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Unfreakinbelievable! Will it ever be done???

Old 05-20-2009, 08:37 AM
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Unfreakinbelievable! Will it ever be done???

I emailed EXABF last night and told him he could come by Thursday while I was at work and get his stuff and that I would NOT be there. Also told him that I was feeling very sad and depleted over the entire situation.

He emails me back last night and says ďCanít say for sure yet about Thursday. Iím supposed to meet Glen at 12:30 to pick up my new truck and give back the rental. Not sure how long that will take. If not, weíll set something up for Friday or next week. Take care. Hope you guys have a good weekend.Ē

Now I consider myself to be a fairly understanding person and reasonable and compromising but WTH???? I can understand if he is tied up Thursday (though his appt to get his new truck and trade in the rental is at 12:30 and my place is 5 mins away from there and I donít get home from work til 4:30) Four hours seems like a lot of time to me and more than enough to get his stuff and go. But for him to again attempt to tell me WHEN??? ( Friday, or next week????) Especially AFTER I tell him how I am feeling about the entire situation???? What is that all about???

So I decided not to answer his email today, possibly not ever unless he AGAIN informs ME what is BEST FOR HIM regarding this matter. He has plenty of time tomorrow to take care of it, and if it is there when I get home, then it is no longer my problem and I will not plan around his junk any longer. Guess he thought I was going to enjoy the holiday weekend and we canít have that now can we?

It just seems like this is NEVER going to end. I was soooooooo looking forward to it being done Thursday and now it drags on again. I swear if the stuff is NOT gone tomorrow it may show up on his porch in very small pieces!!!!

Thanks for letting me share
spirit
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:44 AM
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Here's an email for you to ponder sending:

I need to get on with my life, and can't wait for you to make time. I'll be putting everything that is yours on the porch (yard, street, whatever) tomorrow at 5:00pm. I won't be guarding it or otherwise keeping an eye on it for you. If you can find it in your schedule to come get it, fine. Otherwise whatever's still there on Saturday, I'll assume you don't care about, and I'll be taking to Goodwill.

spirited -- it ends when YOU say it ends. Are you ready yet?

It really is up to you. Right now, you're still letting him drive the bus.
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:47 AM
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Maybe you are too understanding and compromising right now.

Have you had your locks changed yet?

I would tell him that he needs to come on Thursday like planned other wise you will pack his stuff up and leave it at the curb on Friday.

You be in control over this, not him.
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:57 AM
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I agree with atalose. Tell him (via E-mail so it's in writing) you are changing the locks on Friday. If he can't pick up his stuff on Thursday it will be put outside on the curb on Friday. Bingo. Control of the situation just returned to you.
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:19 AM
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When I kicked my oldest AD out, she made one trip back here to get her 'stuff'. That was it.

The rest went in the dumpster. I am not a storage facility. End of story.
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:24 AM
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I agree. Take back control. His stuff in your place.

Give him the time and a date again to pick it up. Advise him that he will not be able to gain access after that time and date and that if the stuff isn't picked up by then you will have no alternative but to leave it on the front porch and if that happens it is at his own risk.

Yeah.. and change the locks the moment that window of his opportunity has passed.
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:38 AM
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He's using his "stuff" as a way to see you! I guarantee it! My XABF has nothing left at our house, so now the new "gig" is to text me and see if I will help himm set up his new phone, or will I cut his hair, or will I make time to visiti him.
It will only end when YOU say so. don't let this guy ruin your weekend. His stuff is no longer your problem!! Good luck
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:13 AM
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Ohh you'll feel so good after sending that email.. please let us know if you did!
I love it when they freak out because you are no longer their doormat, LOL.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by GiveLove View Post
Here's an email for you to ponder sending:

I need to get on with my life, and can't wait for you to make time. I'll be putting everything that is yours on the porch (yard, street, whatever) tomorrow at 5:00pm. I won't be guarding it or otherwise keeping an eye on it for you. If you can find it in your schedule to come get it, fine. Otherwise whatever's still there on Saturday, I'll assume you don't care about, and I'll be taking to Goodwill.

spirited -- it ends when YOU say it ends. Are you ready yet?

It really is up to you. Right now, you're still letting him drive the bus.
Ditto!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-21-2009, 08:04 AM
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Loved the suggested email and hope you sent it to him. If so, and he still doesn't come for his stuff, I so hope you carry out the action you promised.
You spent years "waiting" around for him when you were together, and even tho you have parted YOU ARE STILL WAITING.
Time to bite the bullet and yell "it's over, you're out and so are your belongings".
As Anvil said, it isn't Granny's diamonds and he sure isn't too bothered about it all or he'd have taken it with him.
He got the push and it's time for him and his gear to be together - far away from you.

God bless
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Old 05-21-2009, 12:20 PM
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here's the motivational kicker, if you happen to need it. What he really didn't put in his email between the lines...

pick up my new truck and give back the rental. (drinks with Glen, & maybe the whole bar - if that is where he goes). Not sure how long that will take... end of story.

Do the above useful posts
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Old 05-21-2009, 12:22 PM
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Thanks for the reply, but EXABF has been sober and in program for 10 1/2 years
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Old 05-21-2009, 12:26 PM
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sorry about my post

then he had to leave enough time, in case his buddy or someone else, or even what he needed to do... been there, I always last, whether it's with an active A or a dry drunk A.

Last edited by chrisea; 05-21-2009 at 12:51 PM.
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Old 05-21-2009, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by GiveLove View Post

spirited -- it ends when YOU say it ends. Are you ready yet?

It really is up to you.
I agree

It will be over when you are "done"

Done with the daily drama and daily "stories"

It was pointed out to me that if I broke up with a girlfriend, it meant our relationship was over, if I was still "engaging" I wasn't "done"

It was also pointed out that once I broke up with a Girlfriend, she was no longer "doing" anything to me, I was doing it to myself.

It will end when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and ready to try something new (being alone, working the steps, hitting therapy extra hard, something for you), or when you replace him with someone new, I'd suggest option A personally

I know I sound blunt, I don't meant to, I went through something similar some time back, takes awhile to get clarity, but the moment I took my brain and my "power" back, I changed and so did my life.

Life is too long to spend it fighting with exes and others things that are in the past because that's where they belong....in the past.

Today is the present, and if you actually remain in the present moment and not the past, that's what frequently appears....a present (from God) with only one requirement, you must need to be "present" to "win", if you are wrapped up in the past you will either miss it or it won't appear because you aren't ready.

just something to consider.
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Old 05-21-2009, 08:50 PM
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When I split with me ex and he wanted to collect his stuff, I felt messed about a bit. I gave him a few chances, and then I said to him:

'Your stuff is on the door step. If you don't take it the dustbinmen will.'

When I got home in the evening it was gone.
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