brundle

Hi everyone I am the 22 year old daughter of Brundle I guess JR Brundle LOL. My mom told me about this sight because what is the worse thing that can happen to the daughter of a women living with an Ah I dated an A. I met my A at work he is a tech aid in the ER. He is much older then me he is 50 yes I know way to old what was I thinking I have heard it all. I fell for him because he made me feel like a queen in a time when I felt alone. So we got involved and then slowly but surly his lies came full circle. I had told him how my step-dad is an A and my grandmother is an A and my real dad was once into drugs and I have not talk to him since our big fight in 2004. I had warned him I didn't want to be with someone who was an A and I fell for "Baby I am not an A I don't event hardly drink". Well that was a load of CRAP!!! Only a few short weeks of dating I found him getting sloshed every night like passing out on his couch or in his car.... I confronted him and he said he didn't have a problem so what do I do I stayed and I could kick myself in my you know what for not saying "SEEE YA". O it gets better I found out he had been in jail for many years crime still unknown and he lost his driving privileges and a month of house arrest do to a "DUI" or so he said. I later found he was really not only charged with just a DUI but with also giving drinks to under-aged girls... So now I am pissed at myself for falling for someone I was trying to avoid... At this time I still thought he was only 40 years old as he told me he was. I felt like the biggest loser (Not like the TV show) giving my virginity to him and just falling for him.... So I did dump him about two months ago and have lost 35 pounds life seeming fine I can go through the day with out wanting to txt him all the time. Out of the blue he starts up again saying stuff like "I didn't mean to bail on you" then going right into "I should have asked you to stay the night so you didn't have to drive 1 hour and 15mins home from work"... I am looking at my phone like what the HELLL kicked him in the butt to make him start his nice phase...... The problem I am finding is that it is easy to tell myself he is bad news just stay clear when the rest of me is going O he wants to introduce me to his daughters maybe he does care and bla, bla, bla... To be 100% truthful I don't want anything to do with him yet I find it so easy to go back to him WHY CAN'T I JUST STAY AWAY OR JUST LET GO??????>_< I feel so confused is it a control thing or just because it is for-miller to me??? Please help any advice is good advice…..


Thanks Brundle JR

Freedom1990

Welcome, Brundle Jr!

We tend to gravitate towards the familiar for sure. God knows after I left the AH, I still continued to seek unhealthy relationships for 13 long years.

What helped me was finally admitting I was broken inside, and I wanted to fix it. It's an inside job! An excellent starter book is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. For you I would also recommend "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood (a real eye opener for me).

Alanon is also an excellent resource to work on yourself and learn to develop healthy patterns in your life.

You might also want to consider setting up a new account for yourself here at SR! Welcome, and I hope you continue to post! :ghug

FunnyOne

I was young like you and fell for the whole nine yards, but I realized too far into the relationship that I confused his need for his love. He needed me, I loved him. Dig deep into your soul and ask yourself if you are lonely, in need of being needed or being loved. Passing out on the couch every night doesn't sound like love to me!

Daisy30

Hi! Welcome!! Brundle Jr.

I have to say your story, made me think this in my head; "RUN!!!! RUN FAST!!!"

There are a lot of red flags in what you wrote about your XABF that have nothing to do with alcoholism at all.

Do you really want to be with someone who lies to you? Has been arrested for buying alcohol for minors (and who knows what else cause he won't tell you)?

The reason they start the Mr. Nice guy stuff is b/c they feel you pulling away, it is to trap you in the cycle. Please do not get trapped.

Let me tell you a little bit about what has helped me and what I have been through,

Recently I came to the realization that every guy I have dated has addiction issues. WOW It took me this long to figure it out....
Boyfriend in HS.....yep (although I was lied to about it...hmmm imagine that an addict lying) and he had control issues, and when I finally got up the nreve to dump him, He STALKED ME

College boyfriend....yep! He was actually a drug dealer and I had no idea until I was well "sucked" into the relationsship. He had addiction issues and he was abusive.

I said to myself after that....never again! I will be very careful who I date.

So I get married and a few years in to the marriage....GUESS WHAT, yep he is an A too. We are now seperated. I thought I was being SO selective too! He had a good job, nice house, was so very good to me, etc....but I only saw what I allowed myself to see.

So what have I learned, what have I realized is, for 1 I am good at picking out the A's in a room BUT also that there were somethings in ME that needed to change.
What helps me; Going to Al-anon, Educating myself about addiction, going to a counselor, examining myself and why I accept unacceptable behavior, Reading Language of letting go, and posting here.

You are so young, I just wanted to show you that UNTIL we do something to help ourselves, we most likely will kep putting ourselves back into unhealthy relationships

brundle

Thank you so much everyone so far has been great.. I am not just saying that more then just you guys here have told me I should work on myself before I get involved with any one else... I think they are right I am lonely, have been sexual attacked (Thank god nothing really bad ever happened) three times in my life... I have forgiveness problems with my real dad and anger problems with my step-dad.... I think there is some bitterness witch I have been working on along with my anger... So any book that might help would be wonderful to know about......


Thanks again

Brundle JR

:ghug