Mental manipulation of an alcoholic
 

My exah is amazing. He has devasted me and my children more than once. He is still drinking and still with many women.

Over the weekend he was bombarding me with texts about someone he assumes I am seeing. I told him we were just friends but he doesn't buy it.

Anyway, he asked me if I could pick him up every Tuesday night from his DUI class? What? Is he kidding? He has had OW do it for a long time but she is gone. His latest woman he was involved with is married so I am sure her husband wouldn't understand. I didn't answer as I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

He got frustrated at my silence and told me "nevermind". I didn't answer and he sent it again. He said he is so upset that I have a happy relationship and I don't give a crap about him. He is trying to make things right but I want nothing to do with him....he baited me and I bit! I went off telling him how hurt I was by his drinking and cheating. He said he loved his family. The last thing I said was prove it with actions.

Never heard from him again last night.

So, my evaluation is he needs a ride. He needed to make me feel wanted to get me to do it. Its all ********. He very well may be upset that I am seeing someone (im really not and told him so) but not upset enough to get his **** together.

Man, they are manipulative!

People can't manipulate me unless I give them permission to so do. I see three options here for you:
1. Delete his text messages without reading them
2. Block his number from your phone
3. Continue engaging in crazymaking behavior by reading his text messages, eventually getting worked up enough to text him back

I wish I could delete without reading them. We have a baby together so I cannot cut off all contact. Texts have been how we communicate. I at least have to read them. Most of the time I answer about baby and forget the rest, but there are times where he gets to me and I fail.

My sister said he is noticing that I am perkier :). I have been so in the dumps lately that I have hardly gotten dressed. I am trying to get back to looking decent and good all the time. Exercising and eating better. Helps with my mental attitude. I am sure he notices. He even made a comment that I must be seeing someone because I can't go long without sex! Umm....I have a 14 month old who is my first priority. I didn't tell him that.

hi starting over-

good advice from freedom.

why don't you get a new cell phone number?

you know the score: he'll call you when he needs something.

When I separated from my husband, no contact was not an option due to our two children together. BUT, I had to have very firm boundaries in our conversations. I had to keep it ONLY about the children. Many times he tried to steer the conversation in other directions. I was the one who had to enforce my boundaries. Over and over. After a while, he knew I would 'have to go' if he went outside the limited allowable topics.

It's entirely up to you how you want this to go. From the tone of your post, I get the feeling you have not let go yet. You are still hoping he will change into the guy you want him to be. Until you are ready to let him go, the crazy-making will continue. Are you still snooping in his email too?

L

No, I haven't snooped in almost a week! Pretty proud of myself. Its really hard. Especially when he pulls the I love my family crap.

Maybe I haven't let go. There is still love for this guy. Why? I have no idea. I should hate him with every fiber of my being.

Then my next suggestion would be to tell him any communication about the baby will be via phone call, not text. Once he steers off the topic of the baby, 'click'. Hang up the phone. He knows you can't hang up on him if you two are communicating via text.

Don't respond to texts.

Lather, rinse, repeat. He'll get the message eventually you're not interested in the rest of the garbage, only matters concerning the baby.

Over the weekend he was bombarding me with texts about someone he assumes I am seeing. I told him we were just friends but he doesn't buy it.

Hi Starting, you do not have to justify yourself with him. Take the Hollywood star attitude "I won't discuss that". I agree if it is something important about the child, he will not text, he will call.

Letting go completely takes time, but you will make it, if you enforce the boundaries over and over as LTD says.

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. Also, you CAN let go of someone you love. In fact, it's often necessary. Especially when addiction is involved.

L

Word of advice...don't tell him about your life. He will twist it and use it against you.