Just for today~~Rock and a hard place
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 50
Just for today~~Rock and a hard place
What I want is to have no contact with EXABF. I will not email him back in response to his email.
It is all very confusing for me.....what I want is to not have to respond to his email, not contact him and send him an email about sitting his stuff out, or how his Friday or next week options do not work for me but on the other foot I do NOT want him just showing up WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.
It's like being between a rock and a hard place......#1-Don't contact him at all, and risk him just popping in whenever he feels the need, (though his stuff is all outside-so are me and my pets most evenings)and stuff my feelings of not wanting to see him and take that chance, or #2-Email him yet AGAIN and tell him XYZ and drag out the NC even more.
To me, just for today, I choose NC. I just can NOT do it today. Maybe I am just hoping if I don't contact him, he'll go away, who knows. Maybe tomorrow he'll get his stuff and it will be just done. If not I'll worry about that tomorrow........for today the top of my head feels as though it could come off and I don't feel overly well right now......so for today........I QUIT.
How important is it?????? It's not worth all this......that's for sure
thanks for listening and being there
spirit
It is all very confusing for me.....what I want is to not have to respond to his email, not contact him and send him an email about sitting his stuff out, or how his Friday or next week options do not work for me but on the other foot I do NOT want him just showing up WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.
It's like being between a rock and a hard place......#1-Don't contact him at all, and risk him just popping in whenever he feels the need, (though his stuff is all outside-so are me and my pets most evenings)and stuff my feelings of not wanting to see him and take that chance, or #2-Email him yet AGAIN and tell him XYZ and drag out the NC even more.
To me, just for today, I choose NC. I just can NOT do it today. Maybe I am just hoping if I don't contact him, he'll go away, who knows. Maybe tomorrow he'll get his stuff and it will be just done. If not I'll worry about that tomorrow........for today the top of my head feels as though it could come off and I don't feel overly well right now......so for today........I QUIT.
How important is it?????? It's not worth all this......that's for sure
thanks for listening and being there
spirit
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by spiritedgrl123 
What I want is to have no contact with EXABF. I will not email him back in response to his email.
It is all very confusing for me.....what I want is to not have to respond to his email, not contact him and send him an email about sitting his stuff out, or how his Friday or next week options do not work for me but on the other foot I do NOT want him just showing up WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.
It is all very confusing for me.....what I want is to not have to respond to his email, not contact him and send him an email about sitting his stuff out, or how his Friday or next week options do not work for me but on the other foot I do NOT want him just showing up WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT.
He either gets it, or it goes to the dump. It's over with, done, no more, the end. You can filter any more emails from him to trash.
Don't contact him, shoot yourself in the foot, and let this continue to hang over your head and drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Spirit,
Hi. My ex still has my things. I wrote a letter. My father wrote letters. My godmother tried talking to him. He never returned my things. I hate it. There are sentimental things, clothes, family photos and personal items I would have liked to have back. He made excuses and didn't feel that I deserved to have them back. He is after all the one in control, right?
As much as it gets to me, I have to not let him dictate my life. Part of that is not allowing him to get under my skin.
Everything is about him. How he feels. What he wants. When he wants it. Your ex sounds like the same sort of creature. Mine was pretty spoiled and alcohol only exagerrated that mentality.
You have given him a reasonable time frame to collect his things, right? Well, since you are not his mother and he is not 5, then he can deal with whatever consequences that not picking up his stuff in a reasonable amount of time entails.
Best of Luck. Keep us posted. This too will pass.
Hi. My ex still has my things. I wrote a letter. My father wrote letters. My godmother tried talking to him. He never returned my things. I hate it. There are sentimental things, clothes, family photos and personal items I would have liked to have back. He made excuses and didn't feel that I deserved to have them back. He is after all the one in control, right?
As much as it gets to me, I have to not let him dictate my life. Part of that is not allowing him to get under my skin.
Everything is about him. How he feels. What he wants. When he wants it. Your ex sounds like the same sort of creature. Mine was pretty spoiled and alcohol only exagerrated that mentality.
You have given him a reasonable time frame to collect his things, right? Well, since you are not his mother and he is not 5, then he can deal with whatever consequences that not picking up his stuff in a reasonable amount of time entails.
Best of Luck. Keep us posted. This too will pass.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Ugh MissFixIt, I also had precious stuff stolen by a bunch of drunkards who do not give a damn (nothing was of extraordinary monetary value). It sucks. But its all objects, you won't carry them after death, and you will always have the memory of your family and great moments... that is what really is important 
I know you know all that.
spirited, I was where you were, broke up with exAH, agreed to be "friends" because I have been friends with ex's that are somehow "mature"... and I was so anxious everyday, waiting for him to come to my cubicle... anxious about the conversation, if he did not come by it hurt, if he DID come and talked about his parties it hurt MORE because I was dying inside, let's say I wanted No Contact but I was not clear about it...
When the pain got overwhelming and I learned he had been with a new gf for months while I foolishly had believed his promises about "taking it easy now and starting again afterwards" and having the worst time of my life, I told him I needed to talk, and among many things I realized
-a jerk is a jerk regardless of drinks
-there is absolutely NO LOGIC, there NEVER WAS, there WILL NEVER BE
-DENIAL goes hand to hand with MADNESS and both are the couple of HELL
-I need to ask what I want, I cannot expect others to read my mind!
So I told him ,"I do not want you to talk to me.. for now.. I do not know about later, but for now, don't" and he said "Your say"
Its been months since we do not talk and ignore each other and I have been able to move forward. For me no contact is for life. Perhaps one day we will be like those Swedish people that can invite ex's to their weddings and have all the kids play and be friends forever, but that does not happen down here! I still agree sending an email similar to GL's suggestion is the best way.
