one very late night
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
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one very late night
Dust is just settling at 11:30 tonight. I had to deal with more lies, a drunk ABF, the police, some friends, his parents... and a broken heart.
Not calling when you are already an hr late doesn't make for a good situation for when he gets home (I even called co-workers because I thought maybe he had been in an accident). Lies... so drunk he can't get out of his car... distroying the screen door and back window because I won't let him in the house in that condition... lead to calling the police (public drunkeness and disorderly conduct). Them returning him because he has NO where else to go, lead to be calling his family that told me He's my problem now... to calling the only friend he has to come "talk" to him. And some how I'm the one left holding the pieces.
Not calling when you are already an hr late doesn't make for a good situation for when he gets home (I even called co-workers because I thought maybe he had been in an accident). Lies... so drunk he can't get out of his car... distroying the screen door and back window because I won't let him in the house in that condition... lead to calling the police (public drunkeness and disorderly conduct). Them returning him because he has NO where else to go, lead to be calling his family that told me He's my problem now... to calling the only friend he has to come "talk" to him. And some how I'm the one left holding the pieces.
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i'm reading through some post... it's nice to know I'm not the only one with the pieces to pick up. I might leave them for now and try and sleep. I'm afraid of what tomorrow might bring. I guess it can't get any worse right? Reality is setting in that this is what my life has become and it's something I no longer want. The promises of meetings and getting help are short lived. It is so sad to me that our unborn child will have to know his father to be this type of person... if he even knows him at all (probably for the best).
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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yeah, we both could use the rest... baby and I are turning in. Tomorrow and it's problems will come soon enough. Thank you for the hug and support. I'm a lotta scared and a little lost right now.
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Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
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Dear broken,
Please be very aware that violence against things (screen doors and windows) usually foretells violence against people. I have experienced this firsthand. Your baby should never never never live with this man.
In the morning he will work on you and his addict personality will have a lot of power over you, making you doubt your resolve to protect yourself and your child, making you feel sorry for him, making you think that he won't make it without you, making you think you won't make it without him.
If you believe the lies of the addict mind, then you will be lost.
So do not isolate and whatever is happening, share it with recovering people so you do not find yourself battered one day in an emergency room. Or worse....with a battered child in an emergency room.
Stay safe. Wake up.
Please be very aware that violence against things (screen doors and windows) usually foretells violence against people. I have experienced this firsthand. Your baby should never never never live with this man.
In the morning he will work on you and his addict personality will have a lot of power over you, making you doubt your resolve to protect yourself and your child, making you feel sorry for him, making you think that he won't make it without you, making you think you won't make it without him.
If you believe the lies of the addict mind, then you will be lost.
So do not isolate and whatever is happening, share it with recovering people so you do not find yourself battered one day in an emergency room. Or worse....with a battered child in an emergency room.
Stay safe. Wake up.
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I knew this morning would come with a price. My eyes are about swollen shut from crying and little sleep. My head is pounding like never before.
He woke up and got ready for work. Asked me if I was going and I shortly told him no. When he asked why I told him it was none of his business. I got up and cleaned while he got ready. I left a note in his "lexapro" bottle when I found the little blue pills (valium) that read "Nice little blue pills - happiness comes with a price". The old me would have taken them. I didn't want to ignore them either.
Before leaving he asked if he should come home or if he was going to get arrested again. I told him that is his choice. If he comes home in the same condition as yesterday, then I will call the cops. He asked me for a hug which I denied and of course that's when the twist and turns of his minipulation started. I ignored it for the most part.
I have to post because I feel my heart breaking... I feel like I'm coming "undone". I feel lost and worried and... well, nothing you guys haven't been through. I am praying for strenght. I'm praying that God will hold my hand during these trying times. I am praying for solutions not bandaides.
He woke up and got ready for work. Asked me if I was going and I shortly told him no. When he asked why I told him it was none of his business. I got up and cleaned while he got ready. I left a note in his "lexapro" bottle when I found the little blue pills (valium) that read "Nice little blue pills - happiness comes with a price". The old me would have taken them. I didn't want to ignore them either.
Before leaving he asked if he should come home or if he was going to get arrested again. I told him that is his choice. If he comes home in the same condition as yesterday, then I will call the cops. He asked me for a hug which I denied and of course that's when the twist and turns of his minipulation started. I ignored it for the most part.
