Is it really that peaceful?
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Is it really that peaceful?
ABF decided to go out of town for a few days. He hasn't been gone but a couple of hours, and I normally wouldn't see him all day outside of a brief few minutes at lunch.
So why do I feel so different then? I've been almost gleefully happy. I wasn't here when he left and when I drove up and saw his car gone, I got goosebumps.
He's been out of town before, but that was over a year ago. The last trip he made was only for a day and I didn't feel at all different then.
I did make a point of not getting involved in his travel plans outside of the airline ticket since the accounts are in my name. He was rather confused about how to get himself to the airport, pack his clothes etc, but I helf firm, and, I didn't offer up my usual mothering and do it all for him.
Maybe my mood has to do with staying on my side of the street for once?
Maybe this is HP's way of telling me that leaving and having a life of my own would be an emotional rebirth after all instead of a trip to lonelyville.
Is it really this peaceful when they take their drama elsewhere or is it just having a moment to myself that feels different?
Alice
So why do I feel so different then? I've been almost gleefully happy. I wasn't here when he left and when I drove up and saw his car gone, I got goosebumps.
He's been out of town before, but that was over a year ago. The last trip he made was only for a day and I didn't feel at all different then.
I did make a point of not getting involved in his travel plans outside of the airline ticket since the accounts are in my name. He was rather confused about how to get himself to the airport, pack his clothes etc, but I helf firm, and, I didn't offer up my usual mothering and do it all for him.
Maybe my mood has to do with staying on my side of the street for once?
Maybe this is HP's way of telling me that leaving and having a life of my own would be an emotional rebirth after all instead of a trip to lonelyville.
Is it really this peaceful when they take their drama elsewhere or is it just having a moment to myself that feels different?
Alice
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Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Is there a selection marked "E. All of the above" ? 
That would get my vote. Especially the last....after the initial shock of having to move, I became almost deliriously happy to be free of the stress, which I'd gotten SO used to....well, I won't go there.
Enjoy this time, alice. Learn all there is to learn from it (this is a great insightful start!!!
)
You deserve it.
That would get my vote. Especially the last....after the initial shock of having to move, I became almost deliriously happy to be free of the stress, which I'd gotten SO used to....well, I won't go there.
Enjoy this time, alice. Learn all there is to learn from it (this is a great insightful start!!!
)You deserve it.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Enjoy the few days of reprieve that you have from the ABF!
You mentioned "lonelyville"... I often wondered about that... if I'd be lonely.
I realized I was already lonely with my AH in my life. There have been a few times since he's been gone that I have felt lonely - but NOT for him! LOL!
When I have those lonely feelings, I get out and be with other people... sometimes I have to push myself to go, but when I have, I'm glad I did it!
All in all, I think the loneliness I was feeling was due in part to an inner loneliness. I missed myself, and who I use to be. I'm busy reclaiming that now. :-)
You mentioned "lonelyville"... I often wondered about that... if I'd be lonely.
I realized I was already lonely with my AH in my life. There have been a few times since he's been gone that I have felt lonely - but NOT for him! LOL!
When I have those lonely feelings, I get out and be with other people... sometimes I have to push myself to go, but when I have, I'm glad I did it!
All in all, I think the loneliness I was feeling was due in part to an inner loneliness. I missed myself, and who I use to be. I'm busy reclaiming that now. :-)
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Thank you all for the words of encouragement!
You know, I now how those who have separated themselves from the whirlwind created by alcoholism that try to respond to those still living within the chaos can be so frustrated.
You try to tell us how we may not be seeing the damage being done around us and how living with an active addict is not worth whatever upside we are seeing. Still we press on trying to understand our love one's addiction and deal with the roller coaster of emotions we feel. All the while we can't tell just how hot the water has gotten in the pot until we jump out and cool off.
Just having some quality time out of the pot is a revelation.
You know, I now how those who have separated themselves from the whirlwind created by alcoholism that try to respond to those still living within the chaos can be so frustrated.
You try to tell us how we may not be seeing the damage being done around us and how living with an active addict is not worth whatever upside we are seeing. Still we press on trying to understand our love one's addiction and deal with the roller coaster of emotions we feel. All the while we can't tell just how hot the water has gotten in the pot until we jump out and cool off.
Just having some quality time out of the pot is a revelation.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
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Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice 
Is it really this peaceful when they take their drama elsewhere or is it just having a moment to myself that feels different?
Peace and serenity.....that is what I feel now. I hope you use this time to gain all the clarity you need to get some of that peace for yourself permanently.......whether that means accepting what is or changing it into what can be.
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I told my best friend on the phone that I was giddy after he left today. She said she thought that was very sad and it did not look good for the chance of salvaging our relationship.
I told her that I don't really see it that way. I certainly have not felt giddy in the past when he has traveled before. I believe the circumstances this time are different. He will be with friends who aren't heavy drinkers. He won't be alone. Someone will be taking care of him and sending him home in only a couple of days so there's nothing to stress over. It's the lack of stress and eggshells at home for sure, but it's also the lack of worry about him that puts me at ease.
Alice
I told her that I don't really see it that way. I certainly have not felt giddy in the past when he has traveled before. I believe the circumstances this time are different. He will be with friends who aren't heavy drinkers. He won't be alone. Someone will be taking care of him and sending him home in only a couple of days so there's nothing to stress over. It's the lack of stress and eggshells at home for sure, but it's also the lack of worry about him that puts me at ease.
Alice
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