving after drinking, often with an open container in the car. I filed for divorce. (14 years of marriage) I accepted a job in another city and now my children and I have an apartment with our pets. I made sure my new city had alanon meetings. I am at peace, my home is a santuary and love lives here!
Oh yeah, my ex got sober and attends AA, has a sponsor and is working his steps. We are still friends supporting each other in our own recovery programs.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by tiredwife2
I will have to have him evicted through legal force and then of course, I am the bad guy for having to do that.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I have been EXACTLY where you are. My exah would not leave either. I had to file for divorce and a hearing for a restraining order to get him to agree to leave (and even then it took over a month to get him out). Yeah I had to be the bad guy and put up with a lot of crap and quacking but it was worth it.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 245
I could have written your post, just not rehab for 5 times. I think if he is refusing to leave, you should file for a separation/divorce and then you can get him to leave. Do you have to keep paying for rehab or is it covered?
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Originally Posted by tiredwife2
Then he returns to drinking full time and says that he just wants to be left alone to drink himself to death.
I just don't understand why he is so hell bent on going back to alcohol despite putting me and the kids through all of this when alcohol has done nothing for him put make his and our life miserable.
I just don't understand why he is so hell bent on going back to alcohol despite putting me and the kids through all of this when alcohol has done nothing for him put make his and our life miserable.
Originally Posted by tiredwife2
Now he just sits in front of the TV playing Xbox and drinking and gets obnoxious and loud and we all get agitated and annoyed with him and eventually everyone is yelling at each other and we are ALL screaming at him to just go to bed and sleep it off. HOW is this fun???
Have you tried Al-Anon or counseling? I think it would be worth it for all of you. While your AH is zoned out in laa-laa land or isolating himself, everybody else is getting agitated and upset. When he decides he wants to pass out wherever and sleep it off, he will. Yelling at him to move elsewhere probably just gets him more ticked off and determined to keep everybody upset. He can sit back and enjoy seeing he has the power to make everyone crazy.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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Thank you guys for your words of support. It helps a great deal.
When I said I had to "be the bad guy" it was in reference to how my kids see me in regards to kicking their dad out. As much as he aggravates them, they still don't want him to leave. They just want him to stop drinking as do I but sadly, it has to be him who wants it just as badly. Getting them to understand that is not easy.
Last night was an odd turn of events and I am not sure what to make of it. First, I need to back up just a little bit. The first 4 times he went to rehab, he didn't want anyone to know, especially his family since their relationship has been very strained over the years and he felt they would look down on him as a loser. So this last time (which was a week ago, btw) he said he didn't care who knew. So, when his step mom called to invite us over, I told her where he was. I expected a few words of support from her but that was all. Instead she asked what facility and what the visiting hours were and that they wanted to lend their full support. So I told her and she and his dad visited him in the facility. I thought for certain he would be pissed but he was happy instead. So when he came home (3 days - insurance will only cover 3 days inpatient), I thought MAYBE things would be different. When I found the bottle of beer yesterday, I came on here and wrote my little rant above and went upstairs to where he was sleeping and calmly told him that I was filing for divorce. I expected him to say Fine! or Whatever! which is what he would say when I would threaten in the past but he said nothing at all. Before he could respond, the phone rang and it was his dad. He was in a pretty good mood when he hung up the phone but I was reluctant to count on it much. Then a friend of ours who we haven't seen since before Christmas came over with some bratwurst and iced tea. Again, I expected him to go and get beer but he didn't. He drank the iced tea and stayed sober the entire evening. Again, I am reluctant to count much for it but I didn't say anything. This morning, I almost fainted when he picked up The Big Book (AA gave him one in the facility) and started reading it. I didn't say a word. I was afraid to jinx anything. He read for about two hours. So far, he still hasn't gone to buy beer. He even took his Camparal. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Should I say something encouraging or just shut up and see what happens? He even looked at schedule of meetings they gave him. I'm so happy yet at the same time I am afraid to be happy because he has NEVER even given AA a thought let alone this. I'm confused. Part of me says to go and file anyway and if he really does take measures to stop and improve, I can withdraw it. The other part says to wait and see because I don't think he did it just to get me off of his back because in the past I went as far as getting the paperwork to fill out and he still didn't seem bothered by it. Something is different but again, I don't know if I believe it's for real.
When I said I had to "be the bad guy" it was in reference to how my kids see me in regards to kicking their dad out. As much as he aggravates them, they still don't want him to leave. They just want him to stop drinking as do I but sadly, it has to be him who wants it just as badly. Getting them to understand that is not easy.
