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Do you ever ask "Why Me?"

Old 06-12-2009, 11:36 AM
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Do you ever ask "Why Me?"

I have to admit. I do. I find myself asking that question so often. Sometimes, I feel like the only one that is dealing with this junk... then I come here, and I see that I am by far, not alone in my situation!

There is a lady that I worked with for the last 7 years (we were co-workers until my layoff in January) and she is one of those people who have an incredibly smooth life. Nice normal husband, she likes her inlaws, her parents like her husband, they all celebrate holidays together. Things in her life are always smooth - she never has had any bad things happen in her life. She's a good worker, dependable, her husband has a great job.

One day she remarked to me "You sure have a lot of bad things happening to you. Seems like more than your fair share." My response was "enjoy your crisis-free life, as sooner or later everyone has unpleasant things happen... I'm just on a roll right now with a bunch of bad stuff."

And, so it seems... if it wasn't something with my X, it was those annoyances in life...a major car breakdown, a flooded basement... I could go on and on. Truth is I have had a lot. Honestly, sometimes I feel cursed!

Truth is everyone has problems, some more than others...but it has a way of coming around.

I like to think that those of us who have had alcoholism to deal with in our lives, are stronger people. We've had to be strong and seasoned to live through it. People who know me always say "you are so very strong."

Huh. Sometimes I don't know if that is a blessing or a curse. I'm still trying to figure it all out.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:46 AM
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Hi Trying. There is so much on my plate right now it is falling off, you know what I mean? But instead of asking Why me? I keep saying Why not me. I don't ever wonder why someone has everything going for them, because at one time my life on the outside, everything looked great but it was inside that was in complete disarray. I mean that what was portrayed to others "Everything was great in my life" but in reality it really wasn't. So you see only what someone wants you to see.
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Old 06-12-2009, 12:28 PM
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No, I don't. I ask, "Why am I so stupid", or "What do I need to do to insure I make good decisions", or "Why do I put myself in these situations".

Many things are out of our control, job layoffs for one - but the main stresses in my life have been caused (in retrospect) by my own stupidity.
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Old 06-12-2009, 12:56 PM
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I just bumped a thread I started last year. I was going to reply, but most of what I wanted to say is in that thread. Especially post #5. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1715561

L
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:16 PM
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Yes. Read my post today.

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Old 06-12-2009, 01:29 PM
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No, I have learned that each of these things that happen to me are a message from my HP.

Alcoholism was put into my life for a reason. I am a way better person for having to have dealt with this disease. I have learned things about myself and changed in ways I never would have had it not been for my AH's disease.

And to echo Anvilhead a little...I deal with situations differently now. My car was hit a few weeks ago. Now before my recovery, I probably would have been mad! But I simply told the women who hit me, not to worry these things happen to all of us. I could of let it consume me and could of worried all day and night about the insurance company and been po'd when they gave me the wrong rental car. BUT I have a program and no longer do I worry about these little things. I know that good or bad, my HP gives me thiese situations for a reason. I may not always know the reason, but I do trust that HP will work them out
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:43 PM
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I don't any more, but I used to. In fact, I was world-class.

But I no longer believe that there's somebody picking and choosing who has a good life and who doesn't. I can easily connect almost everything that goes wrong in my life with some choice I made somewhere along the line. Something I could've done -- and next time WILL do -- differently, whether it's not replacing my aging car radiator, bringing on health problems by gaining too much weight, or allowing toxic people in my life. I try really hard to fix them, step by painful step, so they don't come back to bite me again.

Then there are things like dumb luck...a friend was walking on the sidewalk and was hit by a bicyclist. Stuff like that. Still, "why me" seems kinda pointless. It just...you know...happened.

So when people look at me and think my life looks great from the outside, and think it's because I'm "lucky", it's because they don't see the hard work I'm doing to fix each thing as it arises, and learn from it, and stay balanced and happy. I feel a little discounted.

That said, I personally love going into "Whiner's Anonymous" in the newcomers area and just reading people feeling better by getting it off their chests. Even just reading their rules gives me a smile: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2253166 It's funny and sad and empowering all at the same time....but mostly funny
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:00 PM
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Oh I am a Whiner Anonymous for sure LOL

Many ppl including my therapist tell me my life seems so perfect and wonderful, my main question is "why don't I feel I deserve peace and joy in my life? where is the constant boycott coming from? why is this very moment NOT ENOUGH?"
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Old 06-12-2009, 03:05 PM
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I don't mean to make your thread about me, but the truth is I have had some real loss to deal with in a very short period of time, my brother and dad died, my mom brain dead and my sister impaired and losing battle to brain cancer. One major tradgedy a year for four years. During this time my daughter and my husband were careening in their respective diseases. Also, the normal things of life and raising three teens, and facing two job losses due to the companies folding. My friends call my life a full catastrophe. None of these things were self created obviously (except maybe the teens...not totally by myself! hee hee) People cross the street when they see me because they don't want to "catch" it.

I wasn't extraordinary in my handling of this, but how did I keep what little sanity I have left? I concentrated on the real catastrophies in life, the war in Iraq, the Tsunami, the Jews in concentration camps, etc and I always found somebody that had it worse than me. I also stayed glued to my gratitude journal even though some days the only entry was "thankful for the fact I didn't fall over from exhaustion."
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:30 PM
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I ask it all the time. I don't think its a good thing. Its one of the things I hope recovery helps me with.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:25 PM
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I don't ask "why me" - I just call myself the Murphy's Law poster child LOL
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