is this really happening?
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
In my case the counselor has not much experience with addictions, but I have found this is good for me because we cannot go on talking about them - and the focus is on ME, MY past before ex AH, MY present with new guy, how health and healthy relationships look like, how a fulfilled life is lived, etc etc. 
By now I think I would be able to teach HER about addictions/codieness, LOL and tell her she is speaking with the Codie Queen.
All the best Romey!!
By now I think I would be able to teach HER about addictions/codieness, LOL and tell her she is speaking with the Codie Queen.
All the best Romey!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 56
reading all of these stories and words of encouragement is really helpful to me right now..so thank you!
I am beginning to realize that I have more to deal with for myself than I actually ever believed. I didn't know there was a program for those of us living with A's, x or current. I never dreamed that the feelings and emotions I've experienced throughout this nightmare were common, but were also not OK. I've ignored the pain for years, and made excuses for him in order to keep my relationship alive. Of course, now I see that it wasn't possible to do, and I wish I had faced him and myself alot sooner.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I am beginning to realize that I have more to deal with for myself than I actually ever believed. I didn't know there was a program for those of us living with A's, x or current. I never dreamed that the feelings and emotions I've experienced throughout this nightmare were common, but were also not OK. I've ignored the pain for years, and made excuses for him in order to keep my relationship alive. Of course, now I see that it wasn't possible to do, and I wish I had faced him and myself alot sooner.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
The important thing is that you are doing it NOW and not on your deathbed so there is a lot of hope for the future as you build your new self !!
Romey... what are you doing for your anger? I am taking Latin rhythms dance lessons, are you doing some exercise to get it out?
I am very lazy but my poor stomach resents everything I feel, its not fair to my body to store it all for SOMEONE ELSE'S mistakes (not to mention my own).. and btw looking better is good for self esteem
As another poster called anvilhead says, "it was never your job to prevent this" so stop beating yourself up. Its easy to look back now, huh, but THEN you did not have the same info. you did all you could, you did your best.
so there is a lot of hope for the future as you build your new self !!Romey... what are you doing for your anger? I am taking Latin rhythms dance lessons, are you doing some exercise to get it out?
I am very lazy but my poor stomach resents everything I feel, its not fair to my body to store it all for SOMEONE ELSE'S mistakes (not to mention my own).. and btw looking better is good for self esteem
As another poster called anvilhead says, "it was never your job to prevent this" so stop beating yourself up. Its easy to look back now, huh, but THEN you did not have the same info. you did all you could, you did your best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 56
I am an active and competitive volleyball player, and since we broke up I've been playing at least 4 times a week..until last week when I came down on someones foot and totally sprained my ankle. Until that heals, I cannot play. I didn't realize how much frustration was released during exercise until now. I intend to take my bike out on the bike paths this weekend though. I 'm hoping my ankle won't be too sore afterwards.
I've lost about 10 pounds since we split, so thats a huge positive and it feels good! I do have A LOT of anger issues right now, but am doing what I can to release them in the appropriate ways.
I've lost about 10 pounds since we split, so thats a huge positive and it feels good! I do have A LOT of anger issues right now, but am doing what I can to release them in the appropriate ways.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Oh a thought about anger 
I had a TON of it! I thought flames were shooting out of my head.....but then I wise person told me something like this,
"When I feel anger it is usually because I am refusing to accept something about a particular situation."
So now when this emotion comes up, I have to ask myself, "What are you refusing to accept about this"? In the beginning it was that my AH was actually an A. Once I accepted that he was an A and was going to act like an A it made things a lot easier and the anger went away.
I have used this in many other situations too! Many of them had nothing to do with my AH
I had a TON of it! I thought flames were shooting out of my head.....but then I wise person told me something like this,
"When I feel anger it is usually because I am refusing to accept something about a particular situation."
So now when this emotion comes up, I have to ask myself, "What are you refusing to accept about this"? In the beginning it was that my AH was actually an A. Once I accepted that he was an A and was going to act like an A it made things a lot easier and the anger went away.
I have used this in many other situations too! Many of them had nothing to do with my AH
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