TakingCharge999

livinfrme, I am not sure if you are a believer/ if you believe in God or a higher power of some kind. But all this makes sense. Honestly, as many people here know, an AH starting recovery is no fun to be around with. If he cannot be a dad now, well, his loss. I am glad you will be there watching your son, and I am glad he is no longer in jeopardy.

See? all these last events that made you angry worked out for the best. You sound so determined and strong, livinfrme, I know you will make it through all this, regardless of what AH does or doesn't do.

Give your son a hug from all us, will you ? And I hope you two enjoy this wonderful weekend!!

naive

lvngfrme-

it all sounds so familiar somehow...the lack of communication, the gas turned off, no bathing, wrong clothes....

what i find with my ABF is the simple, basic things that most people deal with, he doesn't deal with. everything can be dealt with tomorrow.

in of itself, none of these small items are critical. however, to me, they illustrate a basic attitude of carelessness. how many other things are not being dealt with that have not come to your attention?

his response about not being available on weekends because of his meetings is lame. how many of us get childcare so we can attend alanon or AA?

of course, we don't know everything about your situation, but if it was me, i'd pull in the reins until you are confident your A is on solid ground. too much is at risk with your wee boy.

naive

steve11694

his father is simply doing what addicts do. I doubt he has the ability to even be aware what he is doing is not coherent.

the best thing is not to get angry. if it were me i would see if drug testing him is possible via court order. i dont know if calmly and careingly pointing out to him what he is doing will have any effect as addicts hear what they want to hear if anything at all less booze calling his name. you can be sure he is "all ears" when booze is calling his name.

steve11694

Like trying to persuade a vampire not to cause pain and suffering.

a stake through the heart works wonders



only joking

livnfrme

Yes I don't think he has an understanding of what he is doing. He says he is working an honest program and whatever he has to do to stay sober and who get's hurt out of it is not of his concern. He comes back with a congratulations to me about getting my way where visitation is concerned. It is a battle to him between he and I. It is not about our son at all right now.

I will probably have angry feelings and that is okay, as long as they are processsed, dealt with and do not dictate how I handle the situation.

Drug testing is something I am very familiar with. It is hard to enforce, expensive and only available in another city about three hours drive from our city. I will add that to the list of options and see how that type of thing may fit in now and how that would look.

LucyA

I know what the thinking is about telling people what they should and shouldn't do or what should and shouldn't be. BUt this should in no way be a battle between you over your son. It takes two to have a battle, not just your AH, for it to be a battle you have to engage too.

The shirt part of your posts really got to me, because my nephews school had a uniform code, all blue and grey trousers. Sky blue polo shirts was the uniform, his dad used to send him in white ones because they were cheaper than the sky blue ones. It really got to Joe that he was different, a shirt can matter so much to a child!

I'm glad you seem to have decided not to leave your son with his dad for a week at a time, at six you have no idea what is or could be going on, no matter how well you know children, even your own. Kids are good at covering and knowing when somethings wrong and not to be talked about.

I send my best wishes to you livn, it's hard work being a lone parent, but it's worth it.