alcoholic father and money
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 38
alcoholic father and money
I am so tired of my dad asking me for money to buy his alcohol (wine/beer)! It bothers me how I can't defend why I don't want to give him my money because he doesn't care about what I have to say; especially when he has been drinking. When I tell my mom that he takes me money, she just gets upset and she can't really say anything to change his mind. She has told him more than once to leave my money alone. If I say no or question his reason for taking my money then he gets an attitude, and possibly threatens me for not giving it to him. He likes to take other peoples money, but when his needs to be used its a problem. It's like he thinks he has a right to all my stuff just because he is my father...
What should I do?
What should I do?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Are you a teenager? Are you old enough to make the choice to live with a friend or relative? You would be justified in living with someone safe, if you are old enough to make that choice. Let us know a little more, ok?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 38
I am a 19, and I currently live with both my parents. I am home on break from college so I don't really live with my parents anymore.
He threatens that he will beat my ass, which is a lie cause he has never put a hand on me and never will. Its the fact he feels he needs to verbally abuse me to get what he wants.
He threatens that he will beat my ass, which is a lie cause he has never put a hand on me and never will. Its the fact he feels he needs to verbally abuse me to get what he wants.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 38
& i don't have a job right now so i don't have an option of moving out. i feel there is no point being i'm only home on break for 3 months.
he says he is moving away for a job so hopefully that pulls through. that way i wont have to worry.
he says he is moving away for a job so hopefully that pulls through. that way i wont have to worry.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Your father is an alcoholic and a bully.
He is an abuser.
And your mother is so codependent she is unable to help you.
jtr, when you go back to school, my deepest wish for you is that you will go to the student counseling center and begin work with a counselor, work that lasts many months, to heal the trauma of being the daughter of an alcoholic.
Also, most colleges have an Al-Anon group meeting somewhere near campus. I attended a group at U of Oregon and it was fantastic. Very cool people, getting BETTER and STRONGER.
Stay close to us here if you need more talk and support. Open 24/7!! xo
He is an abuser.
And your mother is so codependent she is unable to help you.
jtr, when you go back to school, my deepest wish for you is that you will go to the student counseling center and begin work with a counselor, work that lasts many months, to heal the trauma of being the daughter of an alcoholic.
Also, most colleges have an Al-Anon group meeting somewhere near campus. I attended a group at U of Oregon and it was fantastic. Very cool people, getting BETTER and STRONGER.
Stay close to us here if you need more talk and support. Open 24/7!! xo
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
to heal the trauma of being the daughter of an alcoholic.
your mother is so codependent she is unable to help you.
JTR I am sorry you are going through this, we have suggested Alateen, I don't know what to say any more.
Is there any way you can get a job at school so stay away next semester?
Home doesn't appear very safe for you
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
He threatens that he will beat my ass,
Not always an empty threat from and active alcoholic. Do you think the first real physical assault will come with a memo attached? Be very careful!
Most of us that have lived with an A have learned to stash the cash. My wallet only had $2 and some change in it. Hard to get drunk on $2.
Not always an empty threat from and active alcoholic. Do you think the first real physical assault will come with a memo attached? Be very careful!
Most of us that have lived with an A have learned to stash the cash. My wallet only had $2 and some change in it. Hard to get drunk on $2.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 38
thanks for the advice
being home isn't unsafe its my dad that makes me and my mom question coming home if we know he has been drinking. when he drinks he complains about every little thing but its not like that always; he is mentally draining sometimes
he should be gone before the end of the year..hopefully, but he will definitely be moved out by the time i come home for summer next year.
being home isn't unsafe its my dad that makes me and my mom question coming home if we know he has been drinking. when he drinks he complains about every little thing but its not like that always; he is mentally draining sometimes
he should be gone before the end of the year..hopefully, but he will definitely be moved out by the time i come home for summer next year.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I grew up with two alcoholic parents, they were pretty sick and twisted in their drinking, priorities, etc.
Once I went to college I made sure that I was able to stay away from home all the time, I worked my ass off to save the money to do so. I also never ever kept money on me, like Pelican said .. just don't have money.. you don't have a job anyways
When I had to be home, I only slept in that house, I stayed away all the time, whether it was in a shopping mall, at a park, movie after movie, hanging at friends homes. I found that if I came home after 9 or 10pm, they were drunk enough already and usually passed out or oblivious to my return.
I'm sorry that your mom can't be your protector. That has to be devastating to you.. and it breaks my heart that even in your own 'home', you're not safe or protected.
You're 19, and fully capable of never being there again if it is in your best interest and safety's sake.. no longer a child, no longer needing to be dependent on your parents for anything if you choose.
Honestly, if your dad is intoxicated enough to threaten to harm you, call the cops. It's consequences that teach people life lessons sometimes, and by providing him money and non-reaction to physical threats, you could be on your way to some enabling behaviors of your own. You have already seen first hand how destructive that is to a person (your mom).
I hope you break free, and get the help you need, and in the mean time no more money to dad.. he threatens you, alert authorities, leave, something!
I'm glad you posted here, I know how lost and isolated I was.. thank goodness for the internet! Wasn't around when I was in my drunken house!
Once I went to college I made sure that I was able to stay away from home all the time, I worked my ass off to save the money to do so. I also never ever kept money on me, like Pelican said .. just don't have money.. you don't have a job anyways
When I had to be home, I only slept in that house, I stayed away all the time, whether it was in a shopping mall, at a park, movie after movie, hanging at friends homes. I found that if I came home after 9 or 10pm, they were drunk enough already and usually passed out or oblivious to my return.
I'm sorry that your mom can't be your protector. That has to be devastating to you.. and it breaks my heart that even in your own 'home', you're not safe or protected.
You're 19, and fully capable of never being there again if it is in your best interest and safety's sake.. no longer a child, no longer needing to be dependent on your parents for anything if you choose.
Honestly, if your dad is intoxicated enough to threaten to harm you, call the cops. It's consequences that teach people life lessons sometimes, and by providing him money and non-reaction to physical threats, you could be on your way to some enabling behaviors of your own. You have already seen first hand how destructive that is to a person (your mom).
I hope you break free, and get the help you need, and in the mean time no more money to dad.. he threatens you, alert authorities, leave, something!
I'm glad you posted here, I know how lost and isolated I was.. thank goodness for the internet! Wasn't around when I was in my drunken house!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I agree with flutter, enabling takes many forms.
Verbal threats always need to be taken seriously. I do not like the way you feel he is "under control". He is not - he is an active AH.
Please protect yourself!
Verbal threats always need to be taken seriously. I do not like the way you feel he is "under control". He is not - he is an active AH.
Please protect yourself!
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