I have to post because I feel my heart breaking... I feel like I'm coming "undone". I feel lost and worried and... well, nothing you guys haven't been through. I am praying for strenght. I'm praying that God will hold my hand during these trying times. I am praying for solutions not bandaides.
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Dear Broken, Don't doubt that God is holding your hand and He never lets go. Hang on to His hand as tightly as you can as you go thru this miserable time. You are in my heart and mind, and of course my prayers. Chin up girl, nothing can get your hand out of God's unless you are the one who lets go. Stay strong, knowing you have plenty of love and support here on SR.
God bless
God bless
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I agree with the suggestion of Al-Anon. Branch out and find support, don't hide away no matter how easily the tears come at work or anywhere else. Isolation is part of the control the addiction exacts on our loved ones and us. Secrets and shame are some of its strongest weapons.
His family may have washed their hands of him, but putting him in your lap to deal with was pretty harsh in my opinion. He is not your responsiblity so don't take that on your shoulders. You and your baby are what you need to work on. Let the police and God above them handle your husband.
Peace.
Alice
His family may have washed their hands of him, but putting him in your lap to deal with was pretty harsh in my opinion. He is not your responsiblity so don't take that on your shoulders. You and your baby are what you need to work on. Let the police and God above them handle your husband.
Peace.
Alice
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Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
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So glad you posted this morning, rockstar.
So HE asked for a hug, did he? For HIM. Poor damned baby. Did he worry that you are pregnant and have cried your eyes swollen because of his destruction? Did he worry what the trauma might have done to his child?
Did he resolve that what happened last night would NEVER happen again and that TODAY he is going to take action to find help to beat his addiction?
Did he say that next time he does this to you to call the cops on him?
Or did he make you think it wasn't such a major deal, what happened, and anyway, there were extenuating circumstances, and anyway, you are so emotional that it is impossible to talk to you, and anyway, he had a bad night himself, and anyway, he's about had it with this f****** life and all the f*****ers in it, including you.
Or maybe he said that stress is bringing him down and you are the only good thing in his life and you are his angel and without you he'd be nothing and have nothing.
If he said any of the excuses above, change the locks on the doors and seek a restraining order and alert the neighbors he is a danger to you and ask them to watch out for you and your unborn child.
And if you can afford counseling, find someone in a hurry. You need help through this. It is too much for you alone. The addiction is too powerful and the addict is too powerful and alone you will lose in every way. Get a counselor skilled in domestic abuse.
Stay safe. We are worried about you.
So HE asked for a hug, did he? For HIM. Poor damned baby. Did he worry that you are pregnant and have cried your eyes swollen because of his destruction? Did he worry what the trauma might have done to his child?
Did he resolve that what happened last night would NEVER happen again and that TODAY he is going to take action to find help to beat his addiction?
Did he say that next time he does this to you to call the cops on him?
Or did he make you think it wasn't such a major deal, what happened, and anyway, there were extenuating circumstances, and anyway, you are so emotional that it is impossible to talk to you, and anyway, he had a bad night himself, and anyway, he's about had it with this f****** life and all the f*****ers in it, including you.
Or maybe he said that stress is bringing him down and you are the only good thing in his life and you are his angel and without you he'd be nothing and have nothing.
If he said any of the excuses above, change the locks on the doors and seek a restraining order and alert the neighbors he is a danger to you and ask them to watch out for you and your unborn child.
And if you can afford counseling, find someone in a hurry. You need help through this. It is too much for you alone. The addiction is too powerful and the addict is too powerful and alone you will lose in every way. Get a counselor skilled in domestic abuse.
Stay safe. We are worried about you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
brokenrockstar,
I know one day you will have a joyful life with your healthy, wonderful baby and change your nickname to "reconstructedrockstar" or something better... if you really want this to happen, you need to take some actions. How many of this episodes are you willing to suffer? "Just this once"? Why do you think you deserve a night of pain instead of a night of peace, relaxation, tenderness? What do you think your stress and emotional pain are doing to your baby?
He is not your problem. He is his own problem. The fact his family gave him the cold shoulder is just an indication of how much hurt he has caused them, too.
