He still isn't taking responsibility for his actions

Old 05-21-2009, 08:24 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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He still isn't taking responsibility for his actions

My son was upset tonight. He ask his dad for some $ over a week ago so that he could go to a concert this upcoming weekend. I agreed to pay for half of it, and suggested he ask his dad for the other half. He's checked the mailbox everyday, waiting for it to come and it hasn't. Finally, my son called his dad tonight to ask if he'd sent it to which he said "oh, I forgot, but I will send it tomorrow." My son then remarked to me " he'll never send it, he's lying again." He's been disappointed so many times. That makes me angry.

My XAH is just a parasite. Just recently my divorce was granted, and during the trial, my XAH painted himself as a pitiful victim. A victim of his alcoholism, and used it as an excuse for not being able to support his children. He can't stay sober, can't get a job, doesn't have a nice place to live anymore, is wearing secondhand clothing, buying his shoes at Walmart and eating canned food. It was the biggest display of a pity party I've ever witnessed.

Cry me a river.

He used this tactic to try to get the judge's sympathy in the divorce settlement and is asking for maintenance and half of the proceeds from our home. Selfish to the max. Then, he can continue to sit on his butt, and drink it all up. When ask by the judge if he planned on returning to his career and re-establish his earning potential - his response was "no, I don't want to do that anymore, I'm ok with my current job. (which now is minimum wage, no responsibility, no demands, and no future.) I can't handle the stress of my former career."

It's all about him.
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Old 05-21-2009, 09:02 PM
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You're right T2S this nonsense will always be about him until you and your son come together and make it about the two of you.

As heartbroken as I am for your son and his realization that his father cannot be relied upon this way, I am upset that the suggestion was even presented to him to rely on his father for half the $. (There may be more there, I'm just going on what was in your post).

Life finds the lessons we need to learn and presents them for us. Maybe this is a wonderful moment for the two of you to sit down and think of other ways he (with your help possibly) can get the needed funds.

Had your son had the realization before the concert became a desire of his that his dad would not participate financially in this way, he would not have gotten his hopes up and would not be disappointed. He could have made the deal with you for half on the contingency he earn the rest through chores or helping neighbors (you know what I mean, be creative). I'm not saying he shouldn't have hopes, I'm saying he should be relying on those who will support him emotionally, financially, and spiritually. IF his father can ever be more for him, he can seek a relationship as he wishes then.

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Old 05-21-2009, 11:47 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
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I understand totally what ou said. I have a 5 yr old daughter and my XAH has now started to disappoint her as well. I think before he did not folow through on what he said but now she is old enough to get it. I screamed at my XAH for it and tell him not to make promises. He only does because of his guilt.
I don't think he will ever be abe to take responsiblity. He is also not working. He is capable of making $75000 a year but won't work. He is also moving away. We are seperated right now and I am thinking of filing for divorce. Did our husband get any money from the house? We own a house as well and I put up all the down payment and I don't know if I will just walk away with the down payment and no equity.

Last edited by hellokittyII; 05-21-2009 at 11:47 PM. Reason: spelling
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