member31986

Last night, the kids and I gathered around my AH, who had been laying down on couch most of day. I fed him around 2:30pm....only meal he ate all day. At 7pm I brought down his glucose meter and told him to take his blood sugar. It was 201. I know, not good. He does not take his meds (metforman) because of drinking. Anyway, I approached him and told him he needs professional help along with the kids at my side. He of course still believes he can do this on his own. My daughter who is only 15, recovered from an eating disorder 3 years ago, she told him she recognized the problem, got professional help( thanks in part to me...after all she is a minor I know) and is here today, much happier and with good self esteem. She like herself again-a big part of it. She told her dad, had she not gotten help, she may have been dead and that could be his same fate. While he agreed to all of us, he also said he would give it until Wed. of this week to see how he felt. I told him I had never seen him this bad, sleeping alot, not eating right etc. So of course you see where this is going, nowhere at least right now. He switched to wine (from vodka) to taper and last night as we were talking, he said he needed a drink because he was starting to feel, well you know, squirally. So he got his glass of wine and felt better. I asked if that was all he had all day and he said yes, that was all he needed. Not sure about that but did not question further.



Then in bed last night, he of course wanted to hold me and "love" me and I have repeatedly told him to leave me alone until he addresses his drinking with some real help. He does this every night in bed, almost enough for me to give in because I just want to go to sleep and feel like ok, ok, I'll do it! However, somehow I was able to hold him off one more time. No, I don't like it either but right now I have absolutely no desire to be with him. He know that but still tries. I guess its inborn.. perhaps also the wine helped...

So now we will see what this week brings. Its my D's 15th b-day tomorrow so I am trying to make the occasion a happy one for her. Life is not horrible around here on a daily basis, after all he sleeps most of it while I do the chores etc. around the house.

I felt we had a good discussion with him last night as he answered alot of questions from the kids. I do know the 3 c's and I have told the kids the same and not to expect much from this. Only time will tell.

I will keep you posted. comments still welcome as I love to hear what others have to say. I know, take care of myself and I do plan on that for sure.

Thanks and peace be with all of you. We are in this together, unfortuantely.

GiveLove

Taking care of yourself and your kids is all you CAN do, member. These talking-to kinds of things, while it's good to get the feelings out, don't have the best track record in the world when it comes to magically making an alcoholic get sober. We can't manipulate them into recovery....they have to want it. And it doesn't sound like your AH is there yet.

Wishing you the best

ItsmeAlice

I think this is a perfect learning opportunity for your children. They had the family "get help, we love you" conversation with him and he answered questions for them. Now they get to see and accept the reality of life with an active alcoholic. As soon as the emtions started stirring, he needed wine to feel better. There's his family standing before him offering love and support, and all he wants is wine. Of course the classic back burner handling of any plea to get help by saying I want to see how I feel on Wednesday. What's wrong with right now anyway? That's what I want to know.

You keep that focus on your daughter's birthday. What a blessing she has gotten past her own problems and is here and well. What a strong girl!!

Peace today to you.

Alice

flutter

Reading this hurts my heart.. a lot, especially for your daughter. How devastating..

I'm sorry this is the way things are for you and your family, but I suppose if that's what's ok with you, that is of course your choice, and your life.

naive

hi member31986-

i'll agree with what's been already stated...i wouldn't expect many results from the talk other than at least you and the kids had a chance to express yourselves...

if you don't want to sleep with you AH, why do you share your bed with him? is there a guest room you can move into where you don't have to be pestered by him? when i was with ABF, i moved into the guest room...sleeping with ABF was just impossible, he was either restless or a dead weight snoring...

it was much better to set up a separate room for my own sleeping...

good luck!
naive