Jadmack's post almost made me cry here at work. Its true, ask God for everything you need now. Please, do not store your feelings inside. Take Robbie William's lyrics.. "why do you think you should suffer in silence?" please talk to close friends, your family, keep posting, read, go to alanon/a therapist... you need to use ALL the support you have around you.
We love you and we are rooting for your happiness, and your baby's. You can do this and you are never alone. Now that you do not deserve any of this.
You make me remember a dear friend that just had her baby. I met her when she was one month pregnant. Her smile, her eyes with that special spark - the way she carried herself, was so wonderful. Right now mom and baby are happy and healthy, and it was all a miracle. I was blessed to be with her through these months.
This IS what a pregnancy should look like... this is how I wish my own pregnancy goes, in the future. Delicate times, full of hope, affection, friendship, terderness, love, no times are more special for a woman than these.
It hurts me to know you can have a similar pregnancy any time, but instead you are choosing to resent the consequences of someone else's hurts, mistakes and destructive behaviours. What kind of monster hurts his pregnant girlfriend this way? I have no words to describe him. Well, I have, but they are in Spanish and anyway I am too nice to post them here.
If it was only you, well you are an adult.
But there is someone else that should be your one priority, someone innocent that cannot defend himself/herself and relies 100% on you- who you are totally ignoring, preferring to waste your energy in a troubled selfish man that couldn't care less about you and his future child.
And let me take back the "if it was only you". You deserve to enjoy these times, to enjoy times that will never come back, to make your atmosphere as comfortable for you as possible, to create beauty and joy and enjoy every moment and every day and every weekend, just as my dear friend did. But no, none of that seems to matter to you, you prefer to be subject to someone else's alcoholism.
Do you think its fair? Reading your posts, it seems you do
I know one day you will have a joyful life with your healthy, wonderful baby and change your nickname to "reconstructedrockstar" or something better... if you really want this to happen, you need to take some actions. How many of this episodes are you willing to suffer? "Just this once"? Why do you think you deserve a night of pain instead of a night of peace, relaxation, tenderness? What do you think your stress and emotional pain are doing to your baby?
He is not your problem. He is his own problem. The fact his family gave him the cold shoulder is just an indication of how much hurt he has caused them, too.
Jadmack's post almost made me cry here at work. Its true, ask God for everything you need now. Please, do not store your feelings inside. Take Robbie William's lyrics.. "why do you think you should suffer in silence?" please talk to close friends, your family, keep posting, read, go to alanon/a therapist... you need to use ALL the support you have around you.
We love you and we are rooting for your happiness, and your baby's. You can do this and you are never alone. Now that you do not deserve any of this.
You make me remember a dear friend that just had her baby. I met her when she was one month pregnant. Her smile, her eyes with that special spark - the way she carried herself, was so wonderful. Right now mom and baby are happy and healthy, and it was all a miracle. I was blessed to be with her through these months.
This IS what a pregnancy should look like... this is how I wish my own pregnancy goes, in the future. Delicate times, full of hope, affection, friendship, terderness, love, no times are more special for a woman than these.
It hurts me to know you can have a similar pregnancy any time, but instead you are choosing to resent the consequences of someone else's hurts, mistakes and destructive behaviours. What kind of monster hurts his pregnant girlfriend this way? I have no words to describe him. Well, I have, but they are in Spanish and anyway I am too nice to post them here.
If it was only you, well you are an adult.
But there is someone else that should be your one priority, someone innocent that cannot defend himself/herself and relies 100% on you- who you are totally ignoring, preferring to waste your energy in a troubled selfish man that couldn't care less about you and his future child.
And let me take back the "if it was only you". You deserve to enjoy these times, to enjoy times that will never come back, to make your atmosphere as comfortable for you as possible, to create beauty and joy and enjoy every moment and every day and every weekend, just as my dear friend did. But no, none of that seems to matter to you, you prefer to be subject to someone else's alcoholism.
Do you think its fair? Reading your posts, it seems you do
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 05-22-2009 at 11:16 AM.
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Posts: 41
Thank you all for your support and love. Right now I have to remind myself to love myself. I keep repeating the three Cs. You'll see from my other post that things have developed but obvously you can't build a sturdy house on shaky ground. I will take it day by day (brick by brick), but right now the baby and I are tired... We took today off to rest and the silence, the no drama has been refreshing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have this site to turn too I would be hospitalized right now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have this site to turn too I would be hospitalized right now.
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