You act, he knows the deal, you feel good with yourself, you perform a request, and you are no longer "afraid" of when he will "appear", send a message, none of that. Block him in MSN, facebook,email, delete and throw away everything related to him. I have gone so far and I have also thrown away clothes, or other stuff that triggers me of bad memories... suffering for STUFF is just not worth it...
I guarantee you will feel much much better, it sucks when you are "subject" to someone else, you can send just ONE LAST EMAIL about his stuff, ask him never to contact you again, then proceed to give yourself a really great gift as separations always hurt a great deal. Afterwards you will be able to relax... believe us its the best option... or at least I wished I had done that sooner... of course you do what you feel is right
((hugs))
I know you know all that.spirited, I was where you were, broke up with exAH, agreed to be "friends" because I have been friends with ex's that are somehow "mature"... and I was so anxious everyday, waiting for him to come to my cubicle... anxious about the conversation, if he did not come by it hurt, if he DID come and talked about his parties it hurt MORE because I was dying inside, let's say I wanted No Contact but I was not clear about it...
When the pain got overwhelming and I learned he had been with a new gf for months while I foolishly had believed his promises about "taking it easy now and starting again afterwards" and having the worst time of my life, I told him I needed to talk, and among many things I realized
-a jerk is a jerk regardless of drinks
-there is absolutely NO LOGIC, there NEVER WAS, there WILL NEVER BE
-DENIAL goes hand to hand with MADNESS and both are the couple of HELL
-I need to ask what I want, I cannot expect others to read my mind!
So I told him ,"I do not want you to talk to me.. for now.. I do not know about later, but for now, don't" and he said "Your say"
Its been months since we do not talk and ignore each other and I have been able to move forward. For me no contact is for life. Perhaps one day we will be like those Swedish people that can invite ex's to their weddings and have all the kids play and be friends forever, but that does not happen down here! I still agree sending an email similar to GL's suggestion is the best way.
You act, he knows the deal, you feel good with yourself, you perform a request, and you are no longer "afraid" of when he will "appear", send a message, none of that. Block him in MSN, facebook,email, delete and throw away everything related to him. I have gone so far and I have also thrown away clothes, or other stuff that triggers me of bad memories... suffering for STUFF is just not worth it...
I guarantee you will feel much much better, it sucks when you are "subject" to someone else, you can send just ONE LAST EMAIL about his stuff, ask him never to contact you again, then proceed to give yourself a really great gift as separations always hurt a great deal. Afterwards you will be able to relax... believe us its the best option... or at least I wished I had done that sooner... of course you do what you feel is right
((hugs))
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
This is kinda backwards logic, spirited.
If you don't contact him and put your foot down, you're GUARANTEEING you'll have contact with him again. You'll be in emotional hell, waiting for the other shoe to drop, letting him control your life.
If you DO contact him and put his stuff out, then you can go no-contact with clear conscience, as Freedom points out. And then it's done.
Or is that what you're afraid of?
If you don't contact him and put your foot down, you're GUARANTEEING you'll have contact with him again. You'll be in emotional hell, waiting for the other shoe to drop, letting him control your life.
If you DO contact him and put his stuff out, then you can go no-contact with clear conscience, as Freedom points out. And then it's done.
Or is that what you're afraid of?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 182
Great point Give Love!
Sometimes we have to really look inside and ask what are motives are...really, what is stopping us from making it really final. That lingering need to hang on..... And it helps to reread what we wrote. Like saying we kind of want to be there when he comes to pick it up, and then saying that we don't want any contact. Been there, done that, occasionally revisit that place....but the times are getting briefer, so I guess that's progress right?
Spirited, you can still enjoy your weekend....maybe instead of making no contact a goal for today, you want to write a gratitude page for all of the things you won't have to deal with anymore. That will get you in the memorial day spirit!
One other thought....did he bring his grill there because you don't have one.....nothing warms the holiday like brats and burgers grilling on a grill you didn't have to buy!
Sometimes we have to really look inside and ask what are motives are...really, what is stopping us from making it really final. That lingering need to hang on..... And it helps to reread what we wrote. Like saying we kind of want to be there when he comes to pick it up, and then saying that we don't want any contact. Been there, done that, occasionally revisit that place....but the times are getting briefer, so I guess that's progress right?
Spirited, you can still enjoy your weekend....maybe instead of making no contact a goal for today, you want to write a gratitude page for all of the things you won't have to deal with anymore. That will get you in the memorial day spirit!
One other thought....did he bring his grill there because you don't have one.....nothing warms the holiday like brats and burgers grilling on a grill you didn't have to buy!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
No email today almost gives him free rein to turn up when he wants, sometime, anytime. I have a picture of a sword of Damocles hanging over your head, never knowing if or when it will drop. I would be a shaking jelly if I had to go thru that.
IF you really do want "NO CONTACT" with him, then the sooner his gear is out of YOUR life the sooner you will have your wish. An email as suggested means he either picks it up ON YOUR TERMS or you dump it, whichever it will be gone.
On the other hand if you leave it to him, you will have continuing contact as he strings it out just as he has done for how long? Unless you make a firm decision, that stuff may be with you after your kids have left home.
God bless
IF you really do want "NO CONTACT" with him, then the sooner his gear is out of YOUR life the sooner you will have your wish. An email as suggested means he either picks it up ON YOUR TERMS or you dump it, whichever it will be gone.
On the other hand if you leave it to him, you will have continuing contact as he strings it out just as he has done for how long? Unless you make a firm decision, that stuff may be with you after your kids have left home.
God bless
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