First night alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Thanks! I've been busy, in a good kind of way. T-ball practice, cooking, summer reading program at the library. I stepped back from contact with STBXAH for a couple days after getting sucked into the insanity. I was able to set my boundaries firmly in my mind, remain calm, and the last couple conversations have gone very well. He has one of the kiddos at his place tonight and they are getting up early for a fishing trip in the morning. He sounds sad, at times tearful, but FINALLY today admitted that this is real and there ain't no squirming his way out of it. His actions=his consequences.
I don't know if he will go back to drinking or not. How freeing to be able to say that and have not one bit of anxiety attached. He might, or he might not.....it makes about as much difference to me as whether he ever eats green beans again. I just may have to go back and read some of those old posts too!!
I don't know if he will go back to drinking or not. How freeing to be able to say that and have not one bit of anxiety attached. He might, or he might not.....it makes about as much difference to me as whether he ever eats green beans again. I just may have to go back and read some of those old posts too!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 125
Congratulations!
Blessed,
You did it. You've changed your life and your children's lives, for the better! That's extraordinary. They have a better chance at a healthier future.
Now - for what's next. Not falling for that expression. That face. The sadness and emptiness.
I am going to see my XABF tonight after work. He's going to pick up the rest of his stuff from my apartment. Oh-oh. I am sure he will have the same look. Being lost. Lost without me. Afraid. Lonely.
And who's fault is it?
Well, if you're talking to him, it's MY fault. If you're talking to me, it's his fault. Survey says: our lifestyles didn't match. End of it.
But it's not about being right or proving to him his ways are wrong. It's about moving forward and being at peace with the decision. Letting him go.
Pitying him from afar. Then moving on to having no opinion whatsoever. Just being independent of him. No wondering if he's working, what his schedule is, who he's calling, etc. That'll be tricky, but I can do it!
(A friend of mine told me the other day that all I'd been talking about during the conversation was how he was and how he'd do. I didn't think about how he'd treated me and the pain he caused me. I am important, and my pain is important enough for it to be ok for me to turn my back on his world, stop enabling him, stop worrying about him and move away from that ball of negative energy.)
7
READY!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!
You did it. You've changed your life and your children's lives, for the better! That's extraordinary. They have a better chance at a healthier future.
Now - for what's next. Not falling for that expression. That face. The sadness and emptiness.
I am going to see my XABF tonight after work. He's going to pick up the rest of his stuff from my apartment. Oh-oh. I am sure he will have the same look. Being lost. Lost without me. Afraid. Lonely.
And who's fault is it?
Well, if you're talking to him, it's MY fault. If you're talking to me, it's his fault. Survey says: our lifestyles didn't match. End of it.
But it's not about being right or proving to him his ways are wrong. It's about moving forward and being at peace with the decision. Letting him go.
Pitying him from afar. Then moving on to having no opinion whatsoever. Just being independent of him. No wondering if he's working, what his schedule is, who he's calling, etc. That'll be tricky, but I can do it!
(A friend of mine told me the other day that all I'd been talking about during the conversation was how he was and how he'd do. I didn't think about how he'd treated me and the pain he caused me. I am important, and my pain is important enough for it to be ok for me to turn my back on his world, stop enabling him, stop worrying about him and move away from that ball of negative energy.)
Stay Strong.
Stay out of the Rabbit Hole.
You can do it!
7READY!!
Last edited by ReadyToHelp; 06-04-2009 at 07:44 AM. Reason: correction
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