Last night was an odd turn of events and I am not sure what to make of it. First, I need to back up just a little bit. The first 4 times he went to rehab, he didn't want anyone to know, especially his family since their relationship has been very strained over the years and he felt they would look down on him as a loser. So this last time (which was a week ago, btw) he said he didn't care who knew. So, when his step mom called to invite us over, I told her where he was. I expected a few words of support from her but that was all. Instead she asked what facility and what the visiting hours were and that they wanted to lend their full support. So I told her and she and his dad visited him in the facility. I thought for certain he would be pissed but he was happy instead. So when he came home (3 days - insurance will only cover 3 days inpatient), I thought MAYBE things would be different. When I found the bottle of beer yesterday, I came on here and wrote my little rant above and went upstairs to where he was sleeping and calmly told him that I was filing for divorce. I expected him to say Fine! or Whatever! which is what he would say when I would threaten in the past but he said nothing at all. Before he could respond, the phone rang and it was his dad. He was in a pretty good mood when he hung up the phone but I was reluctant to count on it much. Then a friend of ours who we haven't seen since before Christmas came over with some bratwurst and iced tea. Again, I expected him to go and get beer but he didn't. He drank the iced tea and stayed sober the entire evening. Again, I am reluctant to count much for it but I didn't say anything. This morning, I almost fainted when he picked up The Big Book (AA gave him one in the facility) and started reading it. I didn't say a word. I was afraid to jinx anything. He read for about two hours. So far, he still hasn't gone to buy beer. He even took his Camparal. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Should I say something encouraging or just shut up and see what happens? He even looked at schedule of meetings they gave him. I'm so happy yet at the same time I am afraid to be happy because he has NEVER even given AA a thought let alone this. I'm confused. Part of me says to go and file anyway and if he really does take measures to stop and improve, I can withdraw it. The other part says to wait and see because I don't think he did it just to get me off of his back because in the past I went as far as getting the paperwork to fill out and he still didn't seem bothered by it. Something is different but again, I don't know if I believe it's for real.
Last edited by tiredwife2; 06-14-2009 at 02:27 PM.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by prodigal
As a non-A, I doubt you'll ever really understand it. But he has made it crystal clear what he wants to do. That's on his side of the street. Now would be a good time to get back on your side of the street. Why?
The answer is, because as you post above, EVERYBODY is being affected, in a crazy-making sort of way, by the A. Getting upset and yelling at an obnoxious drunk who just wants everybody out of his face and off his back so he can drink himself to death, is owned by the people involved in this unfortunate situation.
Have you tried Al-Anon or counseling? I think it would be worth it for all of you. While your AH is zoned out in laa-laa land or isolating himself, everybody else is getting agitated and upset. When he decides he wants to pass out wherever and sleep it off, he will. Yelling at him to move elsewhere probably just gets him more ticked off and determined to keep everybody upset. He can sit back and enjoy seeing he has the power to make everyone crazy.
The answer is, because as you post above, EVERYBODY is being affected, in a crazy-making sort of way, by the A. Getting upset and yelling at an obnoxious drunk who just wants everybody out of his face and off his back so he can drink himself to death, is owned by the people involved in this unfortunate situation.
Have you tried Al-Anon or counseling? I think it would be worth it for all of you. While your AH is zoned out in laa-laa land or isolating himself, everybody else is getting agitated and upset. When he decides he wants to pass out wherever and sleep it off, he will. Yelling at him to move elsewhere probably just gets him more ticked off and determined to keep everybody upset. He can sit back and enjoy seeing he has the power to make everyone crazy.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by tiredwife2
This morning, I almost fainted when he picked up The Big Book (AA gave him one in the facility) and started reading it. I didn't say a word. I was afraid to jinx anything. He read for about two hours. So far, he still hasn't gone to buy beer. He even took his Camparal. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Should I say something encouraging or just shut up and see what happens? He even looked at schedule of meetings they gave him. I'm so happy yet at the same time I am afraid to be happy because he has NEVER even given AA a thought let alone this.
He's done this song and dance of rehab/not drinking/back to drinking 5 times this year already. So what would his past behavior this year point towards in the long run for a result?
There's nothing that says you can't file for a legal separation and protect you and those kids in more ways than one, is there?
If an alcoholic is truly sincere about embracing recovery, it isn't going to make a whit's difference to him/her if the family separates from him/her until considerable time/recovery has come to pass.
If the alcoholic gets upset about that arrangement, there's a good possibility that the current 'good' behavior is another trick to keep the family hooked in.
Regardless of what his behavior is today, what steps can you take to care for yourself and your kids, and not allow his actions to dictate what you will/won't do?
:ghug :ghug
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Location: Boston
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Should I say something encouraging or just shut up and see what happens? He even looked at schedule of meetings they gave him. I'm so happy yet at the same time I am afraid to be happy because he has NEVER even given AA a thought let alone this.
I vote for being quiet about it (I hate to tell you to "shut up"!!!)
One way to naturally be quiet about it is to get yourself on your own path to recovery.
Alanon?
Counseling?
Either of these will help you stop paying so much attention to what he's up to and keep the focus on you.
Try to maintain realistic expectations...or better - no expectations! This does not mean you are cynical or unsupportive. It just means you are wise enough not to set yourself up for a crushing disappointment or a resentment-fest if he returns to his active alcoholism patterns.
Try to get really excited about your own recovery and personal growth and leave his side of the street to him!
One day at a time and more will be revealed.
peace,
b
I vote for being quiet about it (I hate to tell you to "shut up"!!!)
One way to naturally be quiet about it is to get yourself on your own path to recovery.
Alanon?
Counseling?
Either of these will help you stop paying so much attention to what he's up to and keep the focus on you.
Try to maintain realistic expectations...or better - no expectations! This does not mean you are cynical or unsupportive. It just means you are wise enough not to set yourself up for a crushing disappointment or a resentment-fest if he returns to his active alcoholism patterns.
Try to get really excited about your own recovery and personal growth and leave his side of the street to him!
One day at a time and more will be revealed.
peace,
b
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: midwest
Posts: 231
I think you might want to go to Al-anon and take care of yourself. Al-anon does not give advice and will not tell you to get a divorce, it is up to you. They do recommend not to make any major decisions (like divorce) until you have been going to Al-anon for at least 6 months. Again, it is up to you. I recommend Al-anon meetings for you, and maybe the teens will go to Al-ateen. I am married to a functional alcoholic (he has a job). Take care and keep us posted. :praying
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