Does this rejection letter sound like a kick in the teeth? or fair?
I grew my wings to fly...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
Does this rejection letter sound like a kick in the teeth? or fair?
Here goes..
I had/have this person who I haven't even met personally and they are pushing for a relationship. This is the email that I sent to them. Do any of you think it was too abrasive? I see so many red flags while talking to this person, and I have told them several times that I am not interested in an intimate relationship. I offered up friendship, but it is still over the top.
To: XXXX
I appreciate your emails. I am fine with the kids moving in, I have plenty of room. It is just hectic and I like my space. I am excited about going back to college, yes. I am not excited about my kids being here, and me being where I will go to college. Regarding relationships. I have decided that I am not going to venture into any relationship at this time in my life. I need to concentrate on my law studies. I understand that you are lonely, and yes I do know that I would be a 'good catch', but in reality my tolerance for men is at a low. You said you had an interest in a woman in Utah, put your efforts into her. I am sure you would be a great husband for someone, for someone who isn't wanting to take the world by the balls and do all that I can do. I have been a wife, mother, and partner since I was 15, I think it is time for me to be with me. It has been a year since I have been alone and I am liking it more and more. The x boyfriend has also asked to come back, and I told him no. The emails you write are very over the top emotionally, you don't even know me and we have only talked a few times and you are saying you have fallen for me. That is a lot all at once. I can't even accept the man that I do love, since I was 14, back into my life let alone 'fall' for someone else. I need to clean out my 'closets' and reassess things before I decide, if I ever decide if a relationship is for me ever again. Many people define themselves by the relationship they are in, I use to. Now I define myself by who I am. Maybe I am avoiding relationships, but that is a choice I am making for myself. Its not that I lack suitors, it's that I lack the heart to put the effort that is required into a relationship. I would have liked to have kept a friendship with you, but I fear you are reading into my intentions, or the meaning of 'friendship' too much. I know you said you would wait years, but the reality of the situation is... how many 'years' do we all really have. I know you WANT a relationship, so waiting for someone you don't know is really building up an unnecessary fantasy. I do wish you luck in your search for your perfect mate.
Signed me...
I am REALLY not ready for a relationship!!. I have learnt that over the months. I don't know that I was ready for the last relationship with the AXBF, but he was my HS sweetheart and I WANTED it, and we all know at times we want things that aren't good for us.
If this email was too crass, please let me know. I am just moving forward and trying to discard baggage as I go along. (but not trying to dump my baggage onto someone else along the way)
I had/have this person who I haven't even met personally and they are pushing for a relationship. This is the email that I sent to them. Do any of you think it was too abrasive? I see so many red flags while talking to this person, and I have told them several times that I am not interested in an intimate relationship. I offered up friendship, but it is still over the top.
To: XXXX
I appreciate your emails. I am fine with the kids moving in, I have plenty of room. It is just hectic and I like my space. I am excited about going back to college, yes. I am not excited about my kids being here, and me being where I will go to college. Regarding relationships. I have decided that I am not going to venture into any relationship at this time in my life. I need to concentrate on my law studies. I understand that you are lonely, and yes I do know that I would be a 'good catch', but in reality my tolerance for men is at a low. You said you had an interest in a woman in Utah, put your efforts into her. I am sure you would be a great husband for someone, for someone who isn't wanting to take the world by the balls and do all that I can do. I have been a wife, mother, and partner since I was 15, I think it is time for me to be with me. It has been a year since I have been alone and I am liking it more and more. The x boyfriend has also asked to come back, and I told him no. The emails you write are very over the top emotionally, you don't even know me and we have only talked a few times and you are saying you have fallen for me. That is a lot all at once. I can't even accept the man that I do love, since I was 14, back into my life let alone 'fall' for someone else. I need to clean out my 'closets' and reassess things before I decide, if I ever decide if a relationship is for me ever again. Many people define themselves by the relationship they are in, I use to. Now I define myself by who I am. Maybe I am avoiding relationships, but that is a choice I am making for myself. Its not that I lack suitors, it's that I lack the heart to put the effort that is required into a relationship. I would have liked to have kept a friendship with you, but I fear you are reading into my intentions, or the meaning of 'friendship' too much. I know you said you would wait years, but the reality of the situation is... how many 'years' do we all really have. I know you WANT a relationship, so waiting for someone you don't know is really building up an unnecessary fantasy. I do wish you luck in your search for your perfect mate.
