FunnyOne

I was a product of the 50's and my parents were Italian immigrants.
Wine with meals was a staple and my Uncle owned a California vineyard so it was never in short supply. My father had one shot of scotch on the rocks almost every night and a glass of wine with his meal. Mom drank rarely. Nobody that I knew of in my family ever had "a problem" and I don't remember any drunks at Christmas, although I knew my neighbors went for "the cure".

I carried the same traditions into my marriage. Before the kids were born I saw some scary stuff in my husband, peeing out the window in his sleep, etc But after we had children I insisted we set a good example. My kids always were grateful that my husband and I were always responsible drinkers while their friends parents partied until the wee hours of the morning making fools of themselves. Even though I saw a huge escalation of alcoholic BEHAVIORS in my husband in the last 5 years, I didn't see a huge escalation in quantity. Emphasis on the didn't SEE part. I think he took it underground. But he also had elephant tolerance. That final three week binge was his first and it shocked me, totally zapped me off my balance.


My kids were blown away by their dad's admission that he was alcoholic and his trip to rehab. My 15 year old in particular was extremely confused about why his friends dad wasn't an alcoholic and his was. He was highly uncomfortable in situations where people were drinking.

It seems that he has the hardest time accepting the difference between the temporary personality changes and the more permanent behavioral changes. That's when I totally switched my parenting technique.

I broadened the spectrum of ism's, being careful to point out that the chemical isms can kill, impair, etc. He had learned all of that in school also. But I started talking more about the obbsessive drive to do anything...gaming, texting, etc to the point where you care about that more than your family, their feelings, etc. Explained the I in ism. I said that the BEHAVIORS need to be looked at, and if you find yourself thinking more about yourself and your needs even if what you are doing is hurting someone else...
And that has seemed to resonate with him, got him off of suggesting to his friends that their parents may be A or A's in waiting, etc.

At 3 am, I was racked with panic and never went back to sleep. What I have been saying might be age appropriate talk about healthy interpersonal relationships (with a teen boy you get soundbites and lose their attention if you start talking about warm fuzzy stuff) BUT, OH MY! "Think about others feelings more than your own," SHEESH did I set him up to be a codie. Luckily, I have some time to fix it, the Good Lord willing!

Any suggestions on keeping their attention while still getting the appropriate message through? My mom always preached "Everything in moderation" which worked for us, but now there is wayyyyy too much scary everything out there!

justanothrdrunk

How are you with the disease concept? The reason I ask is some people simply don't believe alcoholism is a disease.

And I don't want to derail your thread into a discussion about whether it is or isn't, so I'll try not to go there.

BUT - assuming you're okay with the disease concept (as am I)...

My son is only 3. But I'm already thinking in advance. And with the disease concept goes genetic predisposition. I can't remember the exact stats, but it's believed that my son has a much greater chance of becoming an A since I am one.

My planned approach, when the time is right, is to introduce the disease concept and explain to him that it's necessary for him to be extra careful due to his genetic predisposition.

I'll also throw in that, frankly, he's not missing much if he were to choose to abstain entirely through his adult life. And I plan on suggesting just that. Don't ever bother with it. It's not that exciting. There are no healthy benefits (none that can't be duplicated with other things). And it's just all about advertising and whatnot.

Anyway, long story short, I plan to go with the disease concept with my son.

FunnyOne

Personally, I'm ambivalent. I am a little wary because I have a friend that uses it as a defense, i.e. "You wouldn't be saying this if I had ________" I have always tried EMPOWER my children to do or not do what is best for them and the greater good.

LaTeeDa

That's just it. It's not about sacrificing your own needs to make others happy. It's also not about being selfish and disregarding others. If we teach our children to do what's best for themselves, it almost automatically follows that what they do will also be best for others. Personal responsibility leads to self worth, IMO.

L

TakingCharge999

I listened to Rodney Yee (the yoga instructor) say,

"We learned that people who dedicate their lives to service are selfless. In reality, they are the most selfish of all people. Nothing like serving another human being fulfills our spirit the most. So in reality, by serving others, you are serving yourself."

So "selfishness" becomes fraternity. I have a lot of respect for all of you, I do not have kids yet but I also hope if there is any lesson they can learn, I can teach them to be citizens of the world and always be respectful of themselves and others...

FunnyOne

Ohhh Mother Theresa is rolling in her grave....LOL