Broken22

I have been really trying the Al-Anon thing. I just got home from work and he's passed out. Again. For the last month I've been reading out of my "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" book before I walk in the door so I can properly handle whatever situation greets me. Today, June 12, you know what it says? Quote: "It is really a pity we cannot go to market and buy ourselves a big chunk of sense of humor just as we would buy a package of yeast. They do about the same kind of job: yeast gives lightness and pleasant texture and taste to bread; the bit of humor works to lighten the heavy seriousness of our daily living, and smooths out the rough spots in our communication with each other." Todays reminder goes on to talk about looking closely at what is happening and finding an element of fun--fantasy, absurdity, or even a relieving silliness. Are they effing kidding? HUMOR??? This made me angrier than I was when I walked in the door. Maybe if we could go to the market and buy ourselves a big chunk of patience, or buy ourselves a magic wand, but a sense of humor? I don't get this.

Still Waters

May as well dredge up the sense of humor, 'cause you darned sure can't control or change him. That's how I read it anyway.

Pelican

What would your life look like if you were able to use a magic wand?
Play the tape forward and see where you are, what your life looks like, your home, your job, your patience, peace, serenity; how do they look to you in a perfect future?

What is stopping you from having that magical future?

You may have lost touch with some of your humor, who wouldn't living with an active alcoholic? I did too. I lost my sense of humor and spontaneity because I was always anticipating the next crisis. The next binge, the next financial crisis, the next angry outburst, the next loss of bodily function, etc...

I was not myself anymore. I was a caretaker of someone else's life. One day, I decided to start living my life for myself. I put myself at the top of my own priority list. I discovered feelings other than anger, resentment and hopelessness. I found peace, serenity and yes, humor. I surprised myself when I finally laughed out loud again. It was a good feeling.

I hope that you will find love for yourself and find a way to laugh again. It is better than a magic wand!

Freedom1990

This spoke volumes to me and brought back so many memories of the years with my EXAH.

There was nothing left in that household in the end but resentment, fear, anger, and anxiety. I had forgotten how to laugh.

I am so incredibly grateful that I no longer live that way.

Ago

Take out EXAH and put in family/XAGF and it's me.

By the time I left I was nothing but a bitter ball of anger and blame

It took me 6 months before I could even begin to think clearly without my eyeballs spinning in my head and not get myself all worked up if the subject was even brought up

"How's your mom?"

GodammittohellthatF'ingbish&%$#$#@#@$&^$%$#$#@#$@^ $#@!!!!!!!

I need to remember what that was like, and how far I have come in under a year when I start with the whole "I should be further along"

FunnyOne

Well, I guess that's why they say take what you need and leave the rest. In some situations, humor is a good thing. In this one, maybe you should have gone to the market and picked up a big chunk of a baseball bat to smack him over the head.....

My STBXR?AH has a bald spot on the crown of his head. He would have his nightly bombs, I would feed him a wonderful organic home cooked meal, he would get up, fart, and go sit on a chair in front of the tv. Now I can see that chair and it is in the direct line of my vision from the sink to the tv. I was drying a frying pan and thinking to myself, you know, this frying pan is the same diameter of my zoned out or passed out husbands bald spot...what a perfect target and better use for this frying pan than "servicing" him with using it to cook veal scallopini. I imagined hitting him right in his target bald spot with the frying pan...BULLSEYE!!!!...then I put it away in the cabinet. The comic relief I got from the imaginary pummelling, now that right thar was funny to me!

Broken22

OMG FunnyOne, Thank you.

bluejay6

The ODAT can be like a well-meaning friend saying the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time.

Today's reading for someone in crisis would have been completely inappropriate and invalidating.

So sweetie, go to the index and find a daily reading that speaks to your pain and frustration. xx

naive

let's see...there must be something funny here...

today's odat says, in part: "...humor smooths out the rough spots in our communication with each other."

so, the other person you want to communicate with is passed out cold. hmm...guess he's not going to be a great conversationalist, eh?

what would the conversation be like:

you: hi honey, i'm home.
him:
you: tough day at work but i had a good day. you?
him:
you: well, i see you're quite busy with your plans for the evening. how's the party going?
him:
you: i've decided i'm going to move on with my life without you, unless you have an objection?
him:
you: great. i'm so glad you agree.

freya

Yeah, ODAT can be archaic, misogynistic and very, very condenscending at times. So, when I'm in a p*ssy mood and know that I'm going to looking for any and every excuse to get stuck on and p*ssed off about the surface historical limitations of the text instead of looking for the underlying, more important and valid "message," I just read from Courage to Change or Hope for Today instead. I find that how I react to stuff like this is usually a lot more about me and where I'm at than about the text itself...but still, no reason to give myself an excuse to be even more p*ssy!

freya

Broken22

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am so glad I found this site. You guys blow my mind. Everyone is so articulate and so smart.