Signed me...
I am REALLY not ready for a relationship!!. I have learnt that over the months. I don't know that I was ready for the last relationship with the AXBF, but he was my HS sweetheart and I WANTED it, and we all know at times we want things that aren't good for us.
If this email was too crass, please let me know. I am just moving forward and trying to discard baggage as I go along. (but not trying to dump my baggage onto someone else along the way)
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Freebird, I'm a little uncomfortable replying to your post and I'm not sure why. I'll think about it later... I don't know any of the background here at all.
Have you seen previous posts where they say that No is a complete sentence? You're explaining yourself way too much here. Why should you care about hurting someone who has come on way too strong (a big red flag) too fast? Keep it simple. Your few sentences after the 'signed me' bit sounds just about right especially since they haven't taken No for an answer before! Remember, you can't control what others think about you and you are not responsible for their feelings.
Protect yourself.
Have you seen previous posts where they say that No is a complete sentence? You're explaining yourself way too much here. Why should you care about hurting someone who has come on way too strong (a big red flag) too fast? Keep it simple. Your few sentences after the 'signed me' bit sounds just about right especially since they haven't taken No for an answer before! Remember, you can't control what others think about you and you are not responsible for their feelings.
Protect yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
seems perfect to me but I am frequently wrong
As a male I would find this open, frank, and honest communication refreshing, I mean the email leaves no doubt where you stand and it explains it using "I" messages
I like it
As a male I would find this open, frank, and honest communication refreshing, I mean the email leaves no doubt where you stand and it explains it using "I" messages
I like it
I grew my wings to fly...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
bookwyrm, thank you for your post. At my age it is not that I feel the need to explain so much as I feel that even the people that have a big red flag covering their body deserves the respect of a clear answer. Although NO, is pretty clear, but NO could mean to some.. does she mean NO right NOW? or NO for TODAY, or NO for the next YEAR?. This person said they would wait 5 years or more for me to get my life together. I wanted to make it PLAIN that my NO means I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP, MAYBE NEVER. So, this is why I went in depth. BUT, I do understand where you are coming from. Thank you.
Ago, thank you for your input from a mans perspective.
Ago, thank you for your input from a mans perspective.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi freebird,
I think you should say whatever helps YOU to say.
I've gotten very minimalist in my correspondence lately, and am happy to write that "I am not interested in a relationship with you. Please stop contacting me" without an indictment of someone else's way of 'doing' relationships. There may be women who are crazy about someone being over-emotional all over them. It's not me, though
But if it helps you to be clearer and more descriptive, who am I to judge? Maybe it's part of your healing & personal clarity to articulate those things.
My only concern might be that you have given him plenty of fodder to come back and say, "I can change those things! You have judged me unfairly!" The advantage of leaving those parts out is that you don't give a manipulative personality any place to grab onto them and use them to continue the argument.
You might also consider closing it with what you want him to do, or not do, from here on out (i.e. "don't contact me" if that's what you want)
But that's just me. Glad you're taking care of yourself -- it's good to see!!
I think you should say whatever helps YOU to say.
I've gotten very minimalist in my correspondence lately, and am happy to write that "I am not interested in a relationship with you. Please stop contacting me" without an indictment of someone else's way of 'doing' relationships. There may be women who are crazy about someone being over-emotional all over them. It's not me, though
But if it helps you to be clearer and more descriptive, who am I to judge? Maybe it's part of your healing & personal clarity to articulate those things.
My only concern might be that you have given him plenty of fodder to come back and say, "I can change those things! You have judged me unfairly!" The advantage of leaving those parts out is that you don't give a manipulative personality any place to grab onto them and use them to continue the argument.
You might also consider closing it with what you want him to do, or not do, from here on out (i.e. "don't contact me" if that's what you want)
But that's just me. Glad you're taking care of yourself -- it's good to see!!
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
You go girl...I say hoorah for the honesty and he11 yeah! Its about time these guys realize you ain't fallin for their malarky about loving ya in a week...It is a bit wordy but I think the letter is intended for your ex...not some poor new guy trying to hook ya...but still very strong and powerful I like the attitude...
Su**endering...
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 102
"I am REALLY not ready for a relationship!"
That really says it all right there. Your post makes that statement abundantly clear. I'm not sure much more needs to be communicated. Remember, you cannot be responsible for how the other person reacts to your message.
That really says it all right there. Your post makes that statement abundantly clear. I'm not sure much more needs to be communicated. Remember, you cannot be responsible for how the other person reacts to your message.
I grew my wings to fly...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
Well, I sent the e-mail and got a response back. If it wasn't full of swearing and manipulation, I would post a part of it. It was very vulgar and I am Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........... happy that my RED FLAG radar is working like a charm!. If it wasn't for this site, I would still be stumbling around and letting people like this come into my life. Gosh, I am soooooo...... happy with myself right now I could dance! Wait, I am going to dance! I avoided another person like the last 2 relationships I was in (with the XH, and AXBF).
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by FreeBird09 
Well, I sent the e-mail and got a response back. If it wasn't full of swearing and manipulation, I would post a part of it. It was very vulgar and I am Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........... happy that my RED FLAG radar is working like a charm!. If it wasn't for this site, I would still be stumbling around and letting people like this come into my life. Gosh, I am soooooo...... happy with myself right now I could dance! Wait, I am going to dance! I avoided another person like the last 2 relationships I was in (with the XH, and AXBF).
Woot
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by FreeBird09
If it wasn't for this site, I would still be stumbling around and letting people like this come into my life. Gosh, I am soooooo...... happy with myself right now I could dance! Wait, I am going to dance! I avoided another person like the last 2 relationships I was in (with the XH, and AXBF).
Dancin' with ya, bird. Way to go.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by anvilhead
see? there's that NO test again.....wanna know how sincere somebody really is??? tell em NO, and then stand back...so this "prince" went from professing undying love to calling you every name in the book in the space of HOW long????
is there a back flip smilie? cuz i wanna do backflips and cartwheels for ya!!!
is there a back flip smilie? cuz i wanna do backflips and cartwheels for ya!!!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Have you read Asterix? the stories are so funny and full of irony... when a character wants something, there are colorful flowers around the balloon where they talk...TOTALLY FAKE KINDNESS.. and the very next image, when someone says, NO, the character is usually red and screaming!! LOL
How old is he, like, 6 GOOD RADAR!!! I say: block his email address...
How old is he, like, 6
GOOD RADAR!!! I say: block his email address...
I grew my wings to fly...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
In a matter of 1 email this guy did an about face!. I had spoken to him on the phone one time prior and told him I wasn't interested and he then emailed his loving words.
Quote from him, prior to me sending the email I posted here and AFTER I had told him that I wasn't interested via telephone. "Approximately one week ago, something extraordinary happened. Something that I had not felt in a long, long time. I fell in love again with a woman, and I was in Heaven for the second time in 28 years. A woman I had never even met, except in pictures and in the spoken word. Your voice sounded so melodious, so angelic, like a chorus singing down from Heaven itself, and felt I myself was in Paradise once again. We've never met, but I KNOW we will. Just a matter of time."
This is why I freaked out. This was WAY off base,. I blocked him in all ways. Thank God he don't have my phone number!!. I took his, and never gave him mine. ;-)
Thank you everyone for your support.
Quote from him, prior to me sending the email I posted here and AFTER I had told him that I wasn't interested via telephone. "Approximately one week ago, something extraordinary happened. Something that I had not felt in a long, long time. I fell in love again with a woman, and I was in Heaven for the second time in 28 years. A woman I had never even met, except in pictures and in the spoken word. Your voice sounded so melodious, so angelic, like a chorus singing down from Heaven itself, and felt I myself was in Paradise once again. We've never met, but I KNOW we will. Just a matter of time."
This is why I freaked out. This was WAY off base,. I blocked him in all ways. Thank God he don't have my phone number!!. I took his, and never gave him mine. ;-)
Thank you everyone for